One Month of Daily Gratitude

I love gratitude lists! They are quick ways of reminding yourself of the gratitude in your life. I've tried writing daily gratitude lists before but it never became a habit. I have been looking at other people's daily gratitude lists and it inspired me to try it again for at least a month. I made it a goal for the whole month of April. I even used an empty journal that I had so that I could write my lists in an actual gratitude diary. At the end of the day, I would jot down a few things that I was grateful for on that specific day or I would make myself write them down not long after they happened. Some things were written into more of a sentence and others were just point form. I wrote at least one thing each day. My gratitude ranges from simple things like hearing birds through an open window to big things like winning second place in a short essay contest.

Writing these daily lists made me realize that there is always something to be grateful for, even during tough times in our life. April wasn't easy for me. My Grandma's health was going up and down and my Great-Aunt Mary passed away. Even with all of this happening, there were still good things that happened and making these lists helped me to see that this month wasn't all bad. I think that's the great thing about making gratitude lists, they show you that there is always something good that you might miss if you don't pay attention to it. The stress of April has been continuing into May so I'm glad that I have decided to continue my gratitude diary. It helps a lot!

If you're curious about what my daily gratitude lists look like, here are my lists from April. Enjoy!

April 1:

• Walking my dog on a beautiful day with my brother
• My cat being happy to see me
• Friends staying for a little while to chat
• Recognizing and moving past unhelpful thoughts
• I found out that my cousin got engaged

April 2:

• Morning walk with my brother to get brunch
• Warm sunny weather
• Baking cookies while I drank tea and listened to music
• Chatting with a friend
• Feeling productive today because my brother and I got some things done around the house
• Talking to my best friend about something that has been bothering me lately
• Finding out that my Dad is going to buy Fan Expo tickets for my brother and I

April 3:

• Lots of walking
• Carpets of moss
• Squishy mud
• Writing a letter to my pen pal from Indonesia

April 4:

• Grandma is here at our house to stay while she recuperates from her health problems
• Working together with my brother to get the house ready for Grandma's stay
• Having supper ready for my parents and Grandma when they got home
• Baking muffins

April 5:

• A good shower
• Got my pen pal letter mailed out
• Grandma commented on how pretty a Chickadee was (Chickadees just happen to be my favourite bird)
• Chocolate covered vanilla ice cream bars
• Chocolate milk and a roasted garlic and cheese bagel toasted with herb and garlic cream cheese
• My cat crawled up on Grandma's bed

April 6:

• Recognizing when I needed time alone and giving myself that time

April 7:

• Two lovely ladies commented on how they liked my outfit
• First little bike ride of the year in the evening when the sun was going down

April 8:

• Baking cupcakes for my Dad's birthday (My Dad loved them)
• Biking to the cemetery
• Some plants are starting to come up in our yard

April 9:

• Earl Grey tea and lemon coffee cake for breakfast
• My cat snoozing on my bed
• Writing my Spring goals list
• Being encouraged to write by my city's current poet laureate

April 10:

• My Great-Aunt Mary had a wonderful life

April 11:

• Not forcing myself to focus when I can't focus
• Playing with my cat

April 12:

• Hearing birds through an open window
• Made a wire gem tree as a late birthday present for my Dad

April 13:

• I bought a book that I've been wanting to buy
• I found out that I won second place in a short essay contest
• I saw the first robin that I've seen this Spring
• Eating ice cream with Grandma
• Seeing all of the solar lights lit up in the cemetery this evening

April 14:

• Biking with my Mom
• Feeling like I'm finally starting to figure out my life a bit

April 15:

• The first episode of the new season of Doctor Who

April 16:

• Baking
• A great Easter supper
• Spending time with my family

April 17:

• Cadbury creme egg
• A really nice cashier

April 18:

• I completed my main goal for today of finding something that I needed to find (it was easier to find than I thought
• Getting questions answered (and receiving the answers that I was hoping for)
• My cat groomed my rabbit
• I figured out how to scan documents to save on the computer
• A very productive day

April 19:

• Homemade pizza
• A nice email

April 20:

• I finished my application for the Library and Information Technician program through Confederation College's distance education

April 21:

• Wearing an outfit that makes me happy
• Waking up earlier and getting ready earlier in the morning
• Homemade chocolate peanut butter cups

April 22:

• Drinking tea on the front porch with my cat on my lap
• My Mom finally found the library book that she borrowed using my library card (the day before it was due)

April 23:

• Funny TV show
• Perogies in tomato soup

April 24:

• My first donation for this year's Gutsy Walk and it was the amount that I set as my goal!

April 25:

• I'm going to be starting the Library and Information Technician program through Confederation College's distance education in September

April 26:

• My family
• My pets
• Spring peepers
• Earl Grey tea

April 27:

• Wind chimes and birds
• Trying  a new cookie recipe

April 28:

• Spending time with my best friend
• Bubble tea
• Exploring
• Lots of walking
• The power coming back on after going out yesterday
• My favourite teacher from elementary school saying "Hi!" to my friend and I while we were walking past her car that was stopped on the road

April 29:

• A good shower in the morning
• Getting my Grandma out of her hospital room for a little while
• Vegetarian tacos

April 30:

• Buying books and art pencils on sale and getting even better sales on them than I originally thought
• Going up to the camp for the night

Cheers,
Kaylie

Letters to my Future Self (Positivity Exercise)

I find writing to my future self to be an interesting exercise. Most times you are writing about your present life to your future self and then when you actually are your future self, you will be reading about your past. So basically it includes past, present, and future all in one activity. Pretty neat, huh?

There are various ideas for what to write to your future self but the basics of this exercise are as follows:

1. Find some paper and an envelope.
2. Write a letter to your future self.
3. Seal the letter in the envelope and write the date on which you would like to open the letter.

You don't have to only write one letter either. You can write several letters about different things or you can write a letter at certain ages or certain stages in your life. Some people write about what is happening in their life right now along with their goals and dreams and choose to open those letters on certain milestone birthdays or at the time of other milestones in their life. Some people write letters to their future spouse or future children or future grandchildren. Some people write a letter to their best friend to be opened on a future date or for a milestone birthday. There are so many possibilities for this exercise!

