Finding Inner Peace Before Outer Peace

During the time that I've spent facing my personal challenges and figuring out how to deal with them, I came to a realization about peace. It came to me as a question: How can I want the world to be at peace if I'm not even at peace with myself? Seeing all of the bad things that have been happening in the world within  the past few years (and even longer than that), I have wondered what it's going to take for the world to be peaceful. Of course, you can hope for peace or you can create it, one little step at a time. However, you need to find inner peace first. How can you speak of peace if you haven't even found peace within you? If you haven't learned to control your own challenges? If you are going through tough times? Maybe spreading peace in the world will help you with your inner peace but shouldn't you focus on your inner peace before outer peace? Shouldn't you find peace within yourself? Shouldn't you learn to be at peace with yourself? Shouldn't you create peace within yourself?

Sure, you can smile and pretend that everything is okay while you try to spread peace and help other people but all that you'll be doing is wearing a mask if you don't address what you're going through and do something about it. Wouldn't you like to be at peace before you start spreading peace? It's just like that idea of self-love: How can you love other people if you don't even love yourself? By finding inner peace, we learn how to be peaceful and I think that's the first step to making the world peaceful. Be a peaceful person. Show peace. Feel peace. Be peace. Then you can create peace outside of yourself.

Now, I admit that I still have some work to do on myself. I want peace in the world but I am still in the process of finding peace within myself. Writing this post, I felt like maybe I am not qualified to write it since I am still in the process of doing exactly what I say should be done. But then again, I need to write this to get these ideas out and start acting on them. I need to address the fact that I am still working on finding inner peace so that I can begin to find inner peace. And then I can work on taking steps to do my part in making the world a more peaceful place.

My problem is that I bottle up a lot. I bottle up emotions, thoughts, worries, and fear. I bottle them up until I finally just break down. My mind is not always at peace. It's a crazy storm that just keeps going, as well as growing bigger. It makes it hard to concentrate. It makes it hard to relax. If I address what I'm feeling and learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, then I'll be able to focus on other things. I could try to focus on other things but it would only be temporary. My restless mind will just be there waiting for me to get back after the distraction.

People find peace in various ways. Meditation, yoga, belief systems, art, and music are just some of the ways that people relax and deal with whatever life throws at them. Our mind can be both our best friend and our greatest enemy. It can pick us up or it can throw us down. We need to learn how to control it. We need to use it to our advantage. We need to use it to make ourselves better people and make the world a better place. We need to remember to keep working on it and then, someday, we will feel enough inner peace to be able to spread our peace further out into the world.

Wishing you peace,
Kay

A Place To Go During Meditation

You may have listened to recorded meditations that suggested imagining a place in which you could meditate. Maybe it even walked you through a visualization in which you were told to imagine a certain setting, certain sounds, certain weather, etc. In this case, you already know what I'm talking about when I say that it can be very beneficial to imagine yourself meditating in a relaxing setting completely different from the one that you're in. Maybe this is just an entirely new concept to you. That's fine too.

If I were to choose a place to imagine myself meditating in, I would choose the lounge of Killarney View House, a bed and breakfast in Killarney, Ireland. You may remember that I have mentioned the peat-fed fire at Killarney View House before. My family and I stayed in this bed and breakfast for a few nights while we were in Killarney and the rooms were fine but what impressed me the most were the public spaces in the building like the entrance with the front desk and a table with flowers, the breakfast dining room, and the front porch. It was even fun just to walk down the nice hallways. The lounge, however, was my favourite place there.

There were couches, tables, and pretty decor. There was a door that led out onto the front porch but it was too wet to go out and sit there during our stay. The large windows looked out over the river and there were drinks like coffee, tea, and hot chocolate available along with yummy cookies. In the evening, the staff would light the fireplace and feed it with peat, dried bricks of interesting soil that are well-known in Ireland.

I didn't take any photos of the room at night but let me just tell you that it was cozy and magical. I loved spending time there in the evenings. If I ever go back to Killarney, Ireland, I would definitely stay at Killarney View House just because of the lounge.

I didn't actually meditate in the lounge while I was there but that doesn't mean that I can't imagine myself meditating there! It was such a beautiful and relaxing place and I always think back to it with fondness and remembrance. When imagining yourself meditating somewhere, it doesn't actually have to be a place where you have been or seen before. It can be a place completely created from your imagination. Whether it exists in real life or in your imagination, it is important to not only imagine what it looks like but to also engage all of your senses when thinking of it. What sounds are there? What smells are there? What do you feel around you? Make it real in your mind and enjoy a blissful meditation!

Where do you go in your mind when you meditate? Or do you just choose to stay where you are?

Cheers,

Kay

Hopping On The Colouring Book Bandwagon

Like so many people, I have bought a few adult colouring books. Yes, I have been swept up into the adult colouring book fad. Colouring is a way of relaxing and de-stressing. In my mind, it's a form of meditation since you are focusing and concentrating on something and relaxing. However, it wasn't so easy for me to start. I know what you might be thinking: "But it's just colouring! Kids do it! It's so simple! Just colour the picture! That's all there is to it!" You're right. But for me, I wanted to use it to relax, de-stress, and meditate and that's what made it difficult for me.

