Talking About Feelings

Something happened a few weeks ago. It was just a simple question that my Mom asked me but it felt so good for someone to actually ask me that question. It felt like something that I needed to be asked. While I was telling my Mom about my ulcerative colitis acting up, she asked me if I was worried about it. That's it. I then proceeded to answer the question and talk to her a bit about how I felt about my colitis acting up. This might not seem like such a big deal but I'll give you a bit of background information to explain why this was so important to me.

My latest Remicade infusion was on May 16th. My ulcerative colitis started acting up around three weeks before that date. I receive these infusions every two months and they keep my colitis pretty under control. Last time I received my infusion, my colitis only started acting up a few days before the infusion. So, the fact that my colitis started acting up three weeks before my next infusion was a bit concerning. During the month of April, I was really stressed out and I still am. One of my Great-Aunts passed away from cancer on April 10th. Less than a week before that, my Grandma (the sister of my Great-Aunt that passed away) was brought to our house to live with us for a while because her health has been going up and down. Just a few days after being with us, she had to go into the hospital (for the second time this year) for several weeks and now she is living with us again. She needs help with a lot of things and someone has to be with her at all times. All of this has been overwhelming for my family and I. Then add my colitis acting up on top of all of that. Of course, there were some great things that happened in April as well but I have still been stressed out.

My family and I can see that all of us are stressed out and overwhelmed by everything that has happened but we haven't really sat down and talked about it. Because of this, I know that I myself have been bottling up a lot of emotions and everyone else is probably doing the same which isn't healthy. We keep moving forward and deal with everything going on but I feel like we need to just let out everything that we're feeling. So, when my Mom asked if I was worried about my colitis acting up, it felt so good to finally be able to talk about one of the things that has been stressful for me. Especially since stress can make health problems worse and the recent stress may have therefore contributed to my colitis acting up. Also, it helped to just talk to my Mom about the fact that April was stressful and that the stress has continued into May.

Since my colitis got pretty bad in the Fall, it definitely stresses me out when it acts up and it worries me a bit even though I know that my doctors won't let it get as bad as it did before. I get a bit scared that the infusions aren't working or my colitis is going to start interfering more with my life. Worries aside, it just isn't pleasant when my colitis acts up. Having someone just ask about how I feel about my colitis acting up and to admit to them that I'm stressed out helps me let out some of the thoughts and emotions that I bottle up. Because that's a big problem that I have. I bottle up too much. So, talking about what I'm going through helps. A lot.

Although, sometimes I don't want to bother other people with my problems but I still need to talk to someone. Sometimes I'll start talking about something that's bothering me and nobody seems to want to even talk about it. It's like they try to avoid talking about it because it makes them uncomfortable or they don't want to take the time to listen or just don't want to pay attention to me talking for whatever time that it takes. And that itself bothers me. I'll start talking but they walk away. Or they just change the subject. Or they respond a bit but they don't want to really listen and really give some kind of answer. Just having someone listen to me get something off my chest helps a lot. It isn't very complicated.

I guess I'm just trying to say that we need to learn to talk about our feelings more and listen to other people when they need to talk about their own feelings. It doesn't make us weak. It shows that we are brave for wanting to talk about something that's bothering us. As for the people listening, they'll know that if something is bothering them, then they have someone that they can talk to about it too. It also helps to have someone really ask how we are feeling sometimes. And I mean ask how we are really feeling. Not just a simple small talk version of "how are you?" I know that. most times, I feel inclined to say that I'm fine when someone asks how I am. Everyone goes through tough times and so sometimes we just need people to care about how we are actually feeling and listen... and then we can be there to listen to them when they need us too.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Fireplace Videos To Keep You Warm Until Spring

Woah. I didn't post anything yesterday. And it was a week day. And I usually post every week day. So weird. I have been noticing lately that winter is getting to me. This always happens every year. Living in Northern Ontario, I usually start feeling a bit down around the middle of winter. I have more trouble concentrating than usual and don't feel as motivated to do things. I start dreaming of Spring and Summer. I wish that it was still Fall so that I could go outside and do things in weather that isn't too hot or too cold. I have to force myself to push through and get things done. I look for inspiration. I look for things to help me like music and meditation. I find things that make me happy and make me feel good. One of these things is fireplace videos.

My dad loves fireplace videos, although he always prefers enjoying a real fire, like the one in our woodstove at our camp or the peat-fed fire in the lounge at the Killarney View House in Killarney, Ireland (pictured above). That being said, I have found some great fireplace videos for the times when we don't have a real fire to enjoy and I hope you enjoy them too! Fireplaces are so relaxing and fireplace videos are an easy way to bring that form of relaxation into your home. I chose fireplace videos that aren't Christmas-y so that you can enjoy them all year (that means no Christmas music and no Christmas decorations), although I even enjoy the Christmas fireplaces at other times during the year as long as they only have Christmas decorations and don't have any Christmas music. Without further ado, here's my list! I have included the links to my favourites!