Here are some ideas of what you can write about in your letter (a whole list, actually) or maybe you'd like to write a separate letter for each topic:

• What is happening right now in your life

• What is happening right now in the world and what you think of all of it

• Accomplishments so far

• Goals and dreams

• Favourite memory/memories

• Pep talk

• What you think your future will look like/hope your future will look like

• Challenges that you have overcome so far

• Your current favourite things (music, movies, books, places, activities, experiences, etc.)

• The most important people in your life and why they are important

• What you love about yourself right now 

•  Current hobbies

• What you would like to change about your present self (what kind of person do you hope to be in the future?)

• Things that you never want to forget (memories, experiences, people, pets, accomplishments, challenges, etc.)

• Who, what, where, when, why, how (who: the kind of person you are right now, what: what you do right now, where: where you live right now, when: the date right now, why: why you do what you do and think what you do right now, how: how do you live right now [beliefs, morals, values]) 

More Ideas:

• Include some photos 

•  Add some drawings  

• Write a poem to your future self  

• Add some extra little (flat) things in the envelope like a movie ticket from a movie that you saw recently, the program or brochure from an event that you went to recently, a note from a friend, etc. 

•  Get your friend to write a letter to your future self and add it to the envelope without looking at it

•  Make a collage of your favourite things and attach it to your letter or add it inside the envelope

• Decorate your letter and envelope in whatever way you like

• Turn a small box into a mini time capsule and add your letter(s) to it along with other little things from your current life

I know that it's important to stay in the present moment but this exercise gives you an excuse to think about the past and future and celebrate them! We need to appreciate the past and feel grateful for it. The things that happened in the past happened for a reason and we need to learn from them. The future has yet to come and so we need to plan for it. We can dream about it too. Sure, some things will just happen and we need to be flexible but some things need a bit of planning.

I have already written a letter using some of these ideas to be opened on my 30th birthday and I know that I will definitely be writing more and coming back to this post for further ideas! If you choose to try this exercise, I hope you have fun!

Cheers,

Kaylie

Finding Inner Peace Before Outer Peace

During the time that I've spent facing my personal challenges and figuring out how to deal with them, I came to a realization about peace. It came to me as a question: How can I want the world to be at peace if I'm not even at peace with myself? Seeing all of the bad things that have been happening in the world within  the past few years (and even longer than that), I have wondered what it's going to take for the world to be peaceful. Of course, you can hope for peace or you can create it, one little step at a time. However, you need to find inner peace first. How can you speak of peace if you haven't even found peace within you? If you haven't learned to control your own challenges? If you are going through tough times? Maybe spreading peace in the world will help you with your inner peace but shouldn't you focus on your inner peace before outer peace? Shouldn't you find peace within yourself? Shouldn't you learn to be at peace with yourself? Shouldn't you create peace within yourself?

Sure, you can smile and pretend that everything is okay while you try to spread peace and help other people but all that you'll be doing is wearing a mask if you don't address what you're going through and do something about it. Wouldn't you like to be at peace before you start spreading peace? It's just like that idea of self-love: How can you love other people if you don't even love yourself? By finding inner peace, we learn how to be peaceful and I think that's the first step to making the world peaceful. Be a peaceful person. Show peace. Feel peace. Be peace. Then you can create peace outside of yourself.

Now, I admit that I still have some work to do on myself. I want peace in the world but I am still in the process of finding peace within myself. Writing this post, I felt like maybe I am not qualified to write it since I am still in the process of doing exactly what I say should be done. But then again, I need to write this to get these ideas out and start acting on them. I need to address the fact that I am still working on finding inner peace so that I can begin to find inner peace. And then I can work on taking steps to do my part in making the world a more peaceful place.

My problem is that I bottle up a lot. I bottle up emotions, thoughts, worries, and fear. I bottle them up until I finally just break down. My mind is not always at peace. It's a crazy storm that just keeps going, as well as growing bigger. It makes it hard to concentrate. It makes it hard to relax. If I address what I'm feeling and learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, then I'll be able to focus on other things. I could try to focus on other things but it would only be temporary. My restless mind will just be there waiting for me to get back after the distraction.

People find peace in various ways. Meditation, yoga, belief systems, art, and music are just some of the ways that people relax and deal with whatever life throws at them. Our mind can be both our best friend and our greatest enemy. It can pick us up or it can throw us down. We need to learn how to control it. We need to use it to our advantage. We need to use it to make ourselves better people and make the world a better place. We need to remember to keep working on it and then, someday, we will feel enough inner peace to be able to spread our peace further out into the world.

Wishing you peace,
Kay

Hopping On The Colouring Book Bandwagon

Like so many people, I have bought a few adult colouring books. Yes, I have been swept up into the adult colouring book fad. Colouring is a way of relaxing and de-stressing. In my mind, it's a form of meditation since you are focusing and concentrating on something and relaxing. However, it wasn't so easy for me to start. I know what you might be thinking: "But it's just colouring! Kids do it! It's so simple! Just colour the picture! That's all there is to it!" You're right. But for me, I wanted to use it to relax, de-stress, and meditate and that's what made it difficult for me.

I used to be a major perfectionist. I'm not as bad now but that perfectionist tendency is still there within me. When I'm colouring something or making any kind of art or craft, the perfectionist in me peeks out through my eyes and makes it a bit hard for me to do my work without worrying about the way that it looks. I actually kind of like it, though, because it often helps me make my arts and crafts look better. When I'm colouring, however, I want to relax and not necessarily worry so much about the way that it looks so I'd rather push the perfectionist aside and tell them to just shut up. I decided to start doing that and to just treat colouring as an experiment with colour and different colouring techniques. It isn't a place for me to be perfect, it's a place for me to just try things out that maybe I can use when I make my own drawings. I can worry about making my own drawings or paintings perfect but colouring will be a place to just have fun and practice.

Another thing that makes colouring a bit difficult for me is the fact that I sometimes (or maybe more often than sometimes) have trouble concentrating on things for long amounts of time. So trying to colour a picture became very stressful for me because I would get to a point where I wanted to move on to something else. I have since learned to simply try to relax while colouring and then move on to something else if I want to or if I start getting too stressed out.

