Psoriasis: My Second Autoimmune Disease

Last year, something weird started happening to my scalp. It was as though dry skin was layering up and it was peeling and eventually started getting gooey. It was gross and uncomfortable. My mom said it was probably something called cradle cap. It kept getting worse and then I started getting more skin issues. The skin behind my ear was getting similar to my scalp and the skin on my face was getting really dry and flaky. I remember one point where it was so uncomfortable that keeping my eyes open was exhausting. It did not look good.

In the Fall, when it just seemed to be getting worse and worse, I finally went to my family doctor and she thought that it was a fungal infection. I had several doctor's appointments over the Fall and Winter months, trying several different topicals (medicated creams and ointments), a few different oral medications, and a fungal shampoo. Some of the topicals seemed to help a bit, especially on my face, but my skin was still getting worse. I was getting red itchy spots on my arms and chest and my back was getting red and dry. At first I thought that the spots were just hives since they kind of looked like them at first but then they would change to bigger spots of layered, flaky red skin. They looked terrible, especially after getting wet. My skin issues seemed to just be continuing to spread.

My family doctor decided that it was time to refer me to a dermatologist since it was getting worse and there wasn't much more that she could do for me. We had to figure out what was going on and, for that, we needed a specialist. I ended up getting referred to a very nice dermatologist and she thought that it was also a fungal infection. She said that several things could cause a fungal infection and that we needed to figure out what was causing it in order to prescribe the right medication. She took a biopsy of my scalp since that was the worst skin and the origin of the skin issues. I was a bit nervous for the biopsy but it wasn't so bad. The dermatologist applied freezing to the area with a needle and then cut out a small chunk of my scalp down to just the fat tissue. She then stitched up the skin with a single stitch. This was my first time ever getting stitches.

When the results of the biopsy came back, it showed something different than a fungal infection. The result was psoriasis. Psoriasis is an autoimmune disease that causes the skin cells to not stop growing, resulting in dry layered patches of skin. I was disappointed but not surprised. A great-aunt on my dad's side of the family and a great-grandmother on my mom's side of the family both had psoriasis. Also, I already have another autoimmune disease: ulcerative colitis. The biologic drug that I am on for my ulcerative colitis, Remicade, is used to treat psoriasis as well but, in some cases, it can make it worse. I seem to be one of those cases since I had several of my regular doses of Remicade during my psoriasis flare up and it didn't seem to help at all. Since I have severe ulcerative colitis and the Remicade works so well for it, the dermatologist didn't want me to have to switch to another biologic drug but it became an option for if the topicals that she would prescribe for my psoriasis didn't work. The topicals that she prescribed included a medicated gel for my scalp twice a day, an anti-inflammatory cream for my face twice a day, a medicated cream for my infected scalp and skin behind my ear twice a day, and a medicated foam for my body once a day. Now that my face and infected scalp and ear are better, I am only using the gel for my scalp and foam for my body. Thankfully the topicals have been working great so it looks like I don't have to switch to another biologic drug.

Other than that scare of possibly having to switch biologic drugs, since there would be no guarantee that other biologic drugs would work for me like Remicade does, psoriasis is really more annoying than anything. The skin becomes itchy and uncomfortable and makes you want to cover it all up so that no one sees it but at least psoriasis doesn't affect an internal organ like my ulcerative colitis does. However, the fact that psoriasis is an autoimmune disease concerns me since it is my second autoimmune disease and I just keep thinking "What next?" I need to stay positive though. Having chronic disease as a young person can really make a person feel down but I need to just keep going. I can't let it all stop me from achieving my dreams.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Talking About Feelings

Something happened a few weeks ago. It was just a simple question that my Mom asked me but it felt so good for someone to actually ask me that question. It felt like something that I needed to be asked. While I was telling my Mom about my ulcerative colitis acting up, she asked me if I was worried about it. That's it. I then proceeded to answer the question and talk to her a bit about how I felt about my colitis acting up. This might not seem like such a big deal but I'll give you a bit of background information to explain why this was so important to me.

My latest Remicade infusion was on May 16th. My ulcerative colitis started acting up around three weeks before that date. I receive these infusions every two months and they keep my colitis pretty under control. Last time I received my infusion, my colitis only started acting up a few days before the infusion. So, the fact that my colitis started acting up three weeks before my next infusion was a bit concerning. During the month of April, I was really stressed out and I still am. One of my Great-Aunts passed away from cancer on April 10th. Less than a week before that, my Grandma (the sister of my Great-Aunt that passed away) was brought to our house to live with us for a while because her health has been going up and down. Just a few days after being with us, she had to go into the hospital (for the second time this year) for several weeks and now she is living with us again. She needs help with a lot of things and someone has to be with her at all times. All of this has been overwhelming for my family and I. Then add my colitis acting up on top of all of that. Of course, there were some great things that happened in April as well but I have still been stressed out.

My family and I can see that all of us are stressed out and overwhelmed by everything that has happened but we haven't really sat down and talked about it. Because of this, I know that I myself have been bottling up a lot of emotions and everyone else is probably doing the same which isn't healthy. We keep moving forward and deal with everything going on but I feel like we need to just let out everything that we're feeling. So, when my Mom asked if I was worried about my colitis acting up, it felt so good to finally be able to talk about one of the things that has been stressful for me. Especially since stress can make health problems worse and the recent stress may have therefore contributed to my colitis acting up. Also, it helped to just talk to my Mom about the fact that April was stressful and that the stress has continued into May.

Since my colitis got pretty bad in the Fall, it definitely stresses me out when it acts up and it worries me a bit even though I know that my doctors won't let it get as bad as it did before. I get a bit scared that the infusions aren't working or my colitis is going to start interfering more with my life. Worries aside, it just isn't pleasant when my colitis acts up. Having someone just ask about how I feel about my colitis acting up and to admit to them that I'm stressed out helps me let out some of the thoughts and emotions that I bottle up. Because that's a big problem that I have. I bottle up too much. So, talking about what I'm going through helps. A lot.