I used to be a major perfectionist. I'm not as bad now but that perfectionist tendency is still there within me. When I'm colouring something or making any kind of art or craft, the perfectionist in me peeks out through my eyes and makes it a bit hard for me to do my work without worrying about the way that it looks. I actually kind of like it, though, because it often helps me make my arts and crafts look better. When I'm colouring, however, I want to relax and not necessarily worry so much about the way that it looks so I'd rather push the perfectionist aside and tell them to just shut up. I decided to start doing that and to just treat colouring as an experiment with colour and different colouring techniques. It isn't a place for me to be perfect, it's a place for me to just try things out that maybe I can use when I make my own drawings. I can worry about making my own drawings or paintings perfect but colouring will be a place to just have fun and practice.

Another thing that makes colouring a bit difficult for me is the fact that I sometimes (or maybe more often than sometimes) have trouble concentrating on things for long amounts of time. So trying to colour a picture became very stressful for me because I would get to a point where I wanted to move on to something else. I have since learned to simply try to relax while colouring and then move on to something else if I want to or if I start getting too stressed out.

A more minor reason for why I have trouble relaxing while colouring is the fact that I press hard when I write or colour with a pencil. I need to learn to just loosen up and relax my hand. This isn't as big a problem as my previous two but it still prevents me from relaxing while colouring so it's something that I just have to work on.

Colouring can be a really great tool for relaxing and, for me, it has been a lesson in life. It has taught me to face my challenges and try to solve them. It has taught me to approach things differently according to the way that I am. Most of all, it is teaching me not to take things too seriously all of the time and to just have fun.

Cheers,
Kay

My Box Of Places That I Want To Go To

In the movie Eat, Pray, Love, Liz's friend is going to have a baby and shows Liz a box of baby things that she has been keeping under the bed. She has been wanting a baby for a while so this was her way of hoping and preparing for one. Liz states that she also has a box under her bed, but that hers is filled with things for the places that she wants to travel to. It's a bit different in the book: Liz's friend still has a box of baby things but Liz describes the excitement she had when the magazine that she worked for told her that they were going to send her on a writing assignment to New Zealand. For this post, the movie's version of the scene is the one that's important.

I watched the movie a few years ago and that scene is one that I always remember. The box of travel things is basically like a vision board, except for the fact that you should be able to actually see your vision board all the time. I have many places that I want to travel to, so I thought that it would be fun to make my own box of places that I want to go to. I decided to just find a box that I had that was big enough and fill it with free travel brochures, travel guides, travel booklets, travel magazines, travel maps, etc. that I could order online. As each of these arrive at my house, I place them in the box.

I now have something that I can physically take out and look at. I can peruse the information and learn more about the places that I want to travel to someday. When I'm thinking of where I want to go next, I have all sorts of options already waiting for me and I have information already at my fingertips to start planning the trips. So far, I have travel material for Newfoundland, Alaska, New Orleans, Hawaii, California, New York State, and Austria. There are many other places that I want to travel to so I'm still working on adding all of them to my box.

This activity can be done for anything that you want to do in the future (just like Liz's friend's box was for the baby that she wanted to have). The possibilities for this activity are endless! Choose a box that you like whether it is a box that you already have or a box that you buy, and fill it with things that have to do with whatever it is that you want or want to do in the future. I recommend putting your box somewhere where you will see it all of the time and make sure to open it up and look through it often to remind you of what it is that you want.

Cheers,
Kay

Tea Meditation

A tea meditation is a nice meditation to do in the morning or evening when you're drinking a cup of tea. You basically use all of your senses to experience and enjoy your tea. By using all of your senses as you drink the tea and paying attention to them, you stay in the present moment. If thoughts come, just let them float on by and bring your attention back to the tea. Here we go!

Tea Meditation:
Pour yourself a cup of tea. Pick a flavour that you really like and use your favourite mug or tea cup. Smell the tea and take deep breaths of the steam coming from the hot liquid. Feel the warmth of the cup on your hands. Look at the colour and the stillness of the liquid. Take a drink and listen to the sound as you sip the tea. Keep the tea in your mouth for a moment in order to experience the unique flavour. Feel the warmth of the tea in your mouth and as it runs down your throat. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the tea that you are drinking and think of the healing aspects of tea. Imagine the tea spreading to all areas of your body, warming it and healing it. Repeat these steps as you drink the rest of your tea.

Cheers,
Kay

My Go-To Feel Good Movies

Everyone has movies that they watch again and again and again. Because they love them. Because they never get tired of them. Because they make them feel good. I have a list of movies that I turn to when I need to feel better on a bad day. When I need some inspiration. When I need to watch something that makes me see that the world isn't such a bad place all because these movies exist. I just turn on one of my feel good movies and sit back and relax.

Maybe your list is different from mine. Maybe you like different genres, different stories, different characters. The movies I like are strange, interesting, unique, funny, happy, bright, and lovely. They let me live a different life for just a little while and that is a wonderful wonderful thing. Here is my list along with short descriptions of each film. Enjoy!

• Moonrise Kingdom: A young orphan at a scouting camp falls in a love with his pen pal and they run away together.

Why I love it: It is fun and silly. It takes place in 1965 so you get a lot of vintage goodness and the story shows a beautiful story of young love.

• Brave: A Scottish princess is being forced by her mother to be engaged and married but she is strong and wants to be in control of her own life.

Why I love it: I'm a feminist and I don't think that I'll ever get married so I can really relate to this character. Also, I just love her! She wants to take control of her own life and do what she wants, even if other people don't think that she should.

• Splinterheads: A young man doesn't know what to do with his life until he falls in love with a splinterhead from a travelling carnival who loves geocaching and adventures.

Why I love it: I'm a geocacher so it's nice to see an awesome movie that has geocaching in it. The story is fun and it's just a really different movie with interesting characters.

