Since I'm in my 4th year of university, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do next. I'm at a point where I don't really know anymore. I have an idea of what I want to do but I'm stressed out and I feel kind of stuck. I also feel like everything is going too fast. I want to slow down and have time to really think. I want to do some exploring along various paths.
I've realized that I am not someone who fits into "the norm." My life and who I am deep down inside is not what society expects of me (although, society is slowly learning to change and be more accepting). I feel like even in Canada, society expects us to live a certain life: go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, raise kids while working, work until an appropriate age to retire, and then enjoy retirement. This is not the life for me. I already know that I don't really want to get married or have kids and that is perfectly fine. I'm in school so that I will be able to get the job that I want but now I'm not exactly sure what job I want. I'm a creative person; I like music, art, and writing. I also like the outdoors. I want to get away from living the same way day after day. I want some adventure and I want to do something that will expand my mind and really make me think. The way that I feel makes me think of one of my favourite quotations from Doctor Who:
"When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better."
-Elton Pope
(Doctor Who, Season 2, Episode 10, "Love & Monsters")
-Elton Pope
(Doctor Who, Season 2, Episode 10, "Love & Monsters")
It's not just the "What am I going to do with my life?!" situation that is bothering me. I also have health challenges as well. I prefer to use the word 'challenge' as opposed to 'problem' because it's more positive. I have mild Crohn's Disease. I've never talked about it here but I am very open about it in my life outside of my blog. If you don't know what Crohn's Disease is, it's a gastrointestinal disease meaning that it affects the digestive system. Crohn's Disease is an Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) and basically there can be inflammation and ulcers anywhere in the digestive system but most commonly in the small and large intestines. There is no cure for IBD yet.
I have inflammation in the end of my small intestine and in the end of my large intestine and I don't get pain. This is why my Crohn's Disease is considered to be mild. The only symptom that I get is bleeding from the inflammation in my large intestine (in other words, I get blood in the stool). The blood in stools is actually the only sign that I had that something was wrong when I first started getting it in my first year of university (December 2011). I am so grateful that I did something about my Crohn's Disease before it got worse.
Even though my Crohn's Disease is only mild, it doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. I have to pay attention to my Crohn's Disease and do necessary things like go to doctor's appointments, go for tests, take medication, and watch my diet to ensure that my Crohn's Disease stays mild. Sometimes these things stress me out, which is another thing that I have to watch and try to reduce because stress can make things worse like it can with many health challenges. When there's continually blood, I keep thinking "Will I ever put my Crohn's Disease into remission or at least heal the inflammation in the end of my large intestine?" Inflammation in that location can be difficult to heal because bowel movements always irritate it. Right now I'm trying a combination of methods to try and heal the inflammation. I'm following a low residue diet as much as I can while still eating healthy, taking vitamin C and D everyday, exercising, doing yoga, meditating, and taking my oral mesalazine medication (for the inflammation in the end of my small intestine). I've also started drinking jasmine tea everyday (jasmine tea has many health benefits!) and I put honey in it (which is also very healthy!). So far, something here seems to be working because, when I've had blood, it has been less blood than usual and has actually been quite small of an amount. Sometimes, there's been no blood at all! I'm obviously very excited about this because: 1) My body is healing or at least getting better! and 2) I have found a way to deal with my Crohn's Disease that involves a lot of natural/alternative methods!
I have inflammation in the end of my small intestine and in the end of my large intestine and I don't get pain. This is why my Crohn's Disease is considered to be mild. The only symptom that I get is bleeding from the inflammation in my large intestine (in other words, I get blood in the stool). The blood in stools is actually the only sign that I had that something was wrong when I first started getting it in my first year of university (December 2011). I am so grateful that I did something about my Crohn's Disease before it got worse.
Even though my Crohn's Disease is only mild, it doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. I have to pay attention to my Crohn's Disease and do necessary things like go to doctor's appointments, go for tests, take medication, and watch my diet to ensure that my Crohn's Disease stays mild. Sometimes these things stress me out, which is another thing that I have to watch and try to reduce because stress can make things worse like it can with many health challenges. When there's continually blood, I keep thinking "Will I ever put my Crohn's Disease into remission or at least heal the inflammation in the end of my large intestine?" Inflammation in that location can be difficult to heal because bowel movements always irritate it. Right now I'm trying a combination of methods to try and heal the inflammation. I'm following a low residue diet as much as I can while still eating healthy, taking vitamin C and D everyday, exercising, doing yoga, meditating, and taking my oral mesalazine medication (for the inflammation in the end of my small intestine). I've also started drinking jasmine tea everyday (jasmine tea has many health benefits!) and I put honey in it (which is also very healthy!). So far, something here seems to be working because, when I've had blood, it has been less blood than usual and has actually been quite small of an amount. Sometimes, there's been no blood at all! I'm obviously very excited about this because: 1) My body is healing or at least getting better! and 2) I have found a way to deal with my Crohn's Disease that involves a lot of natural/alