Feeling Overwhelmed

I have spoken about my anxiety in previous blog posts so it should be no surprise when I say that I get overwhelmed quite easily sometimes. Obviously it is related to my anxiety. New situations make me anxious. Meeting new people or socializing with groups of people make me anxious. Changes make me anxious. And when I am anxious, I get overwhelmed. There is so much going on and then, on top of that, I have to deal with everything that my anxiety brings to the table. I get overwhelmed by too much happening at once or feeling like I am being rushed. There are ways to deal with it though and here are some things that I have learned for dealing with anxiety and being overwhelmed.

Stop for a moment and take a breath: You have probably already heard about how much breathing can help calm you down but it is definitely something that I myself forget to do in situations where I am overwhelmed and my anxiety is acting up. I used to get a lot of anxiety when getting needles (I still get some anxiety but having to get IV infusions every 8 weeks has gotten me more used to needles) and had to ask the nurses to remind me to breathe because my breathing would act up and I would start sweating or even shaking in some instances. When I get anxiety, my breathing often goes funny and I will sometimes hyperventilate. Taking a moment to just stop, leave everything to the side, and take a few deep breaths can really help clear your head and set you up to tackle whatever situation you are in. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it feels like things just keep piling up so pausing and taking a breath can stop that feeling of things piling up.

Let people know what you are going through: In certain situations when you are with people and you are becoming overwhelmed or you think that your anxiety is going to act up or it is acting up, telling the people you're with about it can really help. When I started volunteering with my local chapter of Crohn's and Colitis Canada, I told the president of the chapter about my anxiety. When I joined a local community band, I ended up letting the conductor know about my anxiety after the first few band rehearsals since my anxiety had gotten quite bad during them. In both cases, it really helped me, even if it did not necessarily help calm my anxiety. It just helped to know that they knew what I was going through instead of thinking that they must be judging me for acting strange or think that something else is wrong with me. When I told them, they were also very understanding so I knew that if my anxiety acted up again they would be understanding then too. 

Ask questions to clear things up or ensure that you are on the right track: I know that, for me, not knowing can cause a lot of anxiety and make me feel overwhelmed because I start worrying about what is to come, whether I am doing something right, etc. I therefore ask lots of questions and like knowing what to expect. It helps lessen the anxiety and makes me feel less overwhelmed because there is a plan laid out. Even if there are a lot of steps to the plan or it is only a very basic plan, I at least have something to work with and I can use it to figure things out one step at a time.

Take breaks to recharge: Taking a break and getting away from people or a situation for a little while can really help clear your head and help you recharge so that you will be ready when you return. As an anxious introvert, I need my alone time. Even if it is just a few moments alone in a washroom. People and certain situations can feel suffocating and I just need to go somewhere where I can finally breathe.

Take things one day at a time or even one moment at a time: Life can be so overwhelming and we just have to remember to take things one step at a time. Even if we feel like we need to get everything done now and feel like we are in a rush, we need to remember that that is not how things work. Everything takes time so we need to slow down and take the time needed. Sometimes we might feel like we just want to get something over with and can't wait for it to be done because it is causing us a lot of anxiety but we need to take things one moment at a time and we might actually end up enjoying whatever it was that was causing us so much anxiety in the first place. When it came to my library placements, I had a lot of anxiety. Before even starting the placements, I was already telling myself that it was only 15 days per placement and that I just had to get through it then it would all be over and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. In the end, I actually ended up really enjoying my placements and learning a lot despite my anxiety and was actually sad for my first placement to be over and am sad that tomorrow is the last day of my second placement.

I hope maybe these things help you as much as they help me.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Chronic Diseases: Worries and Dreams

I have two chronic diseases, both of them autoimmune diseases, which I have previously spoken about here on my blog: ulcerative colitis and psoriasis. I try to stay positive, especially since I am a young person and still have my whole life ahead of me, but there are still worries. Even though my treatments for both diseases are going well and keeping them under control, the diseases are still there in my body since cures for them do not exist yet and this of course causes concerns. There are both good sides and bad sides to these diseases and I have been thinking about them a lot recently and thought that I would share them here. I have split them up into the categories of "worries" and "dreams" since the bad parts that I have been thinking of lately are more like worries due to the fact that my diseases are under control right now and I have my personal dreams of what I can do as a person with these diseases.

Worries:
Having two autoimmune diseases makes me worry about what comes next. I worry about my future health. I worry about my future body. What will my body be like as I grow older and eventually reach an old age when people normally start getting a lot of health problems if I already have chronic diseases as a young person? What will my diseases that I already have be like? What other issues will these diseases possibly cause in the future? I already got a second autoimmune disease, possibly from already having one. What other autoimmune diseases might I get? Also, what about my mental health? My diseases that I already have have affected my anxiety a lot. How will they further affect my anxiety and how else might they affect other aspects of my mental health? Then, of course, there is the fact that I am stressing out about all of this and stress can make my health worse and that causes me to stress out about the fact that I am stressing out too much. I just have to take things one step at a time and not worry about what has not happened yet.

Dreams:
I was not raised with religion and do not really follow a sole religion, although I do consider myself to be spiritual, but I believe that things happen for a reason, not necessarily caused by a higher being,  and so I must have these diseases for a reason. That sounds mean since awful things that people do not deserve happen to them and it sounds terrible to say that those things happened for  reason but it is one way that I personally cope with having chronic diseases. Maybe I have them so that they can teach me something. These diseases have definitely made me more accepting of others who have health issues. I have also learned a lot more about health and wellness, medical issues, medications, the health system, etc. because of these diseases. They have also made me rethink my life, focusing on my health a lot more and turning me into a more positive person. I am more aware of my body now and try to pay more attention to my mental health. Maybe I have them so that I can help others with diseases, educate people about chronic diseases or raise awareness about them, or so that I can inspire other people by showing them that you can have a great life even if you have chronic diseases. Maybe I was needed in order to do one of these things and the best way for me to accomplish this was by having these diseases. Having these diseases has made me stronger and they have pushed me even more when it comes to wanting to achieve my hopes and dreams. When you feel like you have hit a low point, you have to just think that now there is nowhere to go but up. Even though I continue to go through health issues and have not necessarily hit the bottom, I keep the "nowhere to go but up" mentality and use all of the bad stuff that has happened as fuel for accomplishing my goals. As someone with Finnish ancestry, I also keep sisu in mind. Sisu is a Finnish word that us Finns live by and it is basically the act of continuing on even when you feel like you have come to the end. My dreams are of using these diseases to help me and other people rather than bring me down.