A more minor reason for why I have trouble relaxing while colouring is the fact that I press hard when I write or colour with a pencil. I need to learn to just loosen up and relax my hand. This isn't as big a problem as my previous two but it still prevents me from relaxing while colouring so it's something that I just have to work on.

Colouring can be a really great tool for relaxing and, for me, it has been a lesson in life. It has taught me to face my challenges and try to solve them. It has taught me to approach things differently according to the way that I am. Most of all, it is teaching me not to take things too seriously all of the time and to just have fun.

Cheers,
Kay

Tea Meditation

A tea meditation is a nice meditation to do in the morning or evening when you're drinking a cup of tea. You basically use all of your senses to experience and enjoy your tea. By using all of your senses as you drink the tea and paying attention to them, you stay in the present moment. If thoughts come, just let them float on by and bring your attention back to the tea. Here we go!

Tea Meditation:
Pour yourself a cup of tea. Pick a flavour that you really like and use your favourite mug or tea cup. Smell the tea and take deep breaths of the steam coming from the hot liquid. Feel the warmth of the cup on your hands. Look at the colour and the stillness of the liquid. Take a drink and listen to the sound as you sip the tea. Keep the tea in your mouth for a moment in order to experience the unique flavour. Feel the warmth of the tea in your mouth and as it runs down your throat. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the tea that you are drinking and think of the healing aspects of tea. Imagine the tea spreading to all areas of your body, warming it and healing it. Repeat these steps as you drink the rest of your tea.

Cheers,
Kay

My Go-To Feel Good Movies

Everyone has movies that they watch again and again and again. Because they love them. Because they never get tired of them. Because they make them feel good. I have a list of movies that I turn to when I need to feel better on a bad day. When I need some inspiration. When I need to watch something that makes me see that the world isn't such a bad place all because these movies exist. I just turn on one of my feel good movies and sit back and relax.

Maybe your list is different from mine. Maybe you like different genres, different stories, different characters. The movies I like are strange, interesting, unique, funny, happy, bright, and lovely. They let me live a different life for just a little while and that is a wonderful wonderful thing. Here is my list along with short descriptions of each film. Enjoy!

• Moonrise Kingdom: A young orphan at a scouting camp falls in a love with his pen pal and they run away together.

Why I love it: It is fun and silly. It takes place in 1965 so you get a lot of vintage goodness and the story shows a beautiful story of young love.

• Brave: A Scottish princess is being forced by her mother to be engaged and married but she is strong and wants to be in control of her own life.

Why I love it: I'm a feminist and I don't think that I'll ever get married so I can really relate to this character. Also, I just love her! She wants to take control of her own life and do what she wants, even if other people don't think that she should.

• Splinterheads: A young man doesn't know what to do with his life until he falls in love with a splinterhead from a travelling carnival who loves geocaching and adventures.

Why I love it: I'm a geocacher so it's nice to see an awesome movie that has geocaching in it. The story is fun and it's just a really different movie with interesting characters.

• Practical Magic: Witches. Magic. Romance. What more can I say?

Why I love it: This movie has awesome locations, especially the house! I love magic and the story focuses on women solving a big problem, so it's great!

• Somewhere in Time: A man falls in love with a beautiful actress from the past so he travels back in time to meet her.

Why I love it: A sweet romantic story with time travelling is always interesting. Also, it was filmed at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island in Michigan, where I actually stayed once (the photo at the top of this post is from the room that we stayed in).

• Tuck Everlasting: A young girl falls in love with the youngest son of an immortal family.

Why I love it: It takes place in the early 1900s and addresses the question of whether someone would want to live forever if given the chance. I have read the book and there are some big differences but I still like both the book and the movie.

• The Rocky Horror Picture Show: A newly engaged couple have car troubles but they find a mysterious mansion filled with strange people not knowing that the craziest things are about to happen.

Why I love it: It is a fun and crazy musical with amazing characters.

Cheers,

Kay

An Improvement Over The Present

We often find ourselves thinking about the past, of those beautiful memories that we have stored away or of times before our own that seemed so much better than certain moments of this life that we are living now. Other times, we find ourselves thinking about the future, about what we're going to do tomorrow or in a few days or months or years, of how much better it will be. We think of these times rather than the present, the moment that we are living right now. These days, months, years that will pass by which we will someday wish would return.

One of my favourite poems, "Nostalgia" by Billy Collins, deals with these ideas. He asks us to think of various eras and of all of the wonderful things during those times. He speaks of these eras as though he has lived through them. He goes on like this until he gets closer to the end of the poem and moves onto remembering his own past. He says "or at least let me/ recapture the serenity of last month when we picked/ berries and glided through afternoons in a canoe" and he also states that "Even this morning would be an improvement over the present." At the end of the poem, he describes how he was thinking about the past and how he was even thinking about the future as well. This poem is about how we reminisce about the past and we imagine the future instead of being here and now in the present moment.

I often find myself reminiscing about the past or dwelling on bad experiences from the past. I even think about what it was like during the different eras before I was even born. I also find myself planning for the future and imagining what it might be like. Both things are nice and we should remember the past since we can learn from it as well as plan for the future because planning is important but we must remember that we are living right now so we should enjoy it. Each moment that we live slips away so quickly and before you know it, several days, months, years, or decades have passed and you wonder where the time went. For me, high school and my university undergrad went by so quickly. I still can't believe that I finished high school four years ago. It doesn't feel like it has been that long. I also can't believe that I have my Bachelor of Arts degree. I still remember when I was in my first year of university and I knew a young woman in her third year and I felt so young compared to her. Now I'm done university and I feel so much older than all of those kids who are currently working on their undergrad (the ones who are actually younger than me, of course, I realize that someone older than me could be working on their undergrad right now).

It can be difficult to stay in the present if you're like me and your mind is like a person rushing through a library grabbing book after book off of the shelves. My thoughts often jump from one thing to the next, so much that I need to remind myself to write down good ideas that I come up with before I forget them. My imagination can be pretty crazy too although I am definitely grateful for having a wild imagination. I try to just look around me sometimes, noticing what is happening around me right now. I try to meditate as well, focusing on my breath and not dwelling on thoughts, however, that is proving to be more and more difficult. I guess I just have some improving to do.