• Practical Magic: Witches. Magic. Romance. What more can I say?

Why I love it: This movie has awesome locations, especially the house! I love magic and the story focuses on women solving a big problem, so it's great!

• Somewhere in Time: A man falls in love with a beautiful actress from the past so he travels back in time to meet her.

Why I love it: A sweet romantic story with time travelling is always interesting. Also, it was filmed at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island in Michigan, where I actually stayed once (the photo at the top of this post is from the room that we stayed in).

• Tuck Everlasting: A young girl falls in love with the youngest son of an immortal family.

Why I love it: It takes place in the early 1900s and addresses the question of whether someone would want to live forever if given the chance. I have read the book and there are some big differences but I still like both the book and the movie.

• The Rocky Horror Picture Show: A newly engaged couple have car troubles but they find a mysterious mansion filled with strange people not knowing that the craziest things are about to happen.

Why I love it: It is a fun and crazy musical with amazing characters.

Cheers,

Kay

An Improvement Over The Present

We often find ourselves thinking about the past, of those beautiful memories that we have stored away or of times before our own that seemed so much better than certain moments of this life that we are living now. Other times, we find ourselves thinking about the future, about what we're going to do tomorrow or in a few days or months or years, of how much better it will be. We think of these times rather than the present, the moment that we are living right now. These days, months, years that will pass by which we will someday wish would return.

One of my favourite poems, "Nostalgia" by Billy Collins, deals with these ideas. He asks us to think of various eras and of all of the wonderful things during those times. He speaks of these eras as though he has lived through them. He goes on like this until he gets closer to the end of the poem and moves onto remembering his own past. He says "or at least let me/ recapture the serenity of last month when we picked/ berries and glided through afternoons in a canoe" and he also states that "Even this morning would be an improvement over the present." At the end of the poem, he describes how he was thinking about the past and how he was even thinking about the future as well. This poem is about how we reminisce about the past and we imagine the future instead of being here and now in the present moment.

I often find myself reminiscing about the past or dwelling on bad experiences from the past. I even think about what it was like during the different eras before I was even born. I also find myself planning for the future and imagining what it might be like. Both things are nice and we should remember the past since we can learn from it as well as plan for the future because planning is important but we must remember that we are living right now so we should enjoy it. Each moment that we live slips away so quickly and before you know it, several days, months, years, or decades have passed and you wonder where the time went. For me, high school and my university undergrad went by so quickly. I still can't believe that I finished high school four years ago. It doesn't feel like it has been that long. I also can't believe that I have my Bachelor of Arts degree. I still remember when I was in my first year of university and I knew a young woman in her third year and I felt so young compared to her. Now I'm done university and I feel so much older than all of those kids who are currently working on their undergrad (the ones who are actually younger than me, of course, I realize that someone older than me could be working on their undergrad right now).

It can be difficult to stay in the present if you're like me and your mind is like a person rushing through a library grabbing book after book off of the shelves. My thoughts often jump from one thing to the next, so much that I need to remind myself to write down good ideas that I come up with before I forget them. My imagination can be pretty crazy too although I am definitely grateful for having a wild imagination. I try to just look around me sometimes, noticing what is happening around me right now. I try to meditate as well, focusing on my breath and not dwelling on thoughts, however, that is proving to be more and more difficult. I guess I just have some improving to do.

Cheers,
Kay

Cineplex's Lily & the Snowman

The last time I went to the movie theatre with my family, there was a segment during the previews about the making of Cineplex's Lily & the Snowman, an animated short film that can be viewed for free on the Cineplex website. The makers talked about working on various aspects of the short film like the animation, the music, etc. I was instantly intrigued. I also saw an advertisement for the short film in the Cineplex magazine, a free magazine that you can get at Cineplex theatres. The full page advertisement looked like a movie poster with the title at the top, an image for the film in the center, and a sentence at the bottom of the page reading "Don't let the world get in the way of what you love." I loved the simple image and inspiring phrase on this page so I cut the advertisement out of the magazine once I got home. I planned to watch the short film. After all, it was a short film so it wouldn't take very long and it looked interesting.

It actually took me quite a while to finally visit the Lily & the Snowman page on the Cineplex website and finally watch the short film. When I did finally watch it, however, I was touched. It is such a heartwarming film and I almost cried at the end. This charming animated short follows the life of a young girl as she builds a snowman who comes to life and creates shadow puppet shows on the fence in her backyard, very much like little films. The little girl is fascinated and excited by these shows and she enjoys them every winter as she grows up. For her, they are a sense of wonder! Over time, however, life gets in the way and pulls Lily and the snowman apart. This friend and these shows were something that Lily enjoyed and yet she lets herself fall into the habit of following a repetitive road of everyday life. What happens in the end? Well, you'll just have to watch it to find out!

This little film made me think of my own interests and passions. There are so many that I enjoy that have been pushed to the side for far too long. I'd love to start practicing piano and flute again. I'd love to draw and paint more. I'd love to start writing more. The problem with me, however, is that my interests get pushed to the side because I have trouble concentrating and I'm beginning to think more and more that my having trouble concentrating is actually more of a problem than I previously thought. I might start working on something only to put it aside for a while or sometimes a very long time because I just can't concentrate on it for very long. Sometimes I have trouble even getting started on it. I even have trouble writing blog posts sometimes because of all of this. That's one of the differences between Lily and I. Her life is what gets in the way of what she loves whereas for me it's the fact that I have trouble concentrating that gets in the way. I can still take away the lesson from the film to help me in my own life, though. I'm determined to try harder to concentrate on my interests and to find ways to help me concentrate. I'm determined not to let my concentration problem get in the way of what I love.