It is unfortunate that I have these diseases, especially as a young person, but they are a part of me rather than being who I am. I am not the diseases. I am me. I just have these diseases and have to deal with them and everything that they bring with them. They are a part of my life and they can be a part of why I accomplish my dreams. I just have to deal with them right and let them take me on the journey that they have been "given" to me for.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Coraline (Neil Gaiman)

When I saw Coraline by Neil Gaiman at a library book sale, I knew that I had to buy it. I had never read it before and had mostly heard about the animated film that was made from it. I ended up watching the animated film after reading the book and I liked how they interpreted the book when it came to the imagery, but I found it a bit strange that they added a completely new character, a young boy named Wybie that wasn't in the book whatsoever, to help Coraline. Of course, this new character has a grandmother from whom he finds out some information but I didn't like how suddenly Coraline has someone who helps her rather than her being the true heroine in the end as she was in the book. He was an interesting character and I guess Wybie helping her showed teamwork between children but it was as though the filmmakers were saying that she couldn't do it all on her own; she still needed help from a boy. This was my feminist point of view of the film and I'm sure that it would stand out for anyone who has both read the book and watched the film. With this little rant over, let's concentrate on the book that I absolutely adored.

Coraline is bored of her own life. Her parents don't pay enough attention to her when she just wishes that they would take some time out of their busy schedules to spend time with her. She ends up finding a door in their new house that is bricked up. It used to lead to the room on the other side of the wall but was blocked when the house was split up for several families to live in. The first time unlocking the door shows the bricks but the second time Coraline looks through the door, she finds herself in a parallel world with other parents that look exactly like her own but have buttons in place of their eyes. This parallel world appears to be better but she knows that she belongs in her real home with her real parents and she sees that this parallel world is all just an illusion and a trap.

Coraline is the heroine of the story. She works alone with only the help of a cat and, later, three ghost children. Even though she has this help, she is the character that ultimately saves the day in the end. She is an explorer and she treats this tough situation as an adventure. Bravery is also very important in the story. Coraline faces her fears and never gives up. A really important thing that Coraline says is "When you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's brave." She was scared but she made it through in the end and saved everyone. Even though she was scared, she convinced herself that she was brave and that she was an explorer and could make it through this adventure. I connected with her so much in some of the ways that she felt about fearful situations. These include things that you cannot see being easy to be afraid of, whistling when she was afraid that something would jump out at her (in my case when I am scared of the bush at night at my camp I start saying random things out loud or kind of saying things in a sing-song voice), and hugging herself and telling herself that she was brave when she was afraid (I often put my arms around myself when I'm scared or worried).

At the back of the book, there is information about the author, Neil Gaiman, his own description of how he wrote the book, as well as an interview with him. In his description of writing the book, he ends by saying,"It was a story, I learned when people began to read it, that children experienced as an adventure, but which gave adults nightmares." This perfectly describes the mix of adventure and nightmare that Coraline experiences and she herself recognizes it as both. Perhaps this is because she is an older child? So maybe she sees it as both an adventure and a nightmare because she is still a child but she is growing up. We definitely see her growing up a bit in the story since she takes on the responsibility of saving the day and she learns new life lessons along the way. She certainly showed more of the child that she is since she reminded herself that she was an explorer but she did that because she was scared from seeing how the situation was a nightmare. I love the idea of taking a scary situation and seeing it as an adventure. It's turning something negative into something positive. I think that maybe we need to channel our inner child in that way sometimes.

Another important lesson in the story is that once Coraline knows that this other world is all just an illusion and that her other mother in this world has simply created it to seem perfect, she realizes that perfection isn't important to her. Perfection and getting everything you want isn't actually a great life. She accepts that things might not be perfect in the real world but her parents still love her and she loves them. She doesn't want to stay in this other world and fights her hardest to set things right and save the day by saving her parents that the other mother has trapped and by freeing the trapped ghost children and getting back to her real home. Perfection is all just an illusion. Nobody's life is perfect but it is the imperfections that actually do make it perfect.

There is a lot of positivity and lessons in this book. Being brave even when you're scared, seeing challenges as an adventure, and accepting that life isn't perfect but that's what makes it perfect are all amazing things to remember in life. I love how, if you really take a good look at children's books, we see these beautiful messages.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Religion and Mindfulness

This Spring, I have visited the Our Lady of Lourdes Grotto, known to Sudburians simply as "The Grotto," here in Sudbury on two occasions with my best friend. The first time was to show her the Grotto because she had never been there and the second time was to have a picnic there for her birthday (although it was raining on and off so we didn't stay very long). It is a very beautiful place here in our city. I always think of it as a hidden gem because it isn't something that I see "advertised" anywhere. You usually have to live here to know about it or find out through a friend or through a search online. I first learned about it through a short little blurb in a Sudbury history pamphlet and I have since found some more information about its history on its old centennial website. The area is not only home to the statue of Mary but includes several other religious monuments, some spiritual and decorative monuments, as well as grounds filled with paths, benches, and flowers. A flat labyrinth can be found where one is supposed to meditate as they follow the path to the center. There is also a fountain surrounded by pillars that have a roof. This part of the area is a common place for people to take graduation and wedding photos. Since I went during the Spring, the fountain's water wasn't running but it's beautiful when it is!

One thing that is made clear about the Grotto is that it is not only a place for religious people or people who follow specific religions. It is a place for anyone to go to relax, reflect, meditate, or pray. I'm not religious but I do consider myself to be spiritual so this is a lovely place to visit. When I visit, I just like to look around and take it all in. The view, flowers and plants, monuments, and layout of the area are all things that I enjoy. I appreciate that we have a place like this in Sudbury, even though it has a lot of monuments that I don't identify with. That's ok. It isn't entirely about just one religion. It's about spirituality and appreciating the beauty of life. It's also a good place to just sit and think.

I find that religion and spirituality are similar to mindfulness. You slow down and notice the world around you or pay attention to certain aspects of your life. Instead of just moving through life from one thing to the next, you take the time to look around you and appreciate all of the beauty. Gratitude is a big lesson in religions and I think that gratitude is a part of mindfulness too. Mindfulness involves living in the present moment and I find that when we live in the present moment, we realize just how much there is to be grateful for. The world is so busy and noisy these days and people seem to just be rushing through life. We need to learn to slow down, relax, and appreciate our lives.