Cheers,
Kay

Introvert Alone Time

Introvert Alone Time. That's what I call all of those times when us introverts need some alone time in order to recover from social situations. I touched on this a little bit when I talked about being an introvert in another post but I felt that it was something that I needed to talk about in more detail. Being social can really tire you out when you're an introvert. Actually, just being around people can tire you out! I can handle a social situation or being around people for only so long. After a while, I start to feel overwhelmed and then I need to get away.

That's just how us introverts are and I hope that no one takes it the wrong way. It's not that we don't like you or other people, it's just that our personalities can only handle so much when it comes to being social. After hanging out with a friend (yes, it could be just one friend), I need some alone time to recharge. After spending time with family, I will often go off on my own, usually to my bedroom, to just do something on my own like go on my laptop or read a book. Sometimes I can't wait until I'm done spending time with family and friends to spend time alone and I will spend an extra few minutes in the bathroom during a bathroom break just being, well, alone.

Maybe this sounds strange to some people but ask an introvert and they will most likely tell you that they too need some alone time. Being social and being around people can be really draining. It feels like I get zapped of energy or that I get stressed out from all of the interactions. Being alone gives me time to just breathe and think all by myself. When I'm alone, even in just a bathroom, it feels like I finally have some space. I finally have some room to breathe and relax my mind. I don't have to focus on what other people are saying or on what is happening around me. I don't have to contribute anything to the conversation or activity. I don't have to think about specific things. I don't have to do anything, really.

So what does it feel like after having some introvert alone time? I personally feel recharged. I feel relaxed and refreshed. It's like how you feel after taking a nice shower or waking up from a great sleep. You feel happy and full of energy. It's amazing! I think of my alone time as a form of meditation, in a way. It relaxes me and energizes me, much like deep, slow breathing does during meditation. If I need to go back to a social situation after my alone time, then that's fine because I feel ready to go back. If I don't need to go back to a social situation, then that's even better because it means that I can have a longer session of introvert alone time.

We all need to be alone sometimes. Introverts just need it more than others.

Cheers,
Kay

Cineplex's Lily & the Snowman

The last time I went to the movie theatre with my family, there was a segment during the previews about the making of Cineplex's Lily & the Snowman, an animated short film that can be viewed for free on the Cineplex website. The makers talked about working on various aspects of the short film like the animation, the music, etc. I was instantly intrigued. I also saw an advertisement for the short film in the Cineplex magazine, a free magazine that you can get at Cineplex theatres. The full page advertisement looked like a movie poster with the title at the top, an image for the film in the center, and a sentence at the bottom of the page reading "Don't let the world get in the way of what you love." I loved the simple image and inspiring phrase on this page so I cut the advertisement out of the magazine once I got home. I planned to watch the short film. After all, it was a short film so it wouldn't take very long and it looked interesting.

It actually took me quite a while to finally visit the Lily & the Snowman page on the Cineplex website and finally watch the short film. When I did finally watch it, however, I was touched. It is such a heartwarming film and I almost cried at the end. This charming animated short follows the life of a young girl as she builds a snowman who comes to life and creates shadow puppet shows on the fence in her backyard, very much like little films. The little girl is fascinated and excited by these shows and she enjoys them every winter as she grows up. For her, they are a sense of wonder! Over time, however, life gets in the way and pulls Lily and the snowman apart. This friend and these shows were something that Lily enjoyed and yet she lets herself fall into the habit of following a repetitive road of everyday life. What happens in the end? Well, you'll just have to watch it to find out!

This little film made me think of my own interests and passions. There are so many that I enjoy that have been pushed to the side for far too long. I'd love to start practicing piano and flute again. I'd love to draw and paint more. I'd love to start writing more. The problem with me, however, is that my interests get pushed to the side because I have trouble concentrating and I'm beginning to think more and more that my having trouble concentrating is actually more of a problem than I previously thought. I might start working on something only to put it aside for a while or sometimes a very long time because I just can't concentrate on it for very long. Sometimes I have trouble even getting started on it. I even have trouble writing blog posts sometimes because of all of this. That's one of the differences between Lily and I. Her life is what gets in the way of what she loves whereas for me it's the fact that I have trouble concentrating that gets in the way. I can still take away the lesson from the film to help me in my own life, though. I'm determined to try harder to concentrate on my interests and to find ways to help me concentrate. I'm determined not to let my concentration problem get in the way of what I love.

I ended up watching this short film several times which was easy to do since it is only a little over two minutes long. I also watched the video about the making of Lily & the Snowman which I had seen before and can also be found on the same page. The song "Follow You Follow Me" by VAPOR feat. Adaline (originally by Genesis) is lovely and definitely works well in the film which has no dialogue. The music adds to the emotion needed for the film as well as spreading the message. And the message is a good one!

Cheers,
Kay

The Road Not Taken

Lately, I've been thinking about all of the things that I want to do. Things that I want to do now. Things that I want to do in the future. What I want to do with my life. That actually brings up something that I've been working on: figuring out what I want to do with my life. What direction do I want to go in? Which path, or road, do I want to take? Maybe I should just pave my own road?

This always makes me think of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, a poem that most people know. The last few lines of the poem are surely the most well known: "Two roads diverged in a wood and I,-/ I took the one less traveled by,/ And that has made all the difference." As a person, I am very... different. I was going to say weird but I'll just go with "different." I have known for a long time that I am going to travel down a different road from other people. I want to take the road less traveled. I'm fine with doing that. I'm not afraid. I just don't know what kind of road it is. I'm still figuring it out. I'm still figuring out my life. And that's okay. I'm young. I have my whole life ahead of me. I still have so much time. I still have so many options to explore. Sometimes it feels like there is so much pressure to figure out our whole lives when we are young but that's just way too difficult. We need more time. We need more experiences. We need to explore more of life.

I create my life. People can influence it, but I ultimately create it. I choose what I want my life to be. I can choose to decide now or I can choose to take my time. Some people decide quickly and others take more time. And that's okay. Some people know deep down what they want to do with their lives and others need to explore. I have so many things that I love to do and I'm trying to explore them and figure out how to fit all of them in my life. Which things will I turn into my career? Which things will I turn into my passions? Which things will I turn into my hobbies for when I just want to relax a bit?