Although, sometimes I don't want to bother other people with my problems but I still need to talk to someone. Sometimes I'll start talking about something that's bothering me and nobody seems to want to even talk about it. It's like they try to avoid talking about it because it makes them uncomfortable or they don't want to take the time to listen or just don't want to pay attention to me talking for whatever time that it takes. And that itself bothers me. I'll start talking but they walk away. Or they just change the subject. Or they respond a bit but they don't want to really listen and really give some kind of answer. Just having someone listen to me get something off my chest helps a lot. It isn't very complicated.

I guess I'm just trying to say that we need to learn to talk about our feelings more and listen to other people when they need to talk about their own feelings. It doesn't make us weak. It shows that we are brave for wanting to talk about something that's bothering us. As for the people listening, they'll know that if something is bothering them, then they have someone that they can talk to about it too. It also helps to have someone really ask how we are feeling sometimes. And I mean ask how we are really feeling. Not just a simple small talk version of "how are you?" I know that. most times, I feel inclined to say that I'm fine when someone asks how I am. Everyone goes through tough times and so sometimes we just need people to care about how we are actually feeling and listen... and then we can be there to listen to them when they need us too.

Cheers,
Kaylie

Afternoon Tea on the Canadian East Coast

In August 2016, my family's summer trip took place. Where to? The East Coast of our beautiful country of Canada! We had been to Nova Scotia together before along with my aunt, uncle, and cousins (on my Dad's side) to visit my great-aunt (also on my Dad's side) who lived there when my brother and I and our cousins were little kids. Of course, we mostly visited with my great-aunt while we were there and my brother and I don't remember everything anyway because we were so young so we decided to go back to visit Nova Scotia but also to visit some of the other provinces too. We ended up visiting the province of Prince Edward Island and we also visited Campobello Island which is located in New Brunswick and is right next to the state of Maine.

We ended up camping in parks and campgrounds most of the way and did many tourist activities. One of my favourite things that we did, besides the Anne of Green Gables attractions that I experienced, was going for afternoon tea in each of the provinces that we visited. What follows are descriptions of all of our lovely afternoon tea experiences on the Canadian East Coast. I hope you enjoy and consider visiting the East Coast to have some lovely afternoon tea experiences of your own.

Afternoon tea at Dalvay-by-the-Sea:

On Prince Edward Island, we went for afternoon tea at Dalvay-by-the-Sea. It is a national historic site protected by Parks Canada and it is located in Prince Edward Island National Park. My Mom had read about the afternoon tea that you can go for at Dalvay-by-the-Sea and we were all interested since we all love tea. We had to book a reservation ahead of time (we only booked it 1 or 2 days ahead) and it cost $100 since we were a group of four people. Our table was beside a window with a view of Dalvay Lake. We each got to choose a type of tea and were brought small individual tea pots with our chosen tea flavours. Two stacked plate display towers full of light snacks and goodies were placed on the table with enough for each person to have one of everything. There were some savoury lunch items on the bottom plate followed by desserts on the other two plates. Since these were all finger foods, I remember thinking that I could eat everything but all of the small items really get quite filling after a while. The room had other tables where other people enjoyed their tea and snacks. The building itself was beautiful both inside and out and we made sure to explore a bit before we left.

Rita's Tea Room:

In Nova Scotia, we went to Rita's Tea Room in Big Pond on Cape Breton Island. Rita MacNeil was a famous Canadian singer. She bought an old schoolhouse to convert into a house for herself in her hometown of Big Pond, Cape Breton Island and would invite her audiences to stop by for tea if they were ever in the area. So many people took her up on the offer that she decided to convert her home into a tea room. Visiting Rita's Tea Room was very special to me since I am a big fan of Rita MacNeil who unfortunately passed away in 2013. I knew that this was one of the places that we absolutely, without a question, had to go to during our East Coast trip. When I first stepped inside, I instantly felt a feeling of coziness and friendliness. We looked at the lovely museum section all about Rita's life and achievements before sitting down at a table. My Dad and brother ordered tea and lunch items while my Mom and I shared The Old School House Strings which included enough tea for two along with a plate of small desserts. The tea was Rita's Tea Room Blend and we made sure to buy a box for ourselves and a box for my grandma in the small gift shop. I also made sure to buy a Rita tea cup, identical to the tea cups used at Rita's Tea Room, because I had promised myself that I would buy one. The two ladies that we encountered who were working there were so wonderful and there was just so much warmth and happiness in that beautiful place.

Tea with Eleanor in Roosevelt Campobello International Park:

In New Brunswick, we attended the Tea with Eleanor program in Roosevelt Campobello International Park on Campobello Island. When we visited the park's visitor centre, planning on visiting the Roosevelt cottage that Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt owned and stayed at with their family which is free to visit, we found out about the free Tea with Eleanor program and decided to participate in it. We were given tickets and later made our way over to the Wells-Shober Cottage when it was time for the tea to start. We were part of a whole group of people participating in the program and we all went into a room that had several tables with chairs. On one wall, there were photos of Eleanor and on another were copies of some of her My Day newspaper columns. My family had a table all to ourselves and everyone in the group enjoyed tea and cookies while listening to two lovely ladies tell us all about the life of Eleanor Roosevelt. They explained that the reason that this program was set up was because Eleanor Roosevelt always had afternoon tea every day with her family and it was very important to her. Afterwards, we got to see some rooms of the cottage that were set up with old furniture before heading over to see the Roosevelt cottage which has its rooms set up to closely resemble what it looked like in 1920.


After this trip, I absolutely adore the idea of afternoon tea. Stopping in the afternoon and taking a break from everything in order to drink tea and maybe have some light snacks just seems good for you, even if it's just a solo afternoon tea just for you. For one thing, taking breaks is healthy. Working on something for too long can become stressful or tiring. Drinking tea and just concentrating on that really makes you focus on the present moment and helps you relax. Of course, if there are other people, then it becomes social and I know that even I need to be social once in a while even though I'm an introvert and am fine being on my own. I've had afternoon teas of my own with family once in a while but I'm thinking that I might need to do it more often. It just feels right, especially for a tea drinker like myself.