Someone once told me that prayer is a form of meditation and it's true when you think about it. During both prayer and meditation, you are focusing on the present moment and focusing on a specific thought or several specific thoughts. They are also both times of relaxation. There are many different ways to meditate and you can actually see many different activities as a meditation or turn them into a meditation. Prayer is simply a more religious form of meditation. The Grotto here in Sudbury is a place where some people go to pray but if you aren't religious, it is also a nice place to meditate. When you see someone praying, think about how they are also doing a type of meditation. It really opens your mind to all of the possibilities when it comes to meditation.

These red and white tulips are the Canada 150 tulips for Canada's 150th anniversary of confederation which is this year of 2017. It was a nice surprise to see a lot of these tulips at the Grotto along with other flowers as well. The second time that I visited the Grotto with my best friend, there were beautiful lilacs and you could smell their amazing aroma while walking towards the statues. More flowers had been planted since the first time and there were a few more candles in tall glass vase-like holders at the base of the statue of Mary. I also spotted a faerie ornament beside the Grotto. It's so nice to see that this beautiful place is being taken care of for everyone to enjoy. It is a place that people know about but, at the same time, it isn't too busy. Even if there are other people there, they tend to be respectful and not be too rowdy. It's a great place to go to get away from the craziness of life for a little while.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Seasons and Feelings

Seasons make us feel a certain way. We feel certain emotions and associate the seasons with certain things or experiences. We look forward to some things during certain seasons, and there are some things that we don't look forward to, but I want to talk about what I love about each season and what I associate with each one. First off, I think I should mention how I rate each season since this will give a better understanding of which seasons I like the best. Fall is my favourite season. Summer and Spring are almost tied but I'd say that Summer takes second place with Spring coming in third. Winter is in last place, although I do like the beginning of it. I'll explain more about the parts of Winter that I like in the rest of this post, along with what I like about the other seasons.

Spring

Spring is a new beginning. It is a time to wake up and enjoy the little things in life. The world starts to come alive again. The snow melts away and plants start to grow. It's fun to explore and see which plants are starting to poke up out of the ground. The sun starts shining way more and the cold starts to go away, allowing us to spend more time outside without freezing. To me, Spring is magical. We don't know what to expect when the snow melts and everything that disappeared during Fall and Winter comes back. Spring is full of surprises. When I think of Spring, I think of bunnies, flowers, rain, and innocence. The days should be filled with tea parties and prances through fields of wildflowers. Spring is a time of pretty things.

Summer

My birthday is in July, so naturally I love Summer, even though my favourite season actually comes after summer. Summer is a time for swimming and lounging by the pool. It is a time for gardening and eating fresh fruits and vegetables. Summer is very established. Sure, things continue to grow and there are still surprises, but it isn't as unpredictable as Spring. The right place to be during the Summer is outside. Meals should be eaten on a porch, or better yet, at a picnic. The days should be spent on road trips. The nights should be spent camping in a tent or stargazing under a magnificent starry sky. Summer is the time for adventures.

Fall

Fall is not too hot and not too cold. It is cool enough to get to wear sweaters but not too cold that you have to wear a whole lot of layers. The mosquitoes are dying away and it is the perfect season for spending time outdoors. You won't get too sweaty and the bush doesn't feel so crowded anymore since the plants are drying up and the leaves are falling off of the trees. It's especially nice if Summer decides to hang on for a little while longer while Fall slowly comes in, giving you that perfect combination weather. Fall is a very cozy season. I tend to think of it as dry and earthy. It's a spooky time of the year, but spooky in a good way. Fall and cemeteries just seem to go together, because Fall seems old too. I love thinking about my ancestors during this time. It's the perfect time to look at old photos and documents. Libraries beckon us inside and an evening in a cabin with a wood stove is a necessity. I love harvesting and seeing what we can still get out of our garden. Herbs, pumpkins, and squashes come to mind. Fall is the time for being thankful.

Winter

Oh, Winter. You're so crazy but you're wonderful in the beginning. I love Winter during the month of December (even though I realize that it doesn't officially start until less than a week before Christmas). The beginning of Winter is nice because the snow is just beginning to fall (hopefully it is or else you might end up with a green Christmas) and it's pretty. The first snowfall is magical, even it is light. When it comes to Winter past January 1st, I find that it's just too much. I tend to stay inside a lot during the Winter since I get cold more easily than other people and it becomes uncomfortable and even a bit painful, in a way. Winter is all about curling up with hot chocolate and a good book, with a fireplace video playing on a computer or laptop (or a real fireplace). The Christmas season brings warm, happy feelings, especially when it gently snows the first few times and the snow is just so pretty sitting on tree branches. Winter is a time of love and patience.


Sometimes, I feel like I just move through the seasons without fully celebrating and enjoying them. I am not Pagan but I do think that the Wheel of the Year that most Pagans follow to celebrate the seasons is very interesting. I think it would be great for paying more attention to each season, like people did in the past. Seasons were important in times when there wasn't as much as there is now. Farmers had to pay close attention to seasons and the seasons often determined whether or not something could be done. I want to enjoy seasons instead of always looking forward to the next one. I want to live in the present moment of each season and appreciate each one for what it offers.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Lumberjanes Vol. 6: Sink or Swim (Boom! Studios)

I absolutely adore the Lumberjanes comic book series as you would know after reading my thoughts about Lumberjanes Vol. 1-5. I read them as they come out in volumes and I am always checking when the next volume comes out. The friendship between April, Jo, Mal, Molly, and Ripley is so strong and they go on all sorts of crazy adventures together! What's not to love? This series is so refreshing and different from other comic books and it has some great messages mixed in. It makes me long for adventures in the great outdoors and makes my imagination run wild. The stories continue to get more and more interesting and I'm always wondering what will happen next while also making some guesses.

Lumberjanes Vol. 6: Sink or Swim has a theme of oceans and sailing. April is working on the badges for the nautical life skills section of the camp handbook and wants to prove to the new counselor Seafarin' Karen that her cabin is a good team after finding out that everyone in the cabin has to be a good team and all tie good knots to earn the "All For Knot" badge. After only thinking of herself and her love of mermaids in the previous volume, she doesn't want to let down her friends again. The girls end up finding out that Seafarin' Karen's ship has been stolen by selkies that keep taunting her and keeping the ship within view but protected by whirlpools and that Seafarin' Karen is a werewolf. Weird things don't surprise the girls so much anymore and they decide to help Seafarin' Karen and also show her how great a team they are. The group actually splits up with Molly and Ripley going to see if the bear woman knows anything about selkies and April, Jo, and Mal trying to help Seafarin' Karen figure out a plan to get her ship back.

