Feeling Overwhelmed

I have spoken about my anxiety in previous blog posts so it should be no surprise when I say that I get overwhelmed quite easily sometimes. Obviously it is related to my anxiety. New situations make me anxious. Meeting new people or socializing with groups of people make me anxious. Changes make me anxious. And when I am anxious, I get overwhelmed. There is so much going on and then, on top of that, I have to deal with everything that my anxiety brings to the table. I get overwhelmed by too much happening at once or feeling like I am being rushed. There are ways to deal with it though and here are some things that I have learned for dealing with anxiety and being overwhelmed.

Stop for a moment and take a breath: You have probably already heard about how much breathing can help calm you down but it is definitely something that I myself forget to do in situations where I am overwhelmed and my anxiety is acting up. I used to get a lot of anxiety when getting needles (I still get some anxiety but having to get IV infusions every 8 weeks has gotten me more used to needles) and had to ask the nurses to remind me to breathe because my breathing would act up and I would start sweating or even shaking in some instances. When I get anxiety, my breathing often goes funny and I will sometimes hyperventilate. Taking a moment to just stop, leave everything to the side, and take a few deep breaths can really help clear your head and set you up to tackle whatever situation you are in. When you are feeling overwhelmed, it feels like things just keep piling up so pausing and taking a breath can stop that feeling of things piling up.

Let people know what you are going through: In certain situations when you are with people and you are becoming overwhelmed or you think that your anxiety is going to act up or it is acting up, telling the people you're with about it can really help. When I started volunteering with my local chapter of Crohn's and Colitis Canada, I told the president of the chapter about my anxiety. When I joined a local community band, I ended up letting the conductor know about my anxiety after the first few band rehearsals since my anxiety had gotten quite bad during them. In both cases, it really helped me, even if it did not necessarily help calm my anxiety. It just helped to know that they knew what I was going through instead of thinking that they must be judging me for acting strange or think that something else is wrong with me. When I told them, they were also very understanding so I knew that if my anxiety acted up again they would be understanding then too. 

Ask questions to clear things up or ensure that you are on the right track: I know that, for me, not knowing can cause a lot of anxiety and make me feel overwhelmed because I start worrying about what is to come, whether I am doing something right, etc. I therefore ask lots of questions and like knowing what to expect. It helps lessen the anxiety and makes me feel less overwhelmed because there is a plan laid out. Even if there are a lot of steps to the plan or it is only a very basic plan, I at least have something to work with and I can use it to figure things out one step at a time.

Take breaks to recharge: Taking a break and getting away from people or a situation for a little while can really help clear your head and help you recharge so that you will be ready when you return. As an anxious introvert, I need my alone time. Even if it is just a few moments alone in a washroom. People and certain situations can feel suffocating and I just need to go somewhere where I can finally breathe.

Take things one day at a time or even one moment at a time: Life can be so overwhelming and we just have to remember to take things one step at a time. Even if we feel like we need to get everything done now and feel like we are in a rush, we need to remember that that is not how things work. Everything takes time so we need to slow down and take the time needed. Sometimes we might feel like we just want to get something over with and can't wait for it to be done because it is causing us a lot of anxiety but we need to take things one moment at a time and we might actually end up enjoying whatever it was that was causing us so much anxiety in the first place. When it came to my library placements, I had a lot of anxiety. Before even starting the placements, I was already telling myself that it was only 15 days per placement and that I just had to get through it then it would all be over and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. In the end, I actually ended up really enjoying my placements and learning a lot despite my anxiety and was actually sad for my first placement to be over and am sad that tomorrow is the last day of my second placement.

I hope maybe these things help you as much as they help me.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Chronic Diseases: Worries and Dreams

I have two chronic diseases, both of them autoimmune diseases, which I have previously spoken about here on my blog: ulcerative colitis and psoriasis. I try to stay positive, especially since I am a young person and still have my whole life ahead of me, but there are still worries. Even though my treatments for both diseases are going well and keeping them under control, the diseases are still there in my body since cures for them do not exist yet and this of course causes concerns. There are both good sides and bad sides to these diseases and I have been thinking about them a lot recently and thought that I would share them here. I have split them up into the categories of "worries" and "dreams" since the bad parts that I have been thinking of lately are more like worries due to the fact that my diseases are under control right now and I have my personal dreams of what I can do as a person with these diseases.

Worries:
Having two autoimmune diseases makes me worry about what comes next. I worry about my future health. I worry about my future body. What will my body be like as I grow older and eventually reach an old age when people normally start getting a lot of health problems if I already have chronic diseases as a young person? What will my diseases that I already have be like? What other issues will these diseases possibly cause in the future? I already got a second autoimmune disease, possibly from already having one. What other autoimmune diseases might I get? Also, what about my mental health? My diseases that I already have have affected my anxiety a lot. How will they further affect my anxiety and how else might they affect other aspects of my mental health? Then, of course, there is the fact that I am stressing out about all of this and stress can make my health worse and that causes me to stress out about the fact that I am stressing out too much. I just have to take things one step at a time and not worry about what has not happened yet.

Dreams:
I was not raised with religion and do not really follow a sole religion, although I do consider myself to be spiritual, but I believe that things happen for a reason, not necessarily caused by a higher being,  and so I must have these diseases for a reason. That sounds mean since awful things that people do not deserve happen to them and it sounds terrible to say that those things happened for  reason but it is one way that I personally cope with having chronic diseases. Maybe I have them so that they can teach me something. These diseases have definitely made me more accepting of others who have health issues. I have also learned a lot more about health and wellness, medical issues, medications, the health system, etc. because of these diseases. They have also made me rethink my life, focusing on my health a lot more and turning me into a more positive person. I am more aware of my body now and try to pay more attention to my mental health. Maybe I have them so that I can help others with diseases, educate people about chronic diseases or raise awareness about them, or so that I can inspire other people by showing them that you can have a great life even if you have chronic diseases. Maybe I was needed in order to do one of these things and the best way for me to accomplish this was by having these diseases. Having these diseases has made me stronger and they have pushed me even more when it comes to wanting to achieve my hopes and dreams. When you feel like you have hit a low point, you have to just think that now there is nowhere to go but up. Even though I continue to go through health issues and have not necessarily hit the bottom, I keep the "nowhere to go but up" mentality and use all of the bad stuff that has happened as fuel for accomplishing my goals. As someone with Finnish ancestry, I also keep sisu in mind. Sisu is a Finnish word that us Finns live by and it is basically the act of continuing on even when you feel like you have come to the end. My dreams are of using these diseases to help me and other people rather than bring me down.

It is unfortunate that I have these diseases, especially as a young person, but they are a part of me rather than being who I am. I am not the diseases. I am me. I just have these diseases and have to deal with them and everything that they bring with them. They are a part of my life and they can be a part of why I accomplish my dreams. I just have to deal with them right and let them take me on the journey that they have been "given" to me for.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Playing Flute in a Community Band

When I went back to school in September 2017 (I decided to study in a library and information technician program online through a college's distance education), I also decided to join a community band in my city. I play flute and loved being in concert band in high school. I was definitely a band geek and it was amazing! High school would not have been the same without all of those band practices, concerts, band trips, and fellow band geek friends! Missing my high school concert band days was only part of the reason why I wanted to join a community band though. I also wanted to start playing flute again and just be a part of something. Getting sick in 2016 really pushed me to want to live life to the fullest!

When I joined the band, I was the only flute there. Because of this, as well as the fact that I hadn't played in a band for so long, I started experiencing a lot of anxiety while trying to practice the music with everyone. Everyone makes mistakes but I was so afraid to play a wrong note or not be able to hit a high note. It also freaked me out when I heard myself playing because I knew that everyone else could hear me too and I felt like they were judging me. I actually started hyperventilating a few times where I had to leave the room and sit out in the hall crying. After that happened, I started resorting to sitting out in the hall with my flute and music and trying to follow along. My anxiety had become so bad that I couldn't even be in the same room as everyone else. I also knew that I would not be able to participate in any of the concerts. Eventually, another flute player joined and she was a beginner so I now had a fellow flute to play with who was going to make mistakes. I should have been more comfortable, right? Wrong. I still sat out in the hall, trying to follow along and attempting, and failing, to play the music.

I finally started spending our practices in the room when we started playing Christmas music. Christmas music is fun, a lot easier, and more familiar to me than the other pieces. It made me build up some of the confidence that I needed to push me through my anxiety. Even though I still experienced a lot of anxiety, I managed to play some pieces and, more importantly, stayed in the same room as everyone else. It felt so amazing to be able to do that. I continued to practice in the room even after we were done with Christmas music. Eventually though, the pieces were just way too hard for me and my anxiety was still high so I stopped going to the practices for the rest of the year.

This past Fall, I went back to band. I still had anxiety but I continued to push through it. The other flute player and I started planning private practices on our own to practice the music and they have really been helping. Another flute player eventually joined which has made me even more comfortable and we all work together to help each other. I have been improving not only when it comes to playing, but also with my anxiety. I have been playing higher notes and have not been afraid of making a mistake. Now the problem is mostly that some of the pieces are too difficult or too fast but at least I try to play rather than not playing at all. I still don't participate in the concerts but maybe some day I will. I feel like I have come so far and that just makes me so happy!

Cheers,
Kaylie