Cheers,
Kaylie

My Remicade Appointments

Remicade is a biologic drug that is used for various health problems. I have to be given Remicade for my ulcerative colitis, which I have already talked about in a previous post. Some of you might be wondering what it's like to go for an appointment to receive Remicade since it is a medication that needs to be administered through an IV. I'll reveal it all to you in this post!

A very important thing that I have to do on the day of the appointment before I even go to the clinic is drink lots of water. The reason for this is to get the veins ready so that it's easier to put the IV in. So, you can bet that I take this step very seriously since I want that IV to go in as easily as it can and I don't have to get poked several times to get the IV in.

When I go for my appointment, I go to a clinic that is quite small and cozy. There are four comfortable chairs set up for people receiving IV medications so there will be a maximum of only four people there at a time for appointments. The room feels a bit like a living room which is the atmosphere that these specific clinics are going for because they want to get away from the uncomfortable or scary hospital setting. They want people receiving IV medications to feel comfortable.

When I get to the clinic, I sit down in one of the chairs and prop my arm up on a pillow that I place on top of the arm rest. When the nurse is ready with everything needed for the IV and for doing a blood test, she inserts the IV into my arm. My right arm has a really good vein so I think that I'll keep using that arm for the IVs since the veins in my left arm aren't always the greatest. I used to get really freaked out with IVs and I still get nervous while the IV is being put in. My breathing goes a bit weird, I start sweating, and I might even start shaking a bit. I'm not as bad as I used to be though.  IVs aren't really scary once you understand that the needle is inserted simply to get a very tiny plastic tube inserted into the vein and then the needle is taken out so that all that is left in the vein is the plastic tube. The tube is very flexible so that you can can still bend and move your arm. I guess I'll just get more comfortable with IVs being put in with the more that I get. Before hooking up the medication, the nurse takes some of my blood through the IV for a blood test (because the medications that I'm on can have internal side effects so my doctor needs to keep an eye on everything) and then she hooks up the plastic tube through which my Remicade drips into my bloodstream by gravity.

After the IV and Remicade is all set up, the nurse usually asks me if I'd like a hot beverage (I'm a tea drinker so I never refuse a cup of tea) and I get comfortable to spend 2-3 hours there. There's a TV set up in the room with Netflix if any of us receiving medication feel like watching TV episodes or movies and there are always plenty of snacks. I like to take the time to read or write and meditate. I think of it as some personal relaxation time.

There is usually only one main nurse at the clinic and she is super nice and really good at setting up IVs. I also love how the nurse calls us clients rather than patients. It makes us sound like we're going for some kind of professional meeting rather than a medical appointment. It also makes things sound less scary. Throughout my time at the clinic, she adjusts the dial on the IV tubes to control how fast the medication drips.

After 2 or 3 hours have passed and the bag of Remicade has completely drained into my bloodstream, the nurse removes the IV and I am all done! When I leave the clinic, I feel fine. Some people get the common side effect of feeling tired while others don't feel tired until the next day. Sometimes I feel more tired than usual the next day so I make sure to take it easy.

The nice thing about Remicade is that I only have to receive it every two months. Not too bad, huh? Especially when you think about how some people have to take pills every single day. Those people have to take pills because the pills work for them, though, whereas the pills were not working well enough for me so I needed something stronger.

Well, I hope that sheds some light on what it's like to go for an appointment to receive Remicade (or other IV medications). Maybe now it won't freak you guys out as much if you ever have to receive an IV medication or if you hang out with a family member or friend while they receive an IV medication. I've noticed that people are sometimes kind of nervous when they are sitting with or visiting someone at the clinic who is receiving an IV medication. I understand that these medications are strong and are given through an IV and are kind of a big deal but those of us who receive these medications get used to receiving them and it becomes not so much of a big deal to us.

Cheers,
Kaylie

My Word for 2017: HEALTH

From October 6th to the 21st in the Fall of 2016, I was in the hospital. My proctitis had flared up and I became really sick. I became anemic, could barely eat, and lost weight. I basically felt like I couldn't do anything anymore because of such a lack of energy and I was getting to a point where I felt depressed. I was not in a good place. I went to several doctor's appointments and I went to emerg at the hospital twice. I was put on medication but it wasn't working like it should. My family doctor, along with the gastroenterologist that was filling in for my usual gastroenterologist, decided that it would be best if I was admitted to the hospital so that they could do some tests to figure out what was going on.

The day after I was admitted to the hospital, I went for a colonoscopy and it showed that the inflammation that had stayed put at the end of my colon for almost five years had spread to the rest of my colon. I remember hearing the gastroenterologist say "no wonder you're sick." I didn't have proctitis anymore. Now I had ulcerative pancolitis which basically means that there is ulcerative colitis in the entire colon.

I was on fluids and an IV form of prednisone. Once they took me off of that, I was on some pills. I was getting better but it was very slow. At one point, my hemoglobin went low (it dropped to 71) and I had to get a blood transfusion. Through the slow progress in the improvement of my health and the fact that I had to get a blood transfusion, the gastroenterologist said that my body was not responding well enough to the usual medications and I had my first dose of Remicade two days after my blood transfusion. Remicade is a biologic drug which is taken through an IV and it is basically the strongest drug for ulcerative colitis. I now have to receive it every two months, basically for the rest of my life since it is the kind of medication that you have to continue to receive in order for it to continue working. If Remicade failed, then I would have to get my colon removed.

Staying in the hospital was a scary experience for me. I had never stayed overnight in a hospital before and it didn't help that needles freak me out and I had to get IVs put in several times along with blood tests every day. I also got really depressed, which was possibly due to side effects from the medication, so my mood and my thoughts were really messed up. Also, I had to deal with the fact that my chronic illness had now become way worse than it used to be. I cried a lot and my parents took turns staying with me overnight for most of the nights because I would sometimes wake up all freaked out or I would wake up in the morning feeling really scared and alone. It was awful.

It wasn't easy once I got home either. There was so much information along with appointments and paying close attention to my body while it was still healing. I got really overwhelmed. So, I did something that always helps me when I'm overwhelmed by too many things. I organized! I put all of the information into a binder and split everything up into categories using dividers. Some of the things that I have in my colitis binder include a page for important phone numbers, calendars for keeping track of appointments and medication schedules, medication information, diet information, etc. Having everything organized nicely in one place rather than just having  pile of pages helped so much! My brain didn't feel so scattered anymore. Another thing that I did was make sure to keep on top of phone calls that had to be made and appointments that I had to go to. I made sure to get things done right away instead of putting them off until later.