Whatever I choose, I can indeed choose to travel down the road less traveled. I can even pave that road, therefore making myself the first person to travel down that road. I can create that road and see where it leads me. Maybe others will be willing to come along with me or at least encourage me along the way. Some people may wonder where I'm going or some may see exactly where I'm headed, because they too know what it's like to travel down these kinds of roads. No matter what, I don't think that anything is set in stone. Roads can change. But I shouldn't worry about that yet. I still have to figure out in which direction I'm going so that I can find my road, or find out where I'm going to build it.

Cheers,
Kay

Another Goal for 2016: Productivity

So I missed another day of publishing a blog post. This time was different from last time, though. This time, I got so caught up in doing something else that I forgot to write a blog post. I have decided not to be too hard on myself, however, because I usually have trouble concentrating on things for a long time. I was working my way through this week's modules for a free online course about musical notation. Things like this (learning courses) are the types of things that I normally have trouble concentrating on but I was actually able to concentrate on it for a while so I'm happy about that.

I guess this blog is my place to talk about things like that, how I have trouble concentrating and how I try to keep up with things. There are all sorts of challenges in my life that I am trying to work my way through. I'm trying to improve. I'm trying to become better at working on things. I'm trying to become better at concentrating on things. I'm trying to continue to learn more about the subjects that interest me. Winter is the perfect time when I'm stuck inside a lot. Once spring and summer come along, I'm going to want to spend more time outside. I've thought about bringing my hobbies outside with me during the warmer months. I could bring whatever I'm working on whether it be art, writing, studying, reading, etc. Maybe I'll bring them with me to our swing in our little garden area that we have dubbed our zen garden. Or maybe I'll bring them with me to the table on our front porch or to the lawn chairs beside our pool. Maybe working outside will give me a boost when it comes to productivity since it will be a change of environment.

I find that a change of environment helps with concentration. At home, I often get bored of the room that I'm working in and want to move my work elsewhere. Working in new places like various libraries has shown to help me work. I'll be in a different location and suddenly I get a lot of work done. Accomplishment makes me happy. I get a burst of pure joy when I'm able to tick something off of my to do list, especially since I procrastinate on a lot of the things on my to do lists. I write so many lists and most of the things won't get done for days, maybe even never.

Well, here's to being more productive. Another goal for this year.

Cheers,
Kay

Life Lessons That I Learned From University

Last week I shared a list of the life lessons that I learned from being a piano teacher. It got me thinking about life lessons that I have learned from other experiences in my life, like university. Maybe this will become a bit of a new blog post series on my blog. I probably won't write these blog posts a whole lot but maybe once in a while. We'll see. They'll all be found under the 'Life Lessons' label. Anyway, back to my university experience. If you have read my 'About' page, then you know that I graduated from Laurentian University in June 2015 with a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and a minor in French (as a second language). I therefore also have my bilingualism certificate for French as a second language. Now, looking back at my experience of doing a four year undergraduate degree in university, especially a Bachelor of Arts, I didn't just learn about the subjects that I was studying. I also learned a lot about life and myself. In the following list, I share what I learned.

1) Question everything: Don't understand something? Ask a question. Get answers. Don't like something or believe something or just have a different opinion? Question it. Challenge it. Let your voice be heard.

2) Think for yourself, you're allowed to have an opinion: This is connected to the life lesson above about questioning everything. You are allowed to think differently. You are allowed to have an opinion. You are allowed to be a free thinker. Open up your mind.

3) We have to figure out for ourselves how we learn best: I learned that classroom learning isn't the best option for me since I am a visual learner (as well as a bit of a kinesthetic learner) rather than an auditory learner. I learn better on my own and through online courses. Everyone is different. You just have to figure out how you learn best and use that to help you in future learning.

4) We are always learning: We start learning from the time that we are born and then for the rest of our lives. There is so much to learn, the world is so big, and we experience so many things. Even if you aren't in school, you still continue to learn and that's a beautiful thing.

5) The world is an amazing and crazy place: University is great for showing us how to look at the world differently. Trust me, you'll never see it the same way ever again.

University is definitely an incredible experience! It opens up your mind to new ideas and prepares you to go out into the world and make your own choices about how you want to live your life and how you want to think.

Cheers,
Kay

Fireplace Videos To Keep You Warm Until Spring

Woah. I didn't post anything yesterday. And it was a week day. And I usually post every week day. So weird. I have been noticing lately that winter is getting to me. This always happens every year. Living in Northern Ontario, I usually start feeling a bit down around the middle of winter. I have more trouble concentrating than usual and don't feel as motivated to do things. I start dreaming of Spring and Summer. I wish that it was still Fall so that I could go outside and do things in weather that isn't too hot or too cold. I have to force myself to push through and get things done. I look for inspiration. I look for things to help me like music and meditation. I find things that make me happy and make me feel good. One of these things is fireplace videos.

My dad loves fireplace videos, although he always prefers enjoying a real fire, like the one in our woodstove at our camp or the peat-fed fire in the lounge at the Killarney View House in Killarney, Ireland (pictured above). That being said, I have found some great fireplace videos for the times when we don't have a real fire to enjoy and I hope you enjoy them too! Fireplaces are so relaxing and fireplace videos are an easy way to bring that form of relaxation into your home. I chose fireplace videos that aren't Christmas-y so that you can enjoy them all year (that means no Christmas music and no Christmas decorations), although I even enjoy the Christmas fireplaces at other times during the year as long as they only have Christmas decorations and don't have any Christmas music. Without further ado, here's my list! I have included the links to my favourites!

• 3 Hour Fireplace Video by MoneySavingVideos: This is one of my dad's favourite fireplace videos. It has the sounds of the crackling fire and, at one point in the video, you can hear a train in the distance. It even has someone stoking the fire once in a while! This will definitely make you feel like you are really there!

• Campfire by the River by TheSilentWatcher: Many fireplace videos are basically the same so it's nice to find fireplace videos that are different like this one! This video has a campfire by a river with a tree overlooking the river. There are also bird sounds. Campfire + beautiful landscape + nature sounds = feels like you're camping.