I ended up watching this short film several times which was easy to do since it is only a little over two minutes long. I also watched the video about the making of Lily & the Snowman which I had seen before and can also be found on the same page. The song "Follow You Follow Me" by VAPOR feat. Adaline (originally by Genesis) is lovely and definitely works well in the film which has no dialogue. The music adds to the emotion needed for the film as well as spreading the message. And the message is a good one!

Cheers,
Kay

The Road Not Taken

Lately, I've been thinking about all of the things that I want to do. Things that I want to do now. Things that I want to do in the future. What I want to do with my life. That actually brings up something that I've been working on: figuring out what I want to do with my life. What direction do I want to go in? Which path, or road, do I want to take? Maybe I should just pave my own road?

This always makes me think of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, a poem that most people know. The last few lines of the poem are surely the most well known: "Two roads diverged in a wood and I,-/ I took the one less traveled by,/ And that has made all the difference." As a person, I am very... different. I was going to say weird but I'll just go with "different." I have known for a long time that I am going to travel down a different road from other people. I want to take the road less traveled. I'm fine with doing that. I'm not afraid. I just don't know what kind of road it is. I'm still figuring it out. I'm still figuring out my life. And that's okay. I'm young. I have my whole life ahead of me. I still have so much time. I still have so many options to explore. Sometimes it feels like there is so much pressure to figure out our whole lives when we are young but that's just way too difficult. We need more time. We need more experiences. We need to explore more of life.

I create my life. People can influence it, but I ultimately create it. I choose what I want my life to be. I can choose to decide now or I can choose to take my time. Some people decide quickly and others take more time. And that's okay. Some people know deep down what they want to do with their lives and others need to explore. I have so many things that I love to do and I'm trying to explore them and figure out how to fit all of them in my life. Which things will I turn into my career? Which things will I turn into my passions? Which things will I turn into my hobbies for when I just want to relax a bit?

Whatever I choose, I can indeed choose to travel down the road less traveled. I can even pave that road, therefore making myself the first person to travel down that road. I can create that road and see where it leads me. Maybe others will be willing to come along with me or at least encourage me along the way. Some people may wonder where I'm going or some may see exactly where I'm headed, because they too know what it's like to travel down these kinds of roads. No matter what, I don't think that anything is set in stone. Roads can change. But I shouldn't worry about that yet. I still have to figure out in which direction I'm going so that I can find my road, or find out where I'm going to build it.

Cheers,
Kay

Another Goal for 2016: Productivity

So I missed another day of publishing a blog post. This time was different from last time, though. This time, I got so caught up in doing something else that I forgot to write a blog post. I have decided not to be too hard on myself, however, because I usually have trouble concentrating on things for a long time. I was working my way through this week's modules for a free online course about musical notation. Things like this (learning courses) are the types of things that I normally have trouble concentrating on but I was actually able to concentrate on it for a while so I'm happy about that.

I guess this blog is my place to talk about things like that, how I have trouble concentrating and how I try to keep up with things. There are all sorts of challenges in my life that I am trying to work my way through. I'm trying to improve. I'm trying to become better at working on things. I'm trying to become better at concentrating on things. I'm trying to continue to learn more about the subjects that interest me. Winter is the perfect time when I'm stuck inside a lot. Once spring and summer come along, I'm going to want to spend more time outside. I've thought about bringing my hobbies outside with me during the warmer months. I could bring whatever I'm working on whether it be art, writing, studying, reading, etc. Maybe I'll bring them with me to our swing in our little garden area that we have dubbed our zen garden. Or maybe I'll bring them with me to the table on our front porch or to the lawn chairs beside our pool. Maybe working outside will give me a boost when it comes to productivity since it will be a change of environment.

I find that a change of environment helps with concentration. At home, I often get bored of the room that I'm working in and want to move my work elsewhere. Working in new places like various libraries has shown to help me work. I'll be in a different location and suddenly I get a lot of work done. Accomplishment makes me happy. I get a burst of pure joy when I'm able to tick something off of my to do list, especially since I procrastinate on a lot of the things on my to do lists. I write so many lists and most of the things won't get done for days, maybe even never.

Well, here's to being more productive. Another goal for this year.

Cheers,
Kay

Life Lessons That I Learned From University

Last week I shared a list of the life lessons that I learned from being a piano teacher. It got me thinking about life lessons that I have learned from other experiences in my life, like university. Maybe this will become a bit of a new blog post series on my blog. I probably won't write these blog posts a whole lot but maybe once in a while. We'll see. They'll all be found under the 'Life Lessons' label. Anyway, back to my university experience. If you have read my 'About' page, then you know that I graduated from Laurentian University in June 2015 with a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and a minor in French (as a second language). I therefore also have my bilingualism certificate for French as a second language. Now, looking back at my experience of doing a four year undergraduate degree in university, especially a Bachelor of Arts, I didn't just learn about the subjects that I was studying. I also learned a lot about life and myself. In the following list, I share what I learned.

1) Question everything: Don't understand something? Ask a question. Get answers. Don't like something or believe something or just have a different opinion? Question it. Challenge it. Let your voice be heard.

2) Think for yourself, you're allowed to have an opinion: This is connected to the life lesson above about questioning everything. You are allowed to think differently. You are allowed to have an opinion. You are allowed to be a free thinker. Open up your mind.