Molly wishes that she was something more interesting like all of the people that she has met who are involved in the supernatural and that she didn't have to leave it all to go back home when the Summer ends. She is given the choice of sticking with the bear woman to learn more about the supernatural but she chooses to go help her friends and the bear woman says to herself that she's not ready yet. Maybe the story will return to this in the future when Molly is more ready since she seems to have more potential in the area of the supernatural than the others, especially in the end when the spyglass, which is used for spotting supernatural things, shows that all of the girls are glowing after being involved with the supernatural but Molly is glowing more than the others. Earlier in this volume, Molly mentioned how she remembers the bear woman saying something about the woods and how it changes people and wants them to stay so maybe the woods have chosen Molly. We have already seen hints of how she loves being at camp and dreads going back home because there isn't an exciting life waiting for her back there. Camp has also helped her figure out who she really is. It means a lot to her so maybe this supernatural life is where she is meant to be.

As with every volume, there is an emphasis on friendship, getting along with each other, and working together. This is always evident with the girls of the Roanoke cabin but in this volume it is also evident with Seafarin' Karen and the selkies since they are enemies that turn into friends. The selkies stole Seafarin' Karen's ship because they thought that she stole one of the selkies' pelts but in reality the pelt was stuck in a magical portal in the water. The ultimate reason why it was there in the first place was because Seafarin' Karen had it in her mouth and was tossing it around while in wolf form and it ended up in the water. Due to all of them helping each other while caught in a stormy sea of magical portals, they forgave each other for all of their anger and hurt towards each other and decided to sail away together. And the girls of the Roanoke cabin earned their "All For Knot" badge. Such a happy ending!

Cheers,
Kaylie

The Muckross Abbey Tree in Killarney, Ireland

When I visited Ireland with my family in the Summer of 2015, we visited a place called Muckross Abbey in Killarney National Park located in Killarney. It ended up being my favourite memory from Ireland all because of the yew tree inside. The true name of this place is actually the Franciscan Friary of Irrelagh. This specific building was founded in the 1440s. It was used by Observantine Franciscans until the Cromwellians drove them out in the 1650s. Yew trees are common in old cemeteries and monasteries in Ireland since the yew tree is a symbol of life and death. The yew tree at Muckross Abbey is said to be over 500 years old.

How about I bring you to my favourite part of Muckross Abbey through photos:

Firstly, I need to show you the actual building that houses the tree. Here we stand in the cemetery behind the building. I was very interested in the cemetery (because I love cemeteries) and forgot at first that the man driving the horse and cart when we started our jaunt to tour a bit of Killarney had told us that there was a 500-year-old tree inside.

A view of the entire building from the cemetery.

Some of the interesting old graves in the cemetery with the building in the background. Old graves are so amazing to see. They are often very different, with different inscriptions and symbols than what we're used to nowadays. Also, they make me wonder about the stories of the people buried beneath them.

When I finally entered Muckross Abbey, I was interested in some of the graves that are actually inside of the building but I soon found myself walking into the cloister.

Once through the doorway, these are the views that you get. It really makes you feel like you have travelled back in time. You can imagine the friars walking through here in their robes.

When I first walked into the cloister and looked through the arches at the tree, it felt like time stood still for a moment. I just stopped and stared in awe at this magnificent tree. Some sunlight was shining down on it and it just seemed so mystical and magical.

It is definitely amazing to look up at this massive tree reaching out of the building towards the sky.

Here is part of a plaque with a sketch of the tree and cloister along with a few sentences about this part of the building. This is actually how I learned that the enclosed walkway with the arches is called a cloister.

Here is a pretty map made from tiles that I found inside the building. Unfortunately, one of the tiles is missing and some of the words and images are fading away. A clearer map can be found online on page 161 of The Journal of the Royal Society of Antiquaries of Ireland (5th series, vol. 2, 1892). You'll just have to zoom in on the image. Pages 160-162 of the journal cover information about the architecture of Muckross Abbey.

It wasn't until after my family's trip to Ireland that I realized that seeing this tree was my favourite memory from our trip. When I think of Ireland, I think of words like "ancient," "mystical," "magic," and "history." I wanted to have a moment in Ireland where I truly felt all of these words come alive for me. I wanted some kind of magical moment. Seeing this tree was my magical Irish moment. I also realized that this tree is so old that it has been here for such a long time before I was born and it will still be here for a long time after my life ends. I think that's kind of beautiful. This tree has seen so much and it will continue to see many things. It is strong.

While I was reading Uncle Montague's Tales of Terror by Chris Priestley, I read these words spoken by Uncle Montague and they resonated so deeply with how I felt about the Muckross Abbey tree: "Look at how long some trees have been alive. Think of what they have seen. Why, there are yew trees in churchyards that may be more than a thousand years old - older still than the ancient church nearby. Their roots are in one millennium and their branches in another."

Unfortunately, our time at Muckross Abbey was limited since we had to continue on the rest of our tour. I actually didn't learn a lot of the history of this beautiful place until after my trip when I decided to read about it. If I were to revisit a place in Ireland, I would definitely return to Muckross Abbey just to wander around and visit more with the tree. I encourage everyone to visit this magnificent tree but if you are unable to, you can still check it out on Google Street View on Google Maps and look inside Muckross Abbey a bit. This link will bring you to the tree but you can go and look in some of the other rooms from there if you move around by clicking, holding, and dragging the image around and then clicking arrows when they appear.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Talking About Feelings

Something happened a few weeks ago. It was just a simple question that my Mom asked me but it felt so good for someone to actually ask me that question. It felt like something that I needed to be asked. While I was telling my Mom about my ulcerative colitis acting up, she asked me if I was worried about it. That's it. I then proceeded to answer the question and talk to her a bit about how I felt about my colitis acting up. This might not seem like such a big deal but I'll give you a bit of background information to explain why this was so important to me.

My latest Remicade infusion was on May 16th. My ulcerative colitis started acting up around three weeks before that date. I receive these infusions every two months and they keep my colitis pretty under control. Last time I received my infusion, my colitis only started acting up a few days before the infusion. So, the fact that my colitis started acting up three weeks before my next infusion was a bit concerning. During the month of April, I was really stressed out and I still am. One of my Great-Aunts passed away from cancer on April 10th. Less than a week before that, my Grandma (the sister of my Great-Aunt that passed away) was brought to our house to live with us for a while because her health has been going up and down. Just a few days after being with us, she had to go into the hospital (for the second time this year) for several weeks and now she is living with us again. She needs help with a lot of things and someone has to be with her at all times. All of this has been overwhelming for my family and I. Then add my colitis acting up on top of all of that. Of course, there were some great things that happened in April as well but I have still been stressed out.