Fast forward to now, over two months later, and my colitis is much better than it was before but my body still has some more healing to do. I have had a total of three Remicade infusions so far with my fourth one coming up next week. My colitis started improving a lot the day after my first Remicade infusion in the hospital but the other Remicade infusions seem to only make it improve a little bit more rather than a lot more. I guess I'm still lucky though to have it work as fast as it did because it can take several infusions for some people before they start to see any improvements at all. So, maybe the Remicade still hasn't kicked in entirely for me yet. It is definitely working though, because I'm not getting sick again like I did before.

Having said all of that, it was easy to choose my word for this new year. My word for 2017 is HEALTH. Even though my health has greatly improved, there is still more healing to do. Also, I need to pay more attention to my body now since my colitis spread to the rest of my colon. I need to focus on my mental health as well since living with a chronic illness, especially when it is considered severe since I am on the strongest medication for it, can be difficult and can really affect how you feel. I hope that by the end of this year my colitis will be completely under control thanks to the Remicade and that I can say that I chose the perfect word.

Cheers,
Kaylie

The Various Vegetarian Diets (with simple definitions and explanations!)

I've noticed for a while that people seem to be confused about vegan and vegetarian diets. Of course, they don't know that they're confused. They just seem to think that vegan and vegetarian diets are the same. But I'm here to say that, although they are similar, as are other diets that involve eating less meat, they are different from each other. I hope that the following list of definitions and explanations for various vegetarian diets clear things up and I also hope that it will give people insight into diets that may not be as commonly known such as vegetarian diets that still involve the consumption of fish and seafood or poultry and fowl. I will then follow up by talking about how some people follow the various vegetarian diets a bit differently. I have written about my pescetarian diet in the past and I have also written about my proctitis, which is the reason why I follow a pescetarian diet. So go check out both of those posts to get a bit of insight on pescetarian diets, how I follow the pescetarian diet a bit differently, and my experience with proctitis and how my pescetarian diet fits into it.

Vegan: Does not eat anything that comes from an animal. This means no meat, no dairy, and no eggs.

Vegetarian: Does not eat any meat. This means no poultry, no pork, no beef, no fish or seafood, etc. They may still consume dairy and eggs. Some people might therefore call this a lacto-ovo vegetarian diet ("lacto" meaning dairy and "ovo" meaning eggs). Some vegetarians might choose to follow a lacto-vegetarian diet, therefore excluding eggs and meat from their meals, or some might choose to follow an ovo-vegetarian diet, therefore excluding dairy products and meat from their meals. Some vegetarians may choose not to consume dairy or eggs, however, if they do this, I would consider them to be vegan.

***Big Difference Between Veganism And Vegetarianism***: Vegans do not consume anything that comes from an animal. Vegetarians do not eat any meat but they still consume dairy and eggs or they may only choose to consume dairy but no eggs or eggs but no dairy. Therefore, if a vegetarian does not consume meat, dairy, and eggs, they would technically be vegan. This is my opinion based on definitions. People may still say that they are vegetarian even though they follow a vegan diet, however, most people who follow a vegan diet say that they are vegan since vegans are a strict form of vegetarianism and people who understand the differences between vegans and normal vegetarians will understand that vegans do not consume anything that comes from an animal.

The following diets are technically not vegetarian but the people following these diets may follow a vegetarian diet most of the time and eat fish, seafood, poultry, or fowl once in a while or a few times a week. They are options for people who do not want to cut meat entirely out of their diets.

Pescetarian (or Pescatarian): The only meat that they eat is fish and seafood. This means no poultry, no pork, no beef, etc. but still eats fish, shellfish, and crustaceans. They still consume dairy and eggs. An easy way to think of this is thinking that pescetarians are basically vegetarians who still eat fish and seafood but they are technically not considered to be vegetarians since fish and seafood are meats. They may, however, follow a mostly vegetarian diet and only eat a few meals each week that actually contain fish and seafood.

Pollotarian: The only meat that they eat is poultry and fowl. This means no pork, no beef, no fish or seafood, etc. but still eats chicken, turkey, and other types of poultry and fowl. They still consume dairy and eggs. An easy way to think of this is thinking that pollotarians are basically vegetarians who still eat poultry and fowl but they are technically not considered to be vegetarians since poultry and fowl are meats. They may, however, follow a mostly vegetarian diet and only eat a few meals each week that actually contain poultry and fowl.

Pesce-Pollotarian: The only meat that they eat is fish, seafood, poultry, and fowl. This means no pork, no beef,, etc. but still eats fish, shellfish, crustaceans, chicken, turkey, etc.. They still consume dairy and eggs. An easy way to think of this is thinking that pesce-pollotarians are basically vegetarians who still eat fish, seafood, poultry, and fowl but they are technically not considered to be vegetarians since fish, seafood, poultry, and fowl are meats. They may, however, follow a mostly vegetarian diet and only eat a few meals each week that actually contain fish, seafood, poultry, and fowl.

Different Approaches To Various Vegetarian Diets:

• Some people choose to cheat and eat some meat on holidays or while on big vacations or only so many times a year. The people who choose to do this most likely follow vegetarian, pescetarian, pollotarian, or pesce-pollotarian diets. Vegans are so strict with their diets and they make that choice so they most likely wouldn't cheat.

• Some people follow more flexitarian diets where they still eat poultry, pork, beef, fish and seafood, etc. but they choose to eat a lot less than people normally do and they limit their meat intake for health reasons or just to help a bit when it comes to not harming animals. However, this is not considered to be vegetarian.

• People follow the various types of vegetarian diets for different reasons. The big reason for following vegetarian diets is so as not to harm animals. Another common reason is for health; either the person wants to eat a healthier diet or they have a health problem which leads them to switching to a healthier diet. Some people follow different diets for religious reasons. So, it's important not to judge a person if they are following a diet where they still eat certain types of meat or they sometimes eat meat. 