3) We have to figure out for ourselves how we learn best: I learned that classroom learning isn't the best option for me since I am a visual learner (as well as a bit of a kinesthetic learner) rather than an auditory learner. I learn better on my own and through online courses. Everyone is different. You just have to figure out how you learn best and use that to help you in future learning.

4) We are always learning: We start learning from the time that we are born and then for the rest of our lives. There is so much to learn, the world is so big, and we experience so many things. Even if you aren't in school, you still continue to learn and that's a beautiful thing.

5) The world is an amazing and crazy place: University is great for showing us how to look at the world differently. Trust me, you'll never see it the same way ever again.

University is definitely an incredible experience! It opens up your mind to new ideas and prepares you to go out into the world and make your own choices about how you want to live your life and how you want to think.

Cheers,
Kay

Fireplace Videos To Keep You Warm Until Spring

Woah. I didn't post anything yesterday. And it was a week day. And I usually post every week day. So weird. I have been noticing lately that winter is getting to me. This always happens every year. Living in Northern Ontario, I usually start feeling a bit down around the middle of winter. I have more trouble concentrating than usual and don't feel as motivated to do things. I start dreaming of Spring and Summer. I wish that it was still Fall so that I could go outside and do things in weather that isn't too hot or too cold. I have to force myself to push through and get things done. I look for inspiration. I look for things to help me like music and meditation. I find things that make me happy and make me feel good. One of these things is fireplace videos.

My dad loves fireplace videos, although he always prefers enjoying a real fire, like the one in our woodstove at our camp or the peat-fed fire in the lounge at the Killarney View House in Killarney, Ireland (pictured above). That being said, I have found some great fireplace videos for the times when we don't have a real fire to enjoy and I hope you enjoy them too! Fireplaces are so relaxing and fireplace videos are an easy way to bring that form of relaxation into your home. I chose fireplace videos that aren't Christmas-y so that you can enjoy them all year (that means no Christmas music and no Christmas decorations), although I even enjoy the Christmas fireplaces at other times during the year as long as they only have Christmas decorations and don't have any Christmas music. Without further ado, here's my list! I have included the links to my favourites!

• 3 Hour Fireplace Video by MoneySavingVideos: This is one of my dad's favourite fireplace videos. It has the sounds of the crackling fire and, at one point in the video, you can hear a train in the distance. It even has someone stoking the fire once in a while! This will definitely make you feel like you are really there!

• Campfire by the River by TheSilentWatcher: Many fireplace videos are basically the same so it's nice to find fireplace videos that are different like this one! This video has a campfire by a river with a tree overlooking the river. There are also bird sounds. Campfire + beautiful landscape + nature sounds = feels like you're camping.

• Fireplace Videos by SPACEStv: SPACEStv has various fireplace videos using different kinds of fireplaces! These have no music and simply have the relaxing crackling sound of the fire. They all say yule log but they aren't all Christmas-y. Check out this great list!

These are just a few fireplace videos out there but they're pretty great! Let them warm up your winter and help you push through until Spring arrives!

Cheers,

Kay

I Shall Have Some Peace There

My family owns a camp, a little cabin in the bush (woods) with a small wood-stove. It is like a second home. When we started using it again regularly this year, two years had passed since we had last visited it. I checked my journal and found out that the last time that we were there was September 22nd, 2013 and we had arrived on September 21st and stayed there overnight. The day that we finally visited again was September 21st, 2015, the day which, two years ago, had been the last night that we would spend there for a while. Of course, some of our relatives who also partly own the camp may have visited it during that time, but it didn't look like it had been used very much.

We have been trying to use it more now. It feels good to go back there, where it is quiet and relaxing. Where we are surrounded by nature. Where there are less distractions. Where we are away from society, away from civilization. I could go on and on but the point is, it's peaceful there. When I am there, I am surrounded by nature and I am also surrounded by my family since we go there together.

I also find that it is easier for me to concentrate on various activities like reading books and working on various projects. I like writing there and working on crafts like my loom knitting. There are so many distractions at my family's house and there are just so many things to be done there. At our camp, however, life is simple. There aren't a million things to do, only a few. That leaves time for working on other things. The quiet of the bush and the warmth of the wood-stove provide a great atmosphere. We sit quietly and read or work on whatever we like. In the mornings, we meditate, and on Saturday evening, we listen to Randy Bachman's Vinyl Tap on CBC Radio, a radio show where Randy Bachman shares songs that fall under a theme (a different theme is chosen for each show) and shares stories from his experience as a musician and his experiences meeting various other musicians.

Of course, many experiences of mine remind me of songs or literature and my experiences of staying at my camp are no different. In William Butler Yeats' poem, "The Lake Isle Of Innisfree," he talks about going to Innisfree and he describes Innisfree and describes what he will do there. At one point in the poem, he says, "I shall have some peace there." For Yeats, Innisfree is where he finds peace. For me, my family's camp is where I find peace.

Cheers,
Kay

Life Lessons That I Learned From Being A Piano Teacher

I was a piano teacher for three years while I was in university. I had enough knowledge of playing piano so my own piano teacher hired me to work as a piano teacher in his piano teaching business, as he often did with other students. It was amazing for me to teach piano because I never really thought of myself becoming a piano teacher. I learned how to play the piano just for fun so it was awesome to actually see something come out of that education, all of those years of piano lessons. It was also amazing for me to teach piano because I learned a lot. Sometimes teaching was a breeze and other times it was more difficult depending on the students. Now that I am no longer teaching piano, I thought that I'd make a list of the life lessons that I learned from teaching piano.