My family and I can see that all of us are stressed out and overwhelmed by everything that has happened but we haven't really sat down and talked about it. Because of this, I know that I myself have been bottling up a lot of emotions and everyone else is probably doing the same which isn't healthy. We keep moving forward and deal with everything going on but I feel like we need to just let out everything that we're feeling. So, when my Mom asked if I was worried about my colitis acting up, it felt so good to finally be able to talk about one of the things that has been stressful for me. Especially since stress can make health problems worse and the recent stress may have therefore contributed to my colitis acting up. Also, it helped to just talk to my Mom about the fact that April was stressful and that the stress has continued into May.

Since my colitis got pretty bad in the Fall, it definitely stresses me out when it acts up and it worries me a bit even though I know that my doctors won't let it get as bad as it did before. I get a bit scared that the infusions aren't working or my colitis is going to start interfering more with my life. Worries aside, it just isn't pleasant when my colitis acts up. Having someone just ask about how I feel about my colitis acting up and to admit to them that I'm stressed out helps me let out some of the thoughts and emotions that I bottle up. Because that's a big problem that I have. I bottle up too much. So, talking about what I'm going through helps. A lot.

Although, sometimes I don't want to bother other people with my problems but I still need to talk to someone. Sometimes I'll start talking about something that's bothering me and nobody seems to want to even talk about it. It's like they try to avoid talking about it because it makes them uncomfortable or they don't want to take the time to listen or just don't want to pay attention to me talking for whatever time that it takes. And that itself bothers me. I'll start talking but they walk away. Or they just change the subject. Or they respond a bit but they don't want to really listen and really give some kind of answer. Just having someone listen to me get something off my chest helps a lot. It isn't very complicated.

I guess I'm just trying to say that we need to learn to talk about our feelings more and listen to other people when they need to talk about their own feelings. It doesn't make us weak. It shows that we are brave for wanting to talk about something that's bothering us. As for the people listening, they'll know that if something is bothering them, then they have someone that they can talk to about it too. It also helps to have someone really ask how we are feeling sometimes. And I mean ask how we are really feeling. Not just a simple small talk version of "how are you?" I know that. most times, I feel inclined to say that I'm fine when someone asks how I am. Everyone goes through tough times and so sometimes we just need people to care about how we are actually feeling and listen... and then we can be there to listen to them when they need us too.

Cheers,
Kaylie

One Month of Daily Gratitude

I love gratitude lists! They are quick ways of reminding yourself of the gratitude in your life. I've tried writing daily gratitude lists before but it never became a habit. I have been looking at other people's daily gratitude lists and it inspired me to try it again for at least a month. I made it a goal for the whole month of April. I even used an empty journal that I had so that I could write my lists in an actual gratitude diary. At the end of the day, I would jot down a few things that I was grateful for on that specific day or I would make myself write them down not long after they happened. Some things were written into more of a sentence and others were just point form. I wrote at least one thing each day. My gratitude ranges from simple things like hearing birds through an open window to big things like winning second place in a short essay contest.

Writing these daily lists made me realize that there is always something to be grateful for, even during tough times in our life. April wasn't easy for me. My Grandma's health was going up and down and my Great-Aunt Mary passed away. Even with all of this happening, there were still good things that happened and making these lists helped me to see that this month wasn't all bad. I think that's the great thing about making gratitude lists, they show you that there is always something good that you might miss if you don't pay attention to it. The stress of April has been continuing into May so I'm glad that I have decided to continue my gratitude diary. It helps a lot!

If you're curious about what my daily gratitude lists look like, here are my lists from April. Enjoy!

April 1:

• Walking my dog on a beautiful day with my brother
• My cat being happy to see me
• Friends staying for a little while to chat
• Recognizing and moving past unhelpful thoughts
• I found out that my cousin got engaged

April 2:

• Morning walk with my brother to get brunch
• Warm sunny weather
• Baking cookies while I drank tea and listened to music
• Chatting with a friend
• Feeling productive today because my brother and I got some things done around the house
• Talking to my best friend about something that has been bothering me lately
• Finding out that my Dad is going to buy Fan Expo tickets for my brother and I

April 3:

• Lots of walking
• Carpets of moss
• Squishy mud
• Writing a letter to my pen pal from Indonesia

April 4:

• Grandma is here at our house to stay while she recuperates from her health problems
• Working together with my brother to get the house ready for Grandma's stay
• Having supper ready for my parents and Grandma when they got home
• Baking muffins

April 5:

• A good shower
• Got my pen pal letter mailed out
• Grandma commented on how pretty a Chickadee was (Chickadees just happen to be my favourite bird)
• Chocolate covered vanilla ice cream bars
• Chocolate milk and a roasted garlic and cheese bagel toasted with herb and garlic cream cheese
• My cat crawled up on Grandma's bed

April 6:

• Recognizing when I needed time alone and giving myself that time

April 7:

• Two lovely ladies commented on how they liked my outfit
• First little bike ride of the year in the evening when the sun was going down

April 8:

• Baking cupcakes for my Dad's birthday (My Dad loved them)
• Biking to the cemetery
• Some plants are starting to come up in our yard

April 9:

• Earl Grey tea and lemon coffee cake for breakfast
• My cat snoozing on my bed
• Writing my Spring goals list
• Being encouraged to write by my city's current poet laureate

April 10:

• My Great-Aunt Mary had a wonderful life

April 11:

• Not forcing myself to focus when I can't focus
• Playing with my cat

April 12:

• Hearing birds through an open window
• Made a wire gem tree as a late birthday present for my Dad

April 13:

• I bought a book that I've been wanting to buy
• I found out that I won second place in a short essay contest
• I saw the first robin that I've seen this Spring
• Eating ice cream with Grandma
• Seeing all of the solar lights lit up in the cemetery this evening

April 14:

• Biking with my Mom
• Feeling like I'm finally starting to figure out my life a bit

April 15:

• The first episode of the new season of Doctor Who

April 16:

• Baking
• A great Easter supper
• Spending time with my family

April 17:

• Cadbury creme egg
• A really nice cashier

April 18:

• I completed my main goal for today of finding something that I needed to find (it was easier to find than I thought
• Getting questions answered (and receiving the answers that I was hoping for)
• My cat groomed my rabbit
• I figured out how to scan documents to save on the computer
• A very productive day

April 19:

• Homemade pizza
• A nice email

April 20:

• I finished my application for the Library and Information Technician program through Confederation College's distance education

April 21:

• Wearing an outfit that makes me happy
• Waking up earlier and getting ready earlier in the morning
• Homemade chocolate peanut butter cups

April 22:

• Drinking tea on the front porch with my cat on my lap
• My Mom finally found the library book that she borrowed using my library card (the day before it was due)

April 23:

• Funny TV show
• Perogies in tomato soup

April 24:

• My first donation for this year's Gutsy Walk and it was the amount that I set as my goal!