• 3 Hour Fireplace Video by MoneySavingVideos: This is one of my dad's favourite fireplace videos. It has the sounds of the crackling fire and, at one point in the video, you can hear a train in the distance. It even has someone stoking the fire once in a while! This will definitely make you feel like you are really there!

• Campfire by the River by TheSilentWatcher: Many fireplace videos are basically the same so it's nice to find fireplace videos that are different like this one! This video has a campfire by a river with a tree overlooking the river. There are also bird sounds. Campfire + beautiful landscape + nature sounds = feels like you're camping.

• Fireplace Videos by SPACEStv: SPACEStv has various fireplace videos using different kinds of fireplaces! These have no music and simply have the relaxing crackling sound of the fire. They all say yule log but they aren't all Christmas-y. Check out this great list!

These are just a few fireplace videos out there but they're pretty great! Let them warm up your winter and help you push through until Spring arrives!

Cheers,

Kay

The Vile Snake Will Always Sting You

Do you ever have those moments where you're so frustrated or angry that you don't feel like laughing or smiling? Or maybe you feel that it isn't right for you to laugh or smile because you're so frustrated or angry? I get like that sometimes. Something frustrates me or someone makes me angry and it doesn't matter what someone does to try and cheer me up. It doesn't matter what funny things I see or what things I do that normally make me happy. I feel like I just have to be alone because being around people will just irritate me even more.

I wrote this as I was going through one of those times. Writing this actually helped me cool down and clear my mind. Writing this was my alone time. My family (parents, brother, and pet) were either in the living room eating supper and watching shows on Netflix or doing things together around the house. I decided to eat something later and instead lock myself in my bedroom and have some alone time, writing this post and researching blog-related subjects. I realized why parents send their kids to their bedroom when their kids have temper tantrums. Being alone has a soothing affect on the body and mind.

While writing this post, I thought, "Could there be a poem somewhere that I could relate to right now?" I often go searching through literature in order to find helpful and healing words. Of course, I was able to find a poem about anger. Charles Lamb's poem "Anger" had the perfect thoughts on anger. The poem starts off "Anger in its time and place/ May assume a kind of grace./ It must have some reason in it,/ And not last beyond a minute./ If to further lengths it go,/ It does into malice grow." Lamb is basically saying that it is okay to be angry as long as there is reason behind it and as long as it doesn't last. In other words, don't dwell on anger and let it consume you. He goes on to compare anger to a bee and a snake. A single bee will sting you once but never again after that (because it loses its stinger). This comparison is the anger that has a reason and doesn't last long. A snake, however, can bite you again and again and each time will hurt, as Lamb describes in the last line: "The vile snake will always sting you." This comparison is the anger that lasts too long, it continues to hurt you.

We must control our anger and not let it control us because the anger will just hurt us. Anger, used at the right time and for the right reason, can sometimes be beneficial. It is important to remember these things and to realize when we are letting anger control us.

Here's to learning when to stop for a moment and reflect on our feelings!

Cheers,
Kay

My Word For 2016

Just like choosing New Year's resolutions, many people will suggest coming up with a word for the New Year. A word that you will take with you wherever you go. A word that you will keep in your back pocket for those times when you face a challenge. A word that will serve you and help you to accomplish your goals. A word that speaks to you. A word that you need in your life.

I decided to choose a word for 2016. I knew that I needed a strong word to guide me. I have so many plans for this year and I'm not really sure where to begin, or even how. I sometimes have trouble starting things, going after what I want. I needed a word that would give me confidence, determination, and strength. A word that would help me in my goals, but also in the challenges that I face. For 2016, I chose the word BRAVE.

To me, BRAVE means doing things even when they scare me. For me, the word BRAVE reminds me of other words like COURAGE, CONFIDENT, STRONG, ACTION, LEARN, and GROW. The word BRAVE tells me that it's okay to be afraid, but you just can't let that fear stop you. You need to gather up your courage and do or be whatever your heart desires. Through fear, we can be brave, and by being brave, we can grow and become stronger.

Blogging again is one way in which I am being brave. As I explained before, blogging scared me. My perfectionism and lack of knowledge of web design prevented me from posting here on my blog for a long time. I was scared to talk about certain things. I was scared to put myself out there. I was scared that I wasn't good enough. But I decided to start blogging again. I wanted to start blogging again, and so I did. I started talking about the things that I felt needed to be said. I put myself out there and I loved it. It helped me think about things that were bothering me. It helped me think things through, break things down, and learn.

This is just the beginning. I still have the whole year ahead of me and I have so many things that I want to do, many of which scare me. Many of which I could have started a while ago but didn't because fear was holding me back. I'm excited. I feel strong and motivated. I'm going to go and do things and make things happen. That's what BRAVE will do for me. It will guide me and remind me that, to do the things that scare me, I just need to be brave.

Cheers,
Kay