I hope this clears things up and that this post helps people to better understand the various vegetarian diets.

Cheers,

Kay

Our 2016 Garden

My family and I ended up planting our garden a bit late again this year but not as late as last year. This year we planted around the beginning of June. Most of our plants were bought already growing from a greenhouse but some were bought as seed. As you can see, our garden is quite large. We have 10 rows as well as a section beside the last row on the far end of the garden where we are growing vine plants and perennials. The photos in this post were taken when the plants and seeds in the garden still hadn't grown very much and there weren't many weeds (that's why it looks so "clean"). This gardening plot had been used for years by my grandparents on my mom's side (who owned the property for years after my great and great-great grandparents) and it was used a bit during the years after they passed away so I am happy that we are using the full garden again! It was a favourite hobby of my Poppa (my grandfather) and it is a hobby that I enjoy as well!

While we were preparing and planting the garden, the mosquitoes were pretty bad because of the time of the year. I told my mom that Spring is, of course, the best time of year to plant a lot of plants but it is also the worst time of year because the mosquitoes just make it so difficult. One day, however, there were tons of dragonflies flying all over our backyard and we hardly noticed any mosquitoes. It was so nice and it was absolutely magical to look up and see all of those dragonflies darting around in the air!

I think it's very important that people learn gardening. In the past, basically everyone used to grow gardens during the nice weather because they had to for food. Nowadays, we don't necessarily need to because we can just buy everything at a grocery store but growing your own garden is still very beneficial because it can save you a lot of money while also giving you organic vegetables that you grew yourself, therefore giving you the knowledge of exactly what has happened to the vegetables. You know that they haven't had any weird pesticides sprayed on them or that they've been sitting in a truck for a long time while traveling to a store. Also, maybe someday we'll all need to use this skill again so why not learn it now, just in case. If prices go up or if pesticides cause too many health problems, you'll be glad that you know how to grow your own food. Also, there's just something satisfactory about growing your own food and it always tastes so much better!

Here are all of the plants that we have growing in our garden this year: onions, green beans, yellow beans, carrots, radishes, beets, tomatoes, peppers, spinach, romaine lettuce, swiss chard, celery, kale, broccoli, cauliflower, early cabbages, watermelon, honeydew melon, potatoes, peas, cucumbers, zucchinis, butternut squash, jack o' lantern pumpkin, strawberries (bought from the Sudbury Gardening Festival 2016) rosemary, thyme, oregano, peppermint, spearmint, parsley, basil, dill, curry, chamomile, lemon balm, and eucalyptus. We also have chives growing in a short wooden barrel planter near our driveway and we have lavender and bergamot (or bee balm) growing elsewhere as well (none of these are pictured in this post). 

The chamomile and chives actually grew back from last year which was pretty exciting. We might try covering up our perennials in the Fall to ensure that a lot of the others grow back again next year. We have to cover the strawberries with straw anyway, or else they will freeze during the Winter. I'm excited to try using peppermint, spearmint, lemon balm, chamomile, and bergamot for tea since we are all tea drinkers in my family. We also want to try making pickles so we made sure to buy some pickling cucumber plants and dill.The plants that I'm most interested to see growing are the honeydew melon, watermelon, and eucalyptus because I'm not sure how well they'll do but I'm hoping that they'll make it.

Cheers,

Kay

Tea Meditation

A tea meditation is a nice meditation to do in the morning or evening when you're drinking a cup of tea. You basically use all of your senses to experience and enjoy your tea. By using all of your senses as you drink the tea and paying attention to them, you stay in the present moment. If thoughts come, just let them float on by and bring your attention back to the tea. Here we go!

Tea Meditation:
Pour yourself a cup of tea. Pick a flavour that you really like and use your favourite mug or tea cup. Smell the tea and take deep breaths of the steam coming from the hot liquid. Feel the warmth of the cup on your hands. Look at the colour and the stillness of the liquid. Take a drink and listen to the sound as you sip the tea. Keep the tea in your mouth for a moment in order to experience the unique flavour. Feel the warmth of the tea in your mouth and as it runs down your throat. Take a moment to feel gratitude for the tea that you are drinking and think of the healing aspects of tea. Imagine the tea spreading to all areas of your body, warming it and healing it. Repeat these steps as you drink the rest of your tea.

Cheers,
Kay

A Love Letter To My Blog For Its 3rd Anniversary

To my dearest blog,

Tomorrow is your 3rd anniversary, so I want to express how deeply grateful I am for you. When I published my first blog post on February 13, 2013, I didn't know what would become of you. I had hopes of watching you grow very quickly, of spending lots of time with you, of doing great things together. Sadly, I neglected you. I started off posting a few times a week but then I posted less and less often. Large gaps of time stood between each blog post, and I can understand if you were lonely or maybe even afraid of what would happen to you. But I came back. You see, I needed you. I had so much that I needed to say to the world. So much that I needed to share. I knew that you would be the perfect helper.

I took my time giving you a makeover and planning all sorts of posts that I would start sharing. And then? I started blogging again. I shared my feelings. My observations. My thoughts. My stories. My life. It felt so good! I finally had a way to open up my mind and let everything out. You became a dear friend, once again. I could turn to you when I had something to say. In these few weeks since I started blogging again, you have become a sort of therapy for me. I used to bottle everything up until I would explode. Now I can share my experiences and unpack them. I can break them down and figure out what to do about them. I can share all of that here and I hope that it helps some people.

I'm sorry, darling, that I didn't post anything on your 2nd anniversary last year. Do understand that I was thinking of you. I didn't forget you. I just didn't know what to write about anymore. I think you could have helped me, though. I went through a lot of stress last year, trying to figure out who I am and in which direction I wanted to go with my life. I still am. At least I have you now.

So many amazing things have happened in my life and so many sad things have happened too. I'm ready to start sharing my stories with you and the world, well, at least the internet world. I look forward to many more years, dear blog. Many more anniversaries. Many more posts. Many more stories.