April 25:

• I'm going to be starting the Library and Information Technician program through Confederation College's distance education in September

April 26:

• My family
• My pets
• Spring peepers
• Earl Grey tea

April 27:

• Wind chimes and birds
• Trying  a new cookie recipe

April 28:

• Spending time with my best friend
• Bubble tea
• Exploring
• Lots of walking
• The power coming back on after going out yesterday
• My favourite teacher from elementary school saying "Hi!" to my friend and I while we were walking past her car that was stopped on the road

April 29:

• A good shower in the morning
• Getting my Grandma out of her hospital room for a little while
• Vegetarian tacos

April 30:

• Buying books and art pencils on sale and getting even better sales on them than I originally thought
• Going up to the camp for the night

Cheers,
Kaylie

Birds Like Friends Too

After writing a post about the friendship that my dog and rabbit share, I thought about the friendship between my family's two birds: a budgie name Nasa and a cockatiel named Sundo. Nasa is around 8 years old and Sundo is around 14 years old but we only got Sundo recently. Nasa used to be all alone and she was kind of crazy. She was scared of hands and she also freaked out if she got out of the cage so you can imagine how hard it would be to take her out. If she was out of her cage, she would fly all over the place and crash into walls. We were afraid that she would kill herself but it was so sad that she was stuck in her cage all the time. She didn't play a whole lot with toys and just sat there every day. There wasn't any excitement in her life, except for when we would go up to the cage or put our hand in the cage to change her food and she would shy away from us.

When one of my Aunts was visiting, she brought along all of her dogs and Sundo since she didn't really have someone back home that could look after them during that time. During my Aunt's stay, my Mom suggested leaving Sundo here so that there'd not only be less for my Aunt to take back home, but both Nasa and Sundo would have a friend in each other. It would be nice since both of them are older and are both alone. Plus, Sundo always had other birds, specifically budgies, with her in the past but she was the only bird that my Aunt currently had left. We experimented having them together without putting them in the same cage. We simply sat both cages beside each other to see how the birds would react. They really seemed to like each other, going as close as possible to each other as two separate cages would allow, so we put both of them in a nice big bird cage that we had stored away in a shed. We transferred all of their toys, perches, mineral blocks, food and water dishes, and individual foods into the new cage and waited to see how it would go.

It turned out that this was the best thing that we could have ever done for Nasa! She became a completely new bird. It was amazing how much she changed. Nasa and Sundo became good friends. They would groom themselves at the same time, sleep at the same time, and they were willing to go close to each other. Nasa tried new things that she never would have done before. She played more with toys, chewed on mineral blocks, and tried new foods. I guess she observed Sundo doing all of these things and decided to copy her. Sundo was already tame and used to doing all sorts of things so it really encouraged Nasa to be the same way.

Nasa even started taming down. She wasn't as afraid of hands anymore. Eventually, we could take her out of the cage. Sundo was already really good for taking out of the cage so it was nice to be able to take Nasa out as well. She still flies around a bit but she isn't as spooked as she would have been before and she's better at staying in one place now. She likes to fly over to our rabbit's cage and sit on top. I guess she just likes the feeling of the bars of the cage because it reminds her of her own cage. She is improving so much at taming down that I even saw her jump and sit on top of Sundo's back once while they were both out. It was so funny!

When it comes to birds that we have in the future, I definitely think that my family should have two birds and not just one all by itself. It really makes a difference in the life of a bird. Nasa went from being crazy to being much more tame in almost half a year! So, not only does having two birds give each one a friend, but they learn from each other as well. Nasa is pretty old and we don't know how much longer she will live so I am glad that she has a friend for the last part of her life and I'm glad that Sundo has a friend like she used to always have.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Lessons From Books: January-March 2017

Since I started posting in January about books that I read, I have noticed that there are some really good lessons to be learned from them whether they are novels, comic books, scripts, or screenplays. I wanted to have all of these lessons in one place so I thought that I would make separate blog posts to write down these lessons without my other thoughts and all of the other information about the books. If you want to read the full posts that I wrote about each book, I have included the links but here in this post you will find one sentence answers to the lessons that I saw in all of this reading that I've done. I thought about doing this at the end of the year with all of the books that I posted about in that year but decided that it would be better to do this every three months because, otherwise, this post would be way too long since each one sentence lesson is accompanied by a photo of the book. Also, I read a lot. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Angel Catbird Vol. 1 (Margaret Atwood, Johhnie Christmas, and Tamra Bonvillain):

It is safer for both cats and wild birds if cats are kept indoors.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Book, Screenplay, and Film (J.K. Rowling):

Kindness, love, and acceptance are much better ways to deal with challenges.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Parts One and Two (J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany, and Jack Thorne):

You are your own person and you don't have to live up to anyone else or compare yourself to other people.

Lumberjanes Vol. 1-5 (Boom! Studios):

With friends by your side, you can conquer anything and discover who you truly are.

Ms. Marvel Vol. 5: Super Famous (Marvel Comics):

Find balance in life and prioritize the things that are most important to you.

Ms. Marvel Vol. 6: Civil War II (Marvel Comics):

Think before you act.

Uncle Montague's Tales of Terror (Chris Priestley):

Be a good person and do good things or else there are consequences (KARMA!).


Cheers,
Kaylie

Accepting My Anxiety And Doing Something About It

For a long time, I didn't understand exactly what anxiety was. By this I mean that I didn't know the exact definition of anxiety. I was never taught it and I never really researched it. I kind of knew what anxiety was, but I still felt like I didn't understand it enough to be able to use the word properly. I kind of knew that everyone experiences anxiety to a certain extent but I thought that it had to be really severe to actually be able to say that you have anxiety. When I thought of social anxiety, I thought that it meant that the person had trouble speaking to strangers or had trouble going out in public. Just like with anxiety in general, I thought that it had to be that severe to be considered social anxiety. I get stage fright (in some situations it has been worse than others) and I also have trouble participating and speaking up in groups (usually groups that are maybe five people or more). However, I can speak to a stranger one-on-one and be perfectly fine. I actually wrote a blog post about this in the past. I thought that all of this was just due to me being an introvert and also that it was just something that people go through. I never thought of it as partly being social anxiety. I always explained it as me just being an introvert, having a phobia, or being nervous or scared. Like I mentioned before, I thought that social anxiety was more extreme than what I experience. I also didn't entirely understand what anxiety was, not to mention the extent of it and how there are all sorts of types of anxiety. After learning a bit about both introversion and social anxiety, I think it's a mix of both. I don't think that my introversion is the only culprit when it's difficult for me to participate in a group, especially when I feel a bit panicked inside when having to answer a question on the spot. It's just that my social anxiety happens in specific situations rather than in all social situations so I guess it's considered mild or moderate? I'm not really sure where I sit there.