• Fireplace Videos by SPACEStv: SPACEStv has various fireplace videos using different kinds of fireplaces! These have no music and simply have the relaxing crackling sound of the fire. They all say yule log but they aren't all Christmas-y. Check out this great list!

These are just a few fireplace videos out there but they're pretty great! Let them warm up your winter and help you push through until Spring arrives!

Cheers,

Kay

Life Lessons That I Learned From Being A Piano Teacher

I was a piano teacher for three years while I was in university. I had enough knowledge of playing piano so my own piano teacher hired me to work as a piano teacher in his piano teaching business, as he often did with other students. It was amazing for me to teach piano because I never really thought of myself becoming a piano teacher. I learned how to play the piano just for fun so it was awesome to actually see something come out of that education, all of those years of piano lessons. It was also amazing for me to teach piano because I learned a lot. Sometimes teaching was a breeze and other times it was more difficult depending on the students. Now that I am no longer teaching piano, I thought that I'd make a list of the life lessons that I learned from teaching piano.

1) Everyone is different in personality and the way that they learn: It is important to remember this and understand it. Understand different personality types and learning types. Get to know them or at least be accepting of them. You never know who you might meet in the world. Be prepared to do things a little differently when meeting various people in order to get to know them or at least have a nice conversation with them.

2) Put yourself in other people's shoes: This is connected to the lesson about how everyone is different. When speaking to someone and teaching someone, put yourself in their shoes. They might not understand what you're saying or teaching so accept and understand this. Once you do this, you can figure out a different approach to the subject.

3) Be open to learning new things: Some people might think that a teacher knows everything about what they teach but the truth is that they do not. They simply know a lot about it, so much that they are able to teach it. There is so much information about everything in the world that it would be hard to actually learn everything about a subject. So, even teachers still need to learn more about what they're teaching, as well as about how to teach. Students ask questions and sometimes we don't have the answers so that can be a great excuse to continue learning. Everyone should continue learning new things, whether or not you're a teacher.

4) Be enthusiastic about what you love: Whatever it is that you love, whether it be a hobby or a job, be enthusiastic about it! Show people that you love it! If you show enthusiasm for whatever it is that you love, then other people might be interested in it too.

5) Some people learn things just for fun: Even though I always learned piano just for fun, I had to remind myself that others do too, especially kids. As a piano teacher, I felt that my students needed to learn everything right now and that they needed to do it correctly in order to move on. It frustrated me when students didn't remember things that I had told them several times before or when they kept making the same mistakes over and over again. I had to realize that most of them will never become piano teachers or concert pianists. In fact, some students might not even continue piano lessons after one or several years. This doesn't mean that they don't want to learn, however, so we must let them and help them. In life, we have to accept that some people just like learning for fun and they might ask us questions about some of our hobbies or jobs and we should feed their curiosity because it is still important to learn, even if it's just for curiosity's sake.

We learn from all sorts of experiences and I definitely learned from my experience as a piano teacher!

Cheers,
Kay

A Love Letter To My Blog For Its 3rd Anniversary

To my dearest blog,

Tomorrow is your 3rd anniversary, so I want to express how deeply grateful I am for you. When I published my first blog post on February 13, 2013, I didn't know what would become of you. I had hopes of watching you grow very quickly, of spending lots of time with you, of doing great things together. Sadly, I neglected you. I started off posting a few times a week but then I posted less and less often. Large gaps of time stood between each blog post, and I can understand if you were lonely or maybe even afraid of what would happen to you. But I came back. You see, I needed you. I had so much that I needed to say to the world. So much that I needed to share. I knew that you would be the perfect helper.

I took my time giving you a makeover and planning all sorts of posts that I would start sharing. And then? I started blogging again. I shared my feelings. My observations. My thoughts. My stories. My life. It felt so good! I finally had a way to open up my mind and let everything out. You became a dear friend, once again. I could turn to you when I had something to say. In these few weeks since I started blogging again, you have become a sort of therapy for me. I used to bottle everything up until I would explode. Now I can share my experiences and unpack them. I can break them down and figure out what to do about them. I can share all of that here and I hope that it helps some people.

I'm sorry, darling, that I didn't post anything on your 2nd anniversary last year. Do understand that I was thinking of you. I didn't forget you. I just didn't know what to write about anymore. I think you could have helped me, though. I went through a lot of stress last year, trying to figure out who I am and in which direction I wanted to go with my life. I still am. At least I have you now.

So many amazing things have happened in my life and so many sad things have happened too. I'm ready to start sharing my stories with you and the world, well, at least the internet world. I look forward to many more years, dear blog. Many more anniversaries. Many more posts. Many more stories.

Love,
Kay

Some Dance To Remember, Some Dance To Forget

There are certain lyrics from the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles that really resonate with me; "some dance to remember, some dance to forget." Whenever I hear those lyrics, I relate in so many ways. You see, I bottle things up inside of me. I bottle them up and, most often, don't release any of those emotions, whether they be worries, fear, anger, sadness, or the feeling of being overwhelmed that I know oh so well. I get overwhelmed easily, so when I bottle up my feelings and they swirl around in my mind and they don't leave me alone, I feel like I just want to scream, and sometimes I do. When I bottle things up, I hold onto them and I don't let them go.

Now, some people want to remember the past and others want to forget it, just as it says in those lyrics. But the thing is, we cannot and should not follow only one of those choices. There are parts of the past that we should remember. We should obviously remember the good times but we should also remember certain bad times; the ones that we can learn from. I believe that this is one of the most important reasons that history should always be taught in school; we learn from our ancestors. We learn from their accomplishments and their mistakes and we should do the same when looking at our own pasts. Of course, there are certain memories that we need to simply accept and let go of. Forget about them and move on. Take the lessons away from them and leave the rest in the past. This is what I need to do with all of those feelings and bad experiences that I bottle up inside of me; I need to accept that these things happened, learn from them, and then release them from their prison that is my mind. I need to let them go.

It sometimes feels like I'm at war with my own mind, like my mind is partly disconnected from me, but connected just enough so that when I am fighting with it, I still feel like I am fighting myself. This is what it felt like when I was germophobic at an obsessive compulsive level for a few years starting in high school. It really feels like you have no control over your own mind. When it comes to the feelings that I bottle up, it feels like my mind is incapable of letting them go. I even tend to act out how I would react to something that hasn't even happened. These things usually have something to do with events or people that have angered me in some way. Instead of learning from the experience and letting it go, I hold onto them so much that I waste time thinking that those events might repeat themselves or that that person might show up again and that I have to be ready. I become defensive, even though nothing has happened yet and even though I don't even know what is going to happen. What I need to do is stop worrying about it and move on because it is holding me back.

When I dance, I want to remember, accept, learn, and move on. That's a lot of things to do while dancing, but it's worth it if it helps to let go of bottled up emotions. Either I can do that, or I can just enjoy the dance and not really think about anything except for the music and my feet.

Cheers,
Kay

Be A Smart Patient

On January 28th, I had my first appointment with my new gastroenterologist. The first gastroenterologist that I ever had was not for long-term care so my family doctor set me up with a new gastroenterologist but he retired about 2 years later. When he retired, my family doctor set me up with yet another gastroenterologist. It took me a while to finally get an appointment since it was rescheduled twice, but it was worth it. She's amazing. I wasn't sure if I should be excited or nervous but everything turned out okay. In fact, it was better than I could have ever imagined.

I told her my whole history with intestinal disease. I first started having symptoms of blood in the stool around December 2011 but there was never any pain. My first colonoscopy in July 2012 showed inflammation and ulcers in the end of my large intestine and I was diagnosed with proctitis. I was prescribed cortifoam and then suppositories but the blood came back after I finished those medications and I was then sent to another gastroenterologist. This new one sent me for another colonoscopy around January or February 2013 which showed that there was now only inflammation in the end of my large intestine but it was all in one spot and I was prescribed enemas. I was also sent for a  CT scan (which was messed up because I was not given correct instructions) and it showed a suggestion of tightening of the end of my small intestine. My gastroenterologist said that that meant it was Crohn's Disease and I was prescribed mesalazine tablets which I had to work up to 8 per day. I continued taking enemas but the thing is that the blood would go away while I was taking enemas or suppositories but it would come back after I stopped the medication. At one point, I decided to try something on my own. I decided to try working with my diet to see if I could figure out a diet that would help me all the time, or at least most of the time. I started with following a low residue diet and then moved onto a pescetarian diet in May 2015. By following a pescetarian diet, I was not getting any blood most of the time, and when I did get blood, it was only a small amount. I also wasn't sure about the mesalazine tablets. I always asked my previous gastroenterologist if they would help the inflammation at the end of my large intestine and he always told me that they didn't really make it that far down. So I was always left thinking "Why am I taking so many of these pills if they won't even help the bleeding?" I just assumed that they were all for my small intestine but I decided to lower the dose myself to 4 per day.

I was afraid that my newest gastroenterologist might be a bit disappointed in me for lowering the dose myself or that she might not be a big believer in trying a pescetarian diet but I had nothing to worry about. She was so nice and she appreciated how much I knew and understood about my situation. She said that my question about the mesalazine tablets in regards to my situation was a very smart question. She also told me about how a test had shown that a pescetarian diet worked better than a normal diet when it came to patients with an intestinal disease. She explained that it's actually a very healthy kind of diet. The one thing that she said that made me the happiest, however, was that, looking at my previous tests and everything that I told her, it looked like I actually did have ulcerative proctitis and not Crohn's Disease. She explained how much better proctitis is than Crohn's and colitis. Proctitis is quite common and it does not put a person at higher risk of colorectal cancer. It can be treated simply with suppositories during a flare-up. She explained that some people have a lot of flare-ups and other people might just get a flare-up once in a while. She told me that I didn't have to take the mesalazine tablets anymore. I was so relieved! For several years, I had worried about my intestines and my health since I had been told that it was Crohn's Disease. I was worried when I decided to lower the dose of medication myself. I was worried that I would get a new gastroenterologist who would just send me for tests and prescribe me medication and wouldn't really listen to me. I needed someone who would listen to my questions and concerns. I needed someone who was okay with me trying things on my own to see what would work for me. In the end, I got the kind of gastroenterologist that I needed and I am so glad that I did!

I went through all of that over the course of five years. I worried and was stressed out over all of this for five years of my life when I didn't even have to be. If my second gastroenterologist had paid more attention to all of the information and he had really listened to my questions, maybe I wouldn't have had to take medication that didn't even do anything for me. I took the medication because my doctor told me to. Since he had told me that it was Crohn's Disease, I was worried that it would get worse someday. Along with school and everything else in my life, I really could have done without the stress that all of this caused me. Everything happens for a reason and, no matter how bad, can eventually lead to something good, though, so I guess that all of this had to happen for me to end up with my great new gastroenterologist.

Some people do everything that their doctor tells them to do without a second thought. Some people don't educate themselves enough about their health condition or ask enough questions. I learned about IBD and asked questions. I really thought about the medications that I was taking and looked at other forms of treatment as well. We need to listen to our doctors because they are highly educated in their medical field, but we also have to remember that this is our body that they are treating, so we need to know what's going on. We need to learn about our health conditions. We need to learn about our medication. We need to learn about other treatments available. We need to talk to our doctors, ask them questions, tell them our concerns. We need to discuss everything with them and not hide anything from them when it comes to our health. We need to be smart patients because sometimes, like in my case, doctors aren't always right about everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Listen to your doctor, but at the same time, understand what's going on and work with them to come up with a plan that works and  that you and your doctor both agree on and think is best for you. Tell them your concerns and don't be scared of them. If you feel that they are not the best doctor for you, that they aren't really listening to you or that they just say and do things and don't really evaluate the situation enough, then look into finding a better doctor. Don't just be a patient, be a smart patient. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.

Take care,
Kay

The Vile Snake Will Always Sting You

Do you ever have those moments where you're so frustrated or angry that you don't feel like laughing or smiling? Or maybe you feel that it isn't right for you to laugh or smile because you're so frustrated or angry? I get like that sometimes. Something frustrates me or someone makes me angry and it doesn't matter what someone does to try and cheer me up. It doesn't matter what funny things I see or what things I do that normally make me happy. I feel like I just have to be alone because being around people will just irritate me even more.

I wrote this as I was going through one of those times. Writing this actually helped me cool down and clear my mind. Writing this was my alone time. My family (parents, brother, and pet) were either in the living room eating supper and watching shows on Netflix or doing things together around the house. I decided to eat something later and instead lock myself in my bedroom and have some alone time, writing this post and researching blog-related subjects. I realized why parents send their kids to their bedroom when their kids have temper tantrums. Being alone has a soothing affect on the body and mind.

While writing this post, I thought, "Could there be a poem somewhere that I could relate to right now?" I often go searching through literature in order to find helpful and healing words. Of course, I was able to find a poem about anger. Charles Lamb's poem "Anger" had the perfect thoughts on anger. The poem starts off "Anger in its time and place/ May assume a kind of grace./ It must have some reason in it,/ And not last beyond a minute./ If to further lengths it go,/ It does into malice grow." Lamb is basically saying that it is okay to be angry as long as there is reason behind it and as long as it doesn't last. In other words, don't dwell on anger and let it consume you. He goes on to compare anger to a bee and a snake. A single bee will sting you once but never again after that (because it loses its stinger). This comparison is the anger that has a reason and doesn't last long. A snake, however, can bite you again and again and each time will hurt, as Lamb describes in the last line: "The vile snake will always sting you." This comparison is the anger that lasts too long, it continues to hurt you.

We must control our anger and not let it control us because the anger will just hurt us. Anger, used at the right time and for the right reason, can sometimes be beneficial. It is important to remember these things and to realize when we are letting anger control us.

Here's to learning when to stop for a moment and reflect on our feelings!

Cheers,
Kay

On Being An Introvert

I have known for a while now that I am an introvert. The thing is, though, there are many different types of introverts and some people don't realize that. I remember talking about books with someone in a library and, for some reason, I mentioned that I'm an introvert. The person said "but you're talking to me," as if being able to talk normally to a complete stranger meant that I am not an introvert. I don't think they really understood that introverts are not all the same. I think they were thinking of the broad description of an introvert: someone who has trouble talking to people or being social, someone who'd rather stay home by themselves, someone who prefers their own company, a very quiet and shy person. This is not the best description of an introvert. There is so much more to introversion!

Yes, I am able to talk to a complete stranger. It's easy for me to start up a conversation. I am actually pretty good with conversations,with keeping them going and keeping a person's interest. However, I am best with this one-on-one or with small groups. Put me in a large group and I will be the most quiet person there. Maybe I know the answer to a question or maybe I have something that I would like to add but I will not say it because it is hard for me to speak with that many people. I get nervous. I remember being called on in class in university to answer a question and panicking. I actually felt like I was shaking, that's how bad it can be for me. Many introverts are like this. Many introverts are able to speak to one person or maybe even a few people but it is in big groups that their introversion starts to show. When talking to a stranger, they would never suspect that I was an introvert unless I actually told them and, as seen in the conversation with that person in the library, they might not even believe me. To them I would seem to be a bubbly and friendly person who has a lot to say.

My introversion shows up in other parts of my life. I do indeed like to have my alone time, just as many introverts do, and a lot of social activity can tire me out. I prefer to spend time with just one friend or maybe a few friends. If I'm with a bigger group of friends, I'm more quiet and I tend to just speak to one or two people anyway in our own conversation. I feel more comfortable with less people. I'd rather have a few good friends than a lot of friends that I don't know so well. Getting to know a friend really well is important to me.

I actually took a personalities quiz online through 16Personalities (it's free unless you want more information in which case you have to pay for premium but the free version actually provides quite a bit of information). My result was INFJ "The Advocate." The "I" is the introvert trait, the "NF" is the diplomat trait, and the "J" is the judging trait. People with INFJ personalities are leaders and they enjoy helping people. They are creative and imaginative. They believe in equality. They are good at making connections with people and can actually be mistaken as quiet extroverts. The list goes on and on and it just sounds more and more like me. My result, along with the large list of personalities, shows that there are many types of introverts, just as there are many types of extroverts. Take the quiz for yourself and then look through the list to see just how many different types of personalities there are. It will definitely help you to better understand people and not to assume that someone is or is not a certain way just because of one little thing that they do.

Cheers,
Kay

My Word For 2016

Just like choosing New Year's resolutions, many people will suggest coming up with a word for the New Year. A word that you will take with you wherever you go. A word that you will keep in your back pocket for those times when you face a challenge. A word that will serve you and help you to accomplish your goals. A word that speaks to you. A word that you need in your life.

I decided to choose a word for 2016. I knew that I needed a strong word to guide me. I have so many plans for this year and I'm not really sure where to begin, or even how. I sometimes have trouble starting things, going after what I want. I needed a word that would give me confidence, determination, and strength. A word that would help me in my goals, but also in the challenges that I face. For 2016, I chose the word BRAVE.

To me, BRAVE means doing things even when they scare me. For me, the word BRAVE reminds me of other words like COURAGE, CONFIDENT, STRONG, ACTION, LEARN, and GROW. The word BRAVE tells me that it's okay to be afraid, but you just can't let that fear stop you. You need to gather up your courage and do or be whatever your heart desires. Through fear, we can be brave, and by being brave, we can grow and become stronger.

Blogging again is one way in which I am being brave. As I explained before, blogging scared me. My perfectionism and lack of knowledge of web design prevented me from posting here on my blog for a long time. I was scared to talk about certain things. I was scared to put myself out there. I was scared that I wasn't good enough. But I decided to start blogging again. I wanted to start blogging again, and so I did. I started talking about the things that I felt needed to be said. I put myself out there and I loved it. It helped me think about things that were bothering me. It helped me think things through, break things down, and learn.

This is just the beginning. I still have the whole year ahead of me and I have so many things that I want to do, many of which scare me. Many of which I could have started a while ago but didn't because fear was holding me back. I'm excited. I feel strong and motivated. I'm going to go and do things and make things happen. That's what BRAVE will do for me. It will guide me and remind me that, to do the things that scare me, I just need to be brave.

Cheers,
Kay