1) Everyone is different in personality and the way that they learn: It is important to remember this and understand it. Understand different personality types and learning types. Get to know them or at least be accepting of them. You never know who you might meet in the world. Be prepared to do things a little differently when meeting various people in order to get to know them or at least have a nice conversation with them.

2) Put yourself in other people's shoes: This is connected to the lesson about how everyone is different. When speaking to someone and teaching someone, put yourself in their shoes. They might not understand what you're saying or teaching so accept and understand this. Once you do this, you can figure out a different approach to the subject.

3) Be open to learning new things: Some people might think that a teacher knows everything about what they teach but the truth is that they do not. They simply know a lot about it, so much that they are able to teach it. There is so much information about everything in the world that it would be hard to actually learn everything about a subject. So, even teachers still need to learn more about what they're teaching, as well as about how to teach. Students ask questions and sometimes we don't have the answers so that can be a great excuse to continue learning. Everyone should continue learning new things, whether or not you're a teacher.

4) Be enthusiastic about what you love: Whatever it is that you love, whether it be a hobby or a job, be enthusiastic about it! Show people that you love it! If you show enthusiasm for whatever it is that you love, then other people might be interested in it too.

5) Some people learn things just for fun: Even though I always learned piano just for fun, I had to remind myself that others do too, especially kids. As a piano teacher, I felt that my students needed to learn everything right now and that they needed to do it correctly in order to move on. It frustrated me when students didn't remember things that I had told them several times before or when they kept making the same mistakes over and over again. I had to realize that most of them will never become piano teachers or concert pianists. In fact, some students might not even continue piano lessons after one or several years. This doesn't mean that they don't want to learn, however, so we must let them and help them. In life, we have to accept that some people just like learning for fun and they might ask us questions about some of our hobbies or jobs and we should feed their curiosity because it is still important to learn, even if it's just for curiosity's sake.

We learn from all sorts of experiences and I definitely learned from my experience as a piano teacher!

Cheers,
Kay

Geronimo's Rescue Story

One year ago today, my brother and I rescued a rabbit. He was the size of my hand, approximately 2 months old, and he was out in -18 degrees Celsius winter weather. We were at our grandma's house and knew about the rabbits in her neighbourhood. Someone had let some domestic rabbits outside and they had bred over the years. There are many rabbits there now of various breeds. The rabbit that we rescued was one of them, possibly part lionhead. We knew that it was too cold outside for a rabbit his age so my brother and I went outside with a towel after we saw him hopping around in our grandma's driveway. By the time we got outside, he was hopping along the road. We followed him to try and catch him in the towel but he kept hopping away from us. We finally chased him against a snowbank and he was unable to climb it so we threw the towel over him and brought him inside. We found a small pet carrier in the garage and set it up for him with a towel and water. His eyes were closed and he hid under the towel most of the time, obviously quite scared.

I texted our parents, who were working, and told them what had happened. I still remember the text that my Dad sent back: "You can't keep him." We waited until our parents got home from work and by that time the rabbit had still not opened his eyes. In fact, it appeared that his eyes were stuck shut or that he might not have any eyes at all since all we could see was skin and fur where his eyes should be. Since we had found him outside and didn't know what else to do by the time we arrived in our own part of the city in the evening, we brought him to a wildlife refuge centre. They took him in even though he was not a wild rabbit and they nursed him back to health. It turned out that he was dehydrated and, once they took care of that, his eyes opened and they had to clean them out since there was guck in them. The wildlife refuge centre said that they would have to find a home for him since he was a domestic rabbit and we instantly offered him a home with our own family. 

We named him Geronimo because we're big fans of Doctor Who and that was a sort of catchphrase for the Eleventh Doctor. We call him Gerry for short. He has grown into a healthy rabbit, other than not having the best eyesight which is probably due to the state that his eyes were in when we found him. He has such an adorable personality and he is really good for an unneutered male rabbit, although we still plan on having him neutered. He and our dog, a golden retriever named Finnlegh, became very good friends. Gerry likes to cuddle with Finny and Finny likes to lick Gerry.

I am so glad that we decided to rescue him and then give him a home. In regards to that text that my Dad sent me, my Mom said that my Dad later stated that he shouldn't have looked at the rabbit because he ended up falling in love with it just as we all had. Geronimo has changed all of our lives. He can be really crazy at times and then funny or super cuddly at other times. He is a major sweetheart and my heart feels good knowing that he is alive today because of my family and I. Rescuing animals is good for the soul, you guys. You rescue them and they rescue you. That's just how it works.

Cheers,

Kay

A Love Letter To My Blog For Its 3rd Anniversary

To my dearest blog,

Tomorrow is your 3rd anniversary, so I want to express how deeply grateful I am for you. When I published my first blog post on February 13, 2013, I didn't know what would become of you. I had hopes of watching you grow very quickly, of spending lots of time with you, of doing great things together. Sadly, I neglected you. I started off posting a few times a week but then I posted less and less often. Large gaps of time stood between each blog post, and I can understand if you were lonely or maybe even afraid of what would happen to you. But I came back. You see, I needed you. I had so much that I needed to say to the world. So much that I needed to share. I knew that you would be the perfect helper.