So what exactly do I experience? Well, I can explain more about what I experience while in groups rather than while performing because I haven't had to perform anything for a few years now but lately I find myself in groups and other social situations that affect me. I experience things going on in my mind and my body. I start worrying about the situation before I even get to it. On the way there and while waiting for it to begin, I start feeling as though I'll start shaking any moment. Once it begins, if it's something that I know requires some participation or may require some participation, I feel kind of panicky inside. I get a strange feeling in my heart and intestines (because the stomach isn't actually in our belly button area) and I don't breathe as normally as I should. My heart often beats faster when I know that it is now my turn to participate (for example, if people are participating in a certain order). When I have to participate, it can often be hard to look at people and I feel like my voice sounds shaky but I can't always tell if it really is or not. I also sometimes feel like I'm about to have trouble really concentrating on what's going on because I'm noticing so much about what's going on inside me and my mind is filled with worries. After it's all over and I'm on my way home or I'm back at home, I continue to think about the social interaction. I think about what I said or didn't say or even how I acted or didn't act. If my mind is left without anything to really focus on, I'll sort of worry, in a way, about what already happened. It's like it's on replay in my mind and it won't leave me alone. What I experience during the situation can sometimes differ but I usually always worry before and after. I often find myself suddenly humming when this happens, as if the humming will drown out the thoughts. When I have had to perform in the past (piano recitals or a poetry recitation) I would get shaky. In the case of a poetry recitation in class, I couldn't get past the first few lines even though I had been excited to recite the poem and I felt completely ready. It was as though I just forgot the rest of the poem but I was able to recite it later in front of just my professor in her office.

I'm now getting some guidance for this social anxiety of mine, which I'm really happy about but also nervous about because it involves exposure to the things that cause me anxiety. The first "assignment" that I had to do was do something, not too big, that might cause me some anxiety. Since my anxiety, as I mentioned before, is with groups and performing, I had trouble figuring out what to do for this first bit of exposure. I didn't want to do something too crazy but I still wanted to do something that was enough to cause me anxiety (because you need to expose yourself to the things that scare you in order to ever overcome them). Going out in public or saying hello to a stranger wasn't good enough because I'm fine doing those things. I needed to do something that was linked with groups or performing. I finally decided to go to a poetry revision workshop at my city's main library that was being taught by my city's current poet laureate. She was going to talk to a group of no more than ten people about poetry revision and then spend time with each person one-on-one to go through a poem that they brought and suggest ways that they could revise it. I had been going back and forth in my mind on whether I would go since it made me nervous to be in a group and then to have a poet laureate, who has several published books of poetry, read my poem and suggest ways for revising it. I wanted to go but it was my anxiety that was making me want to avoid it. When I remembered that I was unsure about going because it scared me, I knew that it would be good to go to it for some exposure since it also wasn't going to be a huge group and we didn't have to share our poems with anyone but the poet laureate. Also, I like writing and poetry so it was something that interested me.

Going to this workshop, I experienced all of the symptoms that I described before. I kept worrying about it before I went. I worried that the poet laureate wouldn't like my poem or that she'd think it was weird. I was scared that there would be a lot wrong with it when it came to revising it. When I went to the workshop, I was the youngest one there so that made me nervous right away. Some of the other people included the past poet laureate and some people from the writer's guild. There were only two other people like me who just wrote poetry for fun. This made me nervous as well because most of the people there were more experienced than me. We sat on chairs in a circle, which also makes me nervous because everyone can see you and sitting in circles usually means that there is going to be participation involved. The only time that I had to participate was when we each introduced ourselves so that wasn't so bad. After that, I simply listened to everyone else participate. While listening to the tips for poetry revision, I really started wondering if my poem was alright. I felt as though my poem was starting to look bad while learning about what you should and should not do when it came to not only poetry revision, but writing poetry in the first place. I had to keep reminding myself that my poem was still in the draft stage and that it was alright if it wasn't perfect. I became extremely nervous when it was time for the one-on-one revision sessions and I had to go first. Thankfully we moved two chairs to the other side of the room, away from the group, for this little chat. The poet laureate ended up being really nice and she liked my poem. It was kind of a big deal for me to have this poet laureate like my poem, especially after worrying that it wasn't good. Of course, she wrote quite a bit on my poem for revision purposes (we had to email our poems before the workshop so she would have time to look at them and write down suggestions ahead of time) but it all made sense to me and I learned a lot. I wasn't as nervous as before while we chatted and she explained changes or additions that I could make. It didn't bother me.

Part of my anxiety is that I have a fear of not being good enough. I actually ended up realizing this even before I found out that social anxiety is about the fear of judgement. I have a fear of being judged even though I can be judged no problem when I am actually in the moment of being judged (example: someone reading my writing right in front of me and giving criticism). I just get really anxious before hand. I'm afraid they won't like whatever I created and that it isn't any good. Comparing myself to others is one reason why I think that whatever I create isn't good enough. There are so many talented people out there doing amazing work that I feel like mine is nothing compared to theirs. I have also realized that when it comes to social interactions and the amount of anxiety that they cause me, I am different in various situations. If I am having a conversation with someone one-on-one or with two or three people away from a group, I'm not nervous and can talk the person's ear off. Although, I have been shaky and nervous during piano performance exams that I had to do in the past even though there was only one person there marking me but that was just because it was an exam and exams have always made me nervous no matter how prepared I have been for them. If I am having a conversation with someone one-on-one or with two or three people with a group around but where the other people are having their own conversations but could possibly hear my conversation, then I'm not as talkative and I feel some minor symptoms. In groups of five people or more where everyone is listening, I have a lot of trouble participating and will try to avoid it. Sometimes, while in a group of people, I can force myself to answer a question that I have prepared for and I'm okay, not perfectly fine but I'm still okay. However, if I have to answer a question on the spot, I have trouble answering and I tend to get upset. I have found myself almost crying after having to answer just a simple question on the spot. I think it's because I feel like I am under pressure in that situation.

If you've made it to the bottom of this post then I'd like to say thanks for letting me empty out my thoughts here. I was really unsure about putting this post up on my blog but getting everything out through writing really helps. I plan on continuing to expose myself to participating in groups and hopefully one day it will come more naturally instead of forcefully. I'm also hoping that I can learn to deal with my phobia of bees, hornets, and wasps and that I can deal better with getting needles since I have to get an IV infusion every two months. I have found out that these two things are also anxiety and sometimes I wonder if the two are connected (since bees, hornets, and wasps have stingers and needles are sharp). So what do I want to do? I want to be able to speak in groups without getting nervous or worried before, during, and after. I want to be able to stay where I am or walk through areas without screaming and running away from bees, hornets, or wasps (unless I'm near their nest or something). I want to be able to relax while the nurse pokes me with the needle to set up the IV for my Remicade infusion. These are the improvements that I want to make in my life and I'm determined to finally get through them or at least be able to handle them better.

Cheers,
Kaylie

People Help The People

I was listening to Birdy's cover of Cherry Ghost's song "People Help The People", a cover which I absolutely adore because of the beautiful piano in it, and it got me thinking about the world. My favourite lyrics are in the chorus: "People help the people/ And if you're homesick/ Give me your hand and I'll hold it." It's all about being kind to one another. Now, it sounds like the song is talking about specific people like those less fortunate but the messages in the song can be applied to the world as a whole. Some other lyrics are "God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence/ Behind the tears, inside the lies/ A thousand slowly dying sunsets." I think that these specific lyrics really speak because so much is happening in the world these days and it seems like people aren't thinking about how it affects everyone. People seem to just want to do whatever they want. They think of themselves. They have certain opinions, and we're all allowed to have our own opinions about things, but do we really want to hurt people because of the way that we think about things?

People fight each other. They hurt each other. And it's all because they think a certain way or they are a certain way and they don't like things that are different from them. It seems like if someone doesn't like someone else for whatever reason, they think that they don't have to show that person respect. The thing is, if the world was that way, then no one would be shown any respect because everyone is different in some way and there are some differences that we have that other people don't like. Differences are what make this world amazing. If everyone was the same, life wouldn't be as interesting. We need to be more accepting of differences and we need to be more kind to each other. A lot of problems could be solved or wouldn't even exist if we were just more kind to each other and showed each other more respect.

Lately, it feels like we're just going backwards into the past. We are seeing problems similar to those faced by the people who came before us. We are still seeing discrimination against all sorts of different types of people because of their race, religion, gender, sexuality, etc. It's 2017... shouldn't we be getting along with each other by now? Shouldn't we be accepting each other's differences, whatever they might be? People are being disrespectful towards people that they don't even know, just because that person is different from them in some way and they think that it's bad. Hate is not the answer to the world's problems and it certainly will not help us get anywhere closer to having a more peaceful world.

I'm proud to be Canadian and to live in Canada because my country is becoming more and more accepting of all sorts of different types of people, and we also tend to be friendly, but even my country still has some improvements to make. Every country has some people who are not as nice as the others and the whole world still needs to become more accepting of everyone and make some changes so that everyone can live peacefully.

I understand that animals fight and are territorial but we, as humans, have evolved and developed so much! Shouldn't we be past that? I always think: We all walk this Earth. Why don't we walk together? In other words, we share this Earth so why don't we live together in harmony? It doesn't take much. Just smiling more or thinking more before you speak can make a big difference. Accept others who are different from you and hopefully they will accept your differences in return. Be respectful. Treat others how you want to be treated. We are all human. We all share this Earth. Hopefully one day, we can all live together peacefully and celebrate our differences instead of hating them. Imagine how much better the world would be then!

Cheers,
Kaylie

Ramblings About Taking Breaks, Pursuing Your Passions, And Being Unique

I didn't publish any blog posts last week, even though I have been trying, and succeeding, to publish three posts every week. I was working on a post for Monday but it wasn't quite finished so I planned to finish it and publish it some time on Monday rather than rushing to finish it and schedule it to be published Monday morning. That didn't happen. A certain event happened and created a rough start to the week. I didn't worry about my blog. I decided to take a break and not post anything that week. Some other things happened in the same week and it was, overall, not the greatest week that I've had. I was glad that I took a break from my blog. It gave me some time to think about things. It gave me some time to write other blog posts. It gave me some time to just get things together and plan ahead a bit. I love blogging and I felt bad about missing a week of blogging and temporarily breaking my habit of blogging three times a week, but sometimes you just need to take a break.

We need to listen to our mind and body. I could have pushed myself to finish up some blog posts for the week but I did not feel up to it. I felt that I would become exhausted. I also felt that I might publish a blog post without the feeling of it being complete and just right. I decided, however, that I would only stop blogging for one week. In the past, I would stop blogging and think that I would just start the next week but it always kept becoming the next week and the next until I hadn't blogged for several months. I didn't want that to happen again. I love blogging because it gets me writing and as I continue blogging, my writing improves. I try to write longer blog posts. I try to let the words pour out. As I continue blogging, I get better and better at expanding on my ideas. I think that I need this right now. At a time when I'm still figuring things out, I need something to keep me moving forward.

Taking a break is a good idea when pushing yourself is a bad thing but continuing whatever it is that you're doing is a great thing too, as long as it is something that you love and want to pursue. You want to do things that are good for you as a person. You need to "follow your heart," so to speak. Don't push yourself to do something just because it's popular or because it's just "what you do" in life. Be your own person. Being different from other people makes life more interesting. Being different can make you stand out, and isn't that what we should be doing? I've seen so many blogs, websites, Youtube channels, social media accounts, etc. that are all so similar to each other that they don't stand out as much from each other. Be unique. Sure, you sometimes have to do the same thing as someone else in order to learn how to do it, but once you have the hang of it, be creative and let yourself shine.

Technology is a platform for us to be creative. We should use it in interesting ways that are different from how other people use it. We need to continue changing and shaping the way we use technology. We shouldn't just copy other people all of the time. We need to move forward. We need to advance. We need to create something that really stands out and makes people think differently about being creative. We need to be inspired by what has been created before and then create our own unique creations that inspire other people.

I thought that I was just going to make this post about the benefits of taking breaks but it has really moved further than that, and that's perfectly fine. It became something more than I expected. It became something better. And that actually connects with what I said about following your heart. I could have forced myself to stick to just the one topic, but I decided to let myself ramble on and let my heart speak about what I've been thinking about lately. Now I love this post more than before.

Cheers,
Kaylie