Playing Flute in a Community Band

When I went back to school in September 2017 (I decided to study in a library and information technician program online through a college's distance education), I also decided to join a community band in my city. I play flute and loved being in concert band in high school. I was definitely a band geek and it was amazing! High school would not have been the same without all of those band practices, concerts, band trips, and fellow band geek friends! Missing my high school concert band days was only part of the reason why I wanted to join a community band though. I also wanted to start playing flute again and just be a part of something. Getting sick in 2016 really pushed me to want to live life to the fullest!

When I joined the band, I was the only flute there. Because of this, as well as the fact that I hadn't played in a band for so long, I started experiencing a lot of anxiety while trying to practice the music with everyone. Everyone makes mistakes but I was so afraid to play a wrong note or not be able to hit a high note. It also freaked me out when I heard myself playing because I knew that everyone else could hear me too and I felt like they were judging me. I actually started hyperventilating a few times where I had to leave the room and sit out in the hall crying. After that happened, I started resorting to sitting out in the hall with my flute and music and trying to follow along. My anxiety had become so bad that I couldn't even be in the same room as everyone else. I also knew that I would not be able to participate in any of the concerts. Eventually, another flute player joined and she was a beginner so I now had a fellow flute to play with who was going to make mistakes. I should have been more comfortable, right? Wrong. I still sat out in the hall, trying to follow along and attempting, and failing, to play the music.

I finally started spending our practices in the room when we started playing Christmas music. Christmas music is fun, a lot easier, and more familiar to me than the other pieces. It made me build up some of the confidence that I needed to push me through my anxiety. Even though I still experienced a lot of anxiety, I managed to play some pieces and, more importantly, stayed in the same room as everyone else. It felt so amazing to be able to do that. I continued to practice in the room even after we were done with Christmas music. Eventually though, the pieces were just way too hard for me and my anxiety was still high so I stopped going to the practices for the rest of the year.

This past Fall, I went back to band. I still had anxiety but I continued to push through it. The other flute player and I started planning private practices on our own to practice the music and they have really been helping. Another flute player eventually joined which has made me even more comfortable and we all work together to help each other. I have been improving not only when it comes to playing, but also with my anxiety. I have been playing higher notes and have not been afraid of making a mistake. Now the problem is mostly that some of the pieces are too difficult or too fast but at least I try to play rather than not playing at all. I still don't participate in the concerts but maybe some day I will. I feel like I have come so far and that just makes me so happy!

Cheers,
Kaylie