I took my time giving you a makeover and planning all sorts of posts that I would start sharing. And then? I started blogging again. I shared my feelings. My observations. My thoughts. My stories. My life. It felt so good! I finally had a way to open up my mind and let everything out. You became a dear friend, once again. I could turn to you when I had something to say. In these few weeks since I started blogging again, you have become a sort of therapy for me. I used to bottle everything up until I would explode. Now I can share my experiences and unpack them. I can break them down and figure out what to do about them. I can share all of that here and I hope that it helps some people.

I'm sorry, darling, that I didn't post anything on your 2nd anniversary last year. Do understand that I was thinking of you. I didn't forget you. I just didn't know what to write about anymore. I think you could have helped me, though. I went through a lot of stress last year, trying to figure out who I am and in which direction I wanted to go with my life. I still am. At least I have you now.

So many amazing things have happened in my life and so many sad things have happened too. I'm ready to start sharing my stories with you and the world, well, at least the internet world. I look forward to many more years, dear blog. Many more anniversaries. Many more posts. Many more stories.

Love,
Kay

Some Dance To Remember, Some Dance To Forget

There are certain lyrics from the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles that really resonate with me; "some dance to remember, some dance to forget." Whenever I hear those lyrics, I relate in so many ways. You see, I bottle things up inside of me. I bottle them up and, most often, don't release any of those emotions, whether they be worries, fear, anger, sadness, or the feeling of being overwhelmed that I know oh so well. I get overwhelmed easily, so when I bottle up my feelings and they swirl around in my mind and they don't leave me alone, I feel like I just want to scream, and sometimes I do. When I bottle things up, I hold onto them and I don't let them go.

Now, some people want to remember the past and others want to forget it, just as it says in those lyrics. But the thing is, we cannot and should not follow only one of those choices. There are parts of the past that we should remember. We should obviously remember the good times but we should also remember certain bad times; the ones that we can learn from. I believe that this is one of the most important reasons that history should always be taught in school; we learn from our ancestors. We learn from their accomplishments and their mistakes and we should do the same when looking at our own pasts. Of course, there are certain memories that we need to simply accept and let go of. Forget about them and move on. Take the lessons away from them and leave the rest in the past. This is what I need to do with all of those feelings and bad experiences that I bottle up inside of me; I need to accept that these things happened, learn from them, and then release them from their prison that is my mind. I need to let them go.

It sometimes feels like I'm at war with my own mind, like my mind is partly disconnected from me, but connected just enough so that when I am fighting with it, I still feel like I am fighting myself. This is what it felt like when I was germophobic at an obsessive compulsive level for a few years starting in high school. It really feels like you have no control over your own mind. When it comes to the feelings that I bottle up, it feels like my mind is incapable of letting them go. I even tend to act out how I would react to something that hasn't even happened. These things usually have something to do with events or people that have angered me in some way. Instead of learning from the experience and letting it go, I hold onto them so much that I waste time thinking that those events might repeat themselves or that that person might show up again and that I have to be ready. I become defensive, even though nothing has happened yet and even though I don't even know what is going to happen. What I need to do is stop worrying about it and move on because it is holding me back.

When I dance, I want to remember, accept, learn, and move on. That's a lot of things to do while dancing, but it's worth it if it helps to let go of bottled up emotions. Either I can do that, or I can just enjoy the dance and not really think about anything except for the music and my feet.

Cheers,
Kay

Be A Smart Patient

On January 28th, I had my first appointment with my new gastroenterologist. The first gastroenterologist that I ever had was not for long-term care so my family doctor set me up with a new gastroenterologist but he retired about 2 years later. When he retired, my family doctor set me up with yet another gastroenterologist. It took me a while to finally get an appointment since it was rescheduled twice, but it was worth it. She's amazing. I wasn't sure if I should be excited or nervous but everything turned out okay. In fact, it was better than I could have ever imagined.

I told her my whole history with intestinal disease. I first started having symptoms of blood in the stool around December 2011 but there was never any pain. My first colonoscopy in July 2012 showed inflammation and ulcers in the end of my large intestine and I was diagnosed with proctitis. I was prescribed cortifoam and then suppositories but the blood came back after I finished those medications and I was then sent to another gastroenterologist. This new one sent me for another colonoscopy around January or February 2013 which showed that there was now only inflammation in the end of my large intestine but it was all in one spot and I was prescribed enemas. I was also sent for a  CT scan (which was messed up because I was not given correct instructions) and it showed a suggestion of tightening of the end of my small intestine. My gastroenterologist said that that meant it was Crohn's Disease and I was prescribed mesalazine tablets which I had to work up to 8 per day. I continued taking enemas but the thing is that the blood would go away while I was taking enemas or suppositories but it would come back after I stopped the medication. At one point, I decided to try something on my own. I decided to try working with my diet to see if I could figure out a diet that would help me all the time, or at least most of the time. I started with following a low residue diet and then moved onto a pescetarian diet in May 2015. By following a pescetarian diet, I was not getting any blood most of the time, and when I did get blood, it was only a small amount. I also wasn't sure about the mesalazine tablets. I always asked my previous gastroenterologist if they would help the inflammation at the end of my large intestine and he always told me that they didn't really make it that far down. So I was always left thinking "Why am I taking so many of these pills if they won't even help the bleeding?" I just assumed that they were all for my small intestine but I decided to lower the dose myself to 4 per day.

I was afraid that my newest gastroenterologist might be a bit disappointed in me for lowering the dose myself or that she might not be a big believer in trying a pescetarian diet but I had nothing to worry about. She was so nice and she appreciated how much I knew and understood about my situation. She said that my question about the mesalazine tablets in regards to my situation was a very smart question. She also told me about how a test had shown that a pescetarian diet worked better than a normal diet when it came to patients with an intestinal disease. She explained that it's actually a very healthy kind of diet. The one thing that she said that made me the happiest, however, was that, looking at my previous tests and everything that I told her, it looked like I actually did have ulcerative proctitis and not Crohn's Disease. She explained how much better proctitis is than Crohn's and colitis. Proctitis is quite common and it does not put a person at higher risk of colorectal cancer. It can be treated simply with suppositories during a flare-up. She explained that some people have a lot of flare-ups and other people might just get a flare-up once in a while. She told me that I didn't have to take the mesalazine tablets anymore. I was so relieved! For several years, I had worried about my intestines and my health since I had been told that it was Crohn's Disease. I was worried when I decided to lower the dose of medication myself. I was worried that I would get a new gastroenterologist who would just send me for tests and prescribe me medication and wouldn't really listen to me. I needed someone who would listen to my questions and concerns. I needed someone who was okay with me trying things on my own to see what would work for me. In the end, I got the kind of gastroenterologist that I needed and I am so glad that I did!

I went through all of that over the course of five years. I worried and was stressed out over all of this for five years of my life when I didn't even have to be. If my second gastroenterologist had paid more attention to all of the information and he had really listened to my questions, maybe I wouldn't have had to take medication that didn't even do anything for me. I took the medication because my doctor told me to. Since he had told me that it was Crohn's Disease, I was worried that it would get worse someday. Along with school and everything else in my life, I really could have done without the stress that all of this caused me. Everything happens for a reason and, no matter how bad, can eventually lead to something good, though, so I guess that all of this had to happen for me to end up with my great new gastroenterologist.

Some people do everything that their doctor tells them to do without a second thought. Some people don't educate themselves enough about their health condition or ask enough questions. I learned about IBD and asked questions. I really thought about the medications that I was taking and looked at other forms of treatment as well. We need to listen to our doctors because they are highly educated in their medical field, but we also have to remember that this is our body that they are treating, so we need to know what's going on. We need to learn about our health conditions. We need to learn about our medication. We need to learn about other treatments available. We need to talk to our doctors, ask them questions, tell them our concerns. We need to discuss everything with them and not hide anything from them when it comes to our health. We need to be smart patients because sometimes, like in my case, doctors aren't always right about everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Listen to your doctor, but at the same time, understand what's going on and work with them to come up with a plan that works and  that you and your doctor both agree on and think is best for you. Tell them your concerns and don't be scared of them. If you feel that they are not the best doctor for you, that they aren't really listening to you or that they just say and do things and don't really evaluate the situation enough, then look into finding a better doctor. Don't just be a patient, be a smart patient. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.

Take care,
Kay

Gratitude Jar

Last year for Christmas, I put together this little gratitude jar for my family. I had seen the idea on the internet and thought that it was right up our alley. I basically just cleaned out a mason jar, attached some string and a little label that says 'Gratitude Jar,' and filled a little bag with tons of little pieces of colourful paper that I had cut. The whole point of a gratitude jar is to write down the things that you are grateful for on the little pieces of paper and stick them in the jar. At the end of the year, you can empty the jar and look through everything that you or your family was grateful for that year.

In 2015, we used the gratitude jar a little bit but we never filled it up. We kind of forgot about it but I really want to use it this year since I feel like I need it to help remind me of all of the good things in my life.

Cheers,

Kay

The Vile Snake Will Always Sting You

Do you ever have those moments where you're so frustrated or angry that you don't feel like laughing or smiling? Or maybe you feel that it isn't right for you to laugh or smile because you're so frustrated or angry? I get like that sometimes. Something frustrates me or someone makes me angry and it doesn't matter what someone does to try and cheer me up. It doesn't matter what funny things I see or what things I do that normally make me happy. I feel like I just have to be alone because being around people will just irritate me even more.

I wrote this as I was going through one of those times. Writing this actually helped me cool down and clear my mind. Writing this was my alone time. My family (parents, brother, and pet) were either in the living room eating supper and watching shows on Netflix or doing things together around the house. I decided to eat something later and instead lock myself in my bedroom and have some alone time, writing this post and researching blog-related subjects. I realized why parents send their kids to their bedroom when their kids have temper tantrums. Being alone has a soothing affect on the body and mind.

While writing this post, I thought, "Could there be a poem somewhere that I could relate to right now?" I often go searching through literature in order to find helpful and healing words. Of course, I was able to find a poem about anger. Charles Lamb's poem "Anger" had the perfect thoughts on anger. The poem starts off "Anger in its time and place/ May assume a kind of grace./ It must have some reason in it,/ And not last beyond a minute./ If to further lengths it go,/ It does into malice grow." Lamb is basically saying that it is okay to be angry as long as there is reason behind it and as long as it doesn't last. In other words, don't dwell on anger and let it consume you. He goes on to compare anger to a bee and a snake. A single bee will sting you once but never again after that (because it loses its stinger). This comparison is the anger that has a reason and doesn't last long. A snake, however, can bite you again and again and each time will hurt, as Lamb describes in the last line: "The vile snake will always sting you." This comparison is the anger that lasts too long, it continues to hurt you.

We must control our anger and not let it control us because the anger will just hurt us. Anger, used at the right time and for the right reason, can sometimes be beneficial. It is important to remember these things and to realize when we are letting anger control us.

Here's to learning when to stop for a moment and reflect on our feelings!

Cheers,
Kay