Love,
Kay

Some Dance To Remember, Some Dance To Forget

There are certain lyrics from the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles that really resonate with me; "some dance to remember, some dance to forget." Whenever I hear those lyrics, I relate in so many ways. You see, I bottle things up inside of me. I bottle them up and, most often, don't release any of those emotions, whether they be worries, fear, anger, sadness, or the feeling of being overwhelmed that I know oh so well. I get overwhelmed easily, so when I bottle up my feelings and they swirl around in my mind and they don't leave me alone, I feel like I just want to scream, and sometimes I do. When I bottle things up, I hold onto them and I don't let them go.

Now, some people want to remember the past and others want to forget it, just as it says in those lyrics. But the thing is, we cannot and should not follow only one of those choices. There are parts of the past that we should remember. We should obviously remember the good times but we should also remember certain bad times; the ones that we can learn from. I believe that this is one of the most important reasons that history should always be taught in school; we learn from our ancestors. We learn from their accomplishments and their mistakes and we should do the same when looking at our own pasts. Of course, there are certain memories that we need to simply accept and let go of. Forget about them and move on. Take the lessons away from them and leave the rest in the past. This is what I need to do with all of those feelings and bad experiences that I bottle up inside of me; I need to accept that these things happened, learn from them, and then release them from their prison that is my mind. I need to let them go.

It sometimes feels like I'm at war with my own mind, like my mind is partly disconnected from me, but connected just enough so that when I am fighting with it, I still feel like I am fighting myself. This is what it felt like when I was germophobic at an obsessive compulsive level for a few years starting in high school. It really feels like you have no control over your own mind. When it comes to the feelings that I bottle up, it feels like my mind is incapable of letting them go. I even tend to act out how I would react to something that hasn't even happened. These things usually have something to do with events or people that have angered me in some way. Instead of learning from the experience and letting it go, I hold onto them so much that I waste time thinking that those events might repeat themselves or that that person might show up again and that I have to be ready. I become defensive, even though nothing has happened yet and even though I don't even know what is going to happen. What I need to do is stop worrying about it and move on because it is holding me back.

When I dance, I want to remember, accept, learn, and move on. That's a lot of things to do while dancing, but it's worth it if it helps to let go of bottled up emotions. Either I can do that, or I can just enjoy the dance and not really think about anything except for the music and my feet.

Cheers,
Kay

Be A Smart Patient

On January 28th, I had my first appointment with my new gastroenterologist. The first gastroenterologist that I ever had was not for long-term care so my family doctor set me up with a new gastroenterologist but he retired about 2 years later. When he retired, my family doctor set me up with yet another gastroenterologist. It took me a while to finally get an appointment since it was rescheduled twice, but it was worth it. She's amazing. I wasn't sure if I should be excited or nervous but everything turned out okay. In fact, it was better than I could have ever imagined.

I told her my whole history with intestinal disease. I first started having symptoms of blood in the stool around December 2011 but there was never any pain. My first colonoscopy in July 2012 showed inflammation and ulcers in the end of my large intestine and I was diagnosed with proctitis. I was prescribed cortifoam and then suppositories but the blood came back after I finished those medications and I was then sent to another gastroenterologist. This new one sent me for another colonoscopy around January or February 2013 which showed that there was now only inflammation in the end of my large intestine but it was all in one spot and I was prescribed enemas. I was also sent for a  CT scan (which was messed up because I was not given correct instructions) and it showed a suggestion of tightening of the end of my small intestine. My gastroenterologist said that that meant it was Crohn's Disease and I was prescribed mesalazine tablets which I had to work up to 8 per day. I continued taking enemas but the thing is that the blood would go away while I was taking enemas or suppositories but it would come back after I stopped the medication. At one point, I decided to try something on my own. I decided to try working with my diet to see if I could figure out a diet that would help me all the time, or at least most of the time. I started with following a low residue diet and then moved onto a pescetarian diet in May 2015. By following a pescetarian diet, I was not getting any blood most of the time, and when I did get blood, it was only a small amount. I also wasn't sure about the mesalazine tablets. I always asked my previous gastroenterologist if they would help the inflammation at the end of my large intestine and he always told me that they didn't really make it that far down. So I was always left thinking "Why am I taking so many of these pills if they won't even help the bleeding?" I just assumed that they were all for my small intestine but I decided to lower the dose myself to 4 per day.

I was afraid that my newest gastroenterologist might be a bit disappointed in me for lowering the dose myself or that she might not be a big believer in trying a pescetarian diet but I had nothing to worry about. She was so nice and she appreciated how much I knew and understood about my situation. She said that my question about the mesalazine tablets in regards to my situation was a very smart question. She also told me about how a test had shown that a pescetarian diet worked better than a normal diet when it came to patients with an intestinal disease. She explained that it's actually a very healthy kind of diet. The one thing that she said that made me the happiest, however, was that, looking at my previous tests and everything that I told her, it looked like I actually did have ulcerative proctitis and not Crohn's Disease. She explained how much better proctitis is than Crohn's and colitis. Proctitis is quite common and it does not put a person at higher risk of colorectal cancer. It can be treated simply with suppositories during a flare-up. She explained that some people have a lot of flare-ups and other people might just get a flare-up once in a while. She told me that I didn't have to take the mesalazine tablets anymore. I was so relieved! For several years, I had worried about my intestines and my health since I had been told that it was Crohn's Disease. I was worried when I decided to lower the dose of medication myself. I was worried that I would get a new gastroenterologist who would just send me for tests and prescribe me medication and wouldn't really listen to me. I needed someone who would listen to my questions and concerns. I needed someone who was okay with me trying things on my own to see what would work for me. In the end, I got the kind of gastroenterologist that I needed and I am so glad that I did!

I went through all of that over the course of five years. I worried and was stressed out over all of this for five years of my life when I didn't even have to be. If my second gastroenterologist had paid more attention to all of the information and he had really listened to my questions, maybe I wouldn't have had to take medication that didn't even do anything for me. I took the medication because my doctor told me to. Since he had told me that it was Crohn's Disease, I was worried that it would get worse someday. Along with school and everything else in my life, I really could have done without the stress that all of this caused me. Everything happens for a reason and, no matter how bad, can eventually lead to something good, though, so I guess that all of this had to happen for me to end up with my great new gastroenterologist.

Some people do everything that their doctor tells them to do without a second thought. Some people don't educate themselves enough about their health condition or ask enough questions. I learned about IBD and asked questions. I really thought about the medications that I was taking and looked at other forms of treatment as well. We need to listen to our doctors because they are highly educated in their medical field, but we also have to remember that this is our body that they are treating, so we need to know what's going on. We need to learn about our health conditions. We need to learn about our medication. We need to learn about other treatments available. We need to talk to our doctors, ask them questions, tell them our concerns. We need to discuss everything with them and not hide anything from them when it comes to our health. We need to be smart patients because sometimes, like in my case, doctors aren't always right about everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Listen to your doctor, but at the same time, understand what's going on and work with them to come up with a plan that works and  that you and your doctor both agree on and think is best for you. Tell them your concerns and don't be scared of them. If you feel that they are not the best doctor for you, that they aren't really listening to you or that they just say and do things and don't really evaluate the situation enough, then look into finding a better doctor. Don't just be a patient, be a smart patient. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.

Take care,
Kay

My Family's #1 Natural Cleaner

My family doesn't use a bunch of different cleaners to clean everything in our house. We use dish soap to wash the dishes, laundry detergent to wash clothes, and for most other things, we only use one cleaner. That's right, ONE CLEANER! It doesn't contain any chemicals or harmful ingredients and it is safe for people and pets. My family's #1 natural cleaner is... vinegar!

Vinegar is amazing! It is a natural disinfectant and it can be used to clean all sorts of things whether you use it pure or diluted with water. It is also inexpensive and if you use it to clean most things in your house, it will definitely save you money because you won't have to buy a ton of different cleaners. It also doesn't take much vinegar to clean with. 

Here are all of the different things that my family cleans using vinegar: 

-Floors 

-Walls 

-Windows 

-Cupboards 

-Fridge 

-Sinks 

-Shower and bathtub 

-Toilets 

-Pet cages 

There is so much that can be cleaned with vinegar and it is much healthier than all of those cleaners that have chemicals in them. It's simple and easy! My grandma actually told me that when my step-grandpa went to the store to buy a cleaning liquid, the cashier was an older lady and she talked him into buying a bottle of vinegar and told him that it was cheaper and worked just as well. Of course, sometimes there are times when something is just so tough to clean that my family has to add a little dish soap but we try to clean things with just vinegar as much as we can.

Are you going to make the switch to vinegar? 

Cheers,  

Kay

The Vile Snake Will Always Sting You

Do you ever have those moments where you're so frustrated or angry that you don't feel like laughing or smiling? Or maybe you feel that it isn't right for you to laugh or smile because you're so frustrated or angry? I get like that sometimes. Something frustrates me or someone makes me angry and it doesn't matter what someone does to try and cheer me up. It doesn't matter what funny things I see or what things I do that normally make me happy. I feel like I just have to be alone because being around people will just irritate me even more.

I wrote this as I was going through one of those times. Writing this actually helped me cool down and clear my mind. Writing this was my alone time. My family (parents, brother, and pet) were either in the living room eating supper and watching shows on Netflix or doing things together around the house. I decided to eat something later and instead lock myself in my bedroom and have some alone time, writing this post and researching blog-related subjects. I realized why parents send their kids to their bedroom when their kids have temper tantrums. Being alone has a soothing affect on the body and mind.

While writing this post, I thought, "Could there be a poem somewhere that I could relate to right now?" I often go searching through literature in order to find helpful and healing words. Of course, I was able to find a poem about anger. Charles Lamb's poem "Anger" had the perfect thoughts on anger. The poem starts off "Anger in its time and place/ May assume a kind of grace./ It must have some reason in it,/ And not last beyond a minute./ If to further lengths it go,/ It does into malice grow." Lamb is basically saying that it is okay to be angry as long as there is reason behind it and as long as it doesn't last. In other words, don't dwell on anger and let it consume you. He goes on to compare anger to a bee and a snake. A single bee will sting you once but never again after that (because it loses its stinger). This comparison is the anger that has a reason and doesn't last long. A snake, however, can bite you again and again and each time will hurt, as Lamb describes in the last line: "The vile snake will always sting you." This comparison is the anger that lasts too long, it continues to hurt you.

We must control our anger and not let it control us because the anger will just hurt us. Anger, used at the right time and for the right reason, can sometimes be beneficial. It is important to remember these things and to realize when we are letting anger control us.

Here's to learning when to stop for a moment and reflect on our feelings!

Cheers,
Kay

On Being A Pescetarian (Who Cheats On Holidays)

Bonjour, mes amis!

A big decision that I made in 2015 was to switch to a pescetarian diet. Pescetarian means that the only kinds of meat that I eat are fish and seafood. I'm basically a vegetarian who still eats fish and seafood. I switched some time in May and decided to try it out for a little while before deciding to stick with it. My main reason for becoming pescetarian was for health reasons. As you may know, I have mild Crohn's Disease. I read in a health magazine that vegetarians have a lower risk of colorectal cancer than omnivores and that pescetarians have an even lower risk of colorectal cancer than vegetarians! That's probably because of the omega 3 fatty acids that can be found in some fish, especially salmon, and the fact that fish is the healthiest meat and it has a lot of good stuff in it. Since I have Crohn's Disease, I automatically have a higher risk of colorectal cancer so I thought that it might be a good idea to try going pescetarian, especially since omega 3 fatty acids are good for helping inflammation and switching to this diet might therefore help the disease right now!

I remember thinking, in the past, that if I were to ever go vegetarian, I wouldn't go entirely vegetarian; I'd still eat fish. Since I switched primarily for health reasons, I also still cheat on holidays and eat other meats. For example, turkey on Thanksgiving or Christmas, maybe ham on New Year's day, or corned beef on St. Patrick's Day (I'm part Irish so we celebrate St. Patrick's Day in order to celebrate our heritage). After all, having a little bit of other types of meat on holidays won't hurt me since it doesn't happen a whole lot of times in a year and also since I don't eat that much meat when I do cheat anyway. People might wonder if, during the rest of the year when there are no holidays, I still eat soup broths with meat or foods that contain a little bit of meat, real meat flavouring, etc. The answer is no. Holidays are the only time that I have any meat other than fish and seafood. If I do have one of those things during the rest of the year, then it was by accident. For example, I just didn't know that it was in the food or someone else made the food and perhaps they didn't know that it was in something that they bought from the store. I always try to read ingredient lists carefully on packaged food from stores to make sure that there is absolutely no chicken, beef, pork, etc. I decided to avoid all other meats, except on holidays, and I'm sticking to it! I even stick to my pescetarian diet when I travel which can sometimes be a challenge!

*Update*: This post was written before my first appointment with my new gastroenterologist and the following reason for switching to a pescetarian diet is my original reason for switching to a pescetarian when I still thought that I had Crohn's Disease. On January 28th, 2016, my appointment with my new gastroenterologist revealed that, based on my medical tests and story thus far with IBD, my new gastroeneterologist felt that I actually have proctitis rather than Crohn's Disease. I proceeded to write a blog post with my up to date story of living with proctitis and my thoughts on the whole process of figuring out what kind of IBD I really had. My reason for following a pescetarian diet is now because of my proctitis, although I will leave the original reason here.

The big question that you're probably wondering is if switching to a pescetarian diet has helped my Crohn's Disease. I have noticed that my Crohn's Disease is better than ever before. My Crohn's Disease is considered mild because there isn't a whole lot of inflammation inside my intestines and also because I don't get any pain. The only times that I've had pain is when I have eaten too much of certain types of food that irritates the inflammation but that has only happened a few times. Basically the only noticeable symptom that I've had of the inflammation is blood in the stool. Before I went pescetarian, I tried a low residue diet, once again. I did this because the bleeding came back after I ended a certain medication. The blood came back when I was done the medication because the blood only stayed away while I was on the medication and then it would always come back when I was off the medication. My gastroenterologist prescribed stronger medication but I decided that I wanted to experiment with diet a bit to see if it would help. The bleeding hadn't come back as bad as it usually did so that was already a good sign and then the low residue diet helped it even more. Once I cut out all meats except for fish and seafood, there was either only a small amount of blood or no blood at all. Sometimes a little bit of blood will come back if I eat certain foods that irritate the inflammation.

Of course, another reason why my Crohn's Disease is doing better might be the fact that, for various reasons, I have less stress in my life now. I still get stressed out about other things but there are a few things that were stressing me out that are no longer in my life now and I am also learning how to deal with the stress that I still have. Since there has been an enormous improvement in my Crohn's Disease since I became pescetarian, however, I am going to accredit my improvement to my pescetarian diet.

I'm still adjusting to a pescetarian diet. For example, I'm still trying to get enough iron in my diet, which can be a challenge for people when they take a lot of meat out of their diet. I actually had iron deficiency and had to take iron supplements in order to have enough iron in my body again and to avoid iron deficient anemia. I have become more interested in cooking and baking, however, and I have seen many recipes (both vegetarian and pescetarian) that I want to try so maybe that will encourage me to explore more options for getting enough iron.

I'm still learning and adjusting and hopefully my diet will be well balanced soon. I hope this helps anyone who wanted more insight into a pescetarian diet, especially one that was chosen specifically for health reasons.

Bien à toi,
Kay

The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom

Hello Friends,

This is another serious post. It might trigger some emotions for those of you who have been through similar experiences. It may be difficult but I am living proof that, when it comes to things like this, it can all change and get better!

In high school, I became germophobic pretty bad. Really bad. I couldn't touch the floor or someone else's hands without having to wash my hands immediately afterwards. If I couldn't wash my hands, then I'd worry and the whole situation would just bug me and bug me until I could finally wash my hands. During that time that I couldn't wash my hands, I wouldn't touch my face and I'd be super careful when eating food. Washing my hands brought me relief from, well, my mind. I describe it as being at war with your own mind. It felt like my mind was controlling me in this irrational fear. I mean, touching the floor or someone else's hands usually doesn't cause any problems, unless someone has some kind of virus. There were other things that I would touch too that made me need to wash my hands. I would wash my hands so many times every day after touching these things. If I had to hand something to someone or if they were handing something to me, then I'd try very carefully not to touch their hands. It was awful, especially at check-outs in stores.

I never went to a doctor for help, although I should have. Someone in my family told me to "just get over it" which, for anyone who has gone through something like this knows, is not that easy. I became embarrassed about the way that I was and so I was scared to talk to a doctor about it. There was something wrong with me but I didn't accept that. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized and accepted that what I had sounded exactly like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Irrational fear+relief ritual+worries if relief ritual is not performed. Yes, it does indeed sound like OCD. Now, I was never diagnosed with anything because I never went to a doctor about it so I cannot say for sure that it was OCD but when talking about it with people, I tell them that it was basically OCD. I'm also not afraid to talk about it anymore.

Over the years, I got better. I guess I must have just exposed myself to touching certain things and convincing myself not to worry. I'm not exactly sure how I really got over it, but I never really entirely got over it. There are still times when I touch certain things and need to wash my hands immediately and then other times I touch something and want to wash my hands but I don't feel as though I need to do it right away. With touching other things, like the floor and other's people's hands, I am now fine. It feels like the war with my mind is near its end, at least in my experience with OCD. There are other challenges that I deal with like stress, concentration, etc. but those are all other stories. I'm happy that I have been able to get through at least one of my challenges.

OCD actually makes me think of Maya Angelou's poem, "Caged Bird". This poem is actually about the oppression of people but couldn't OCD be considered a form of oppression, in a way? In OCD, your mind holds you back and interferes with your life. The OCD controls you. In her poem, Angelou speaks about how the bird was once free but is now caged and longs for that freedom once again. For me, my OCD all of a sudden started in high school and I longed to just be able to go through my life like I did before, without worrying and constantly washing my hands, but I was held back by my fear. I think that Angelou sums up any kind of oppression really well in the last lines of her poem: "The caged bird sings/ with a fearful trill/ of things unknown/ but longed for still/ and his tune is heard/ on the distant hill/ for the caged bird/ sings of freedom."

It isn't easy to find freedom from mental illness, but we can get through it with help and with courage.

Love always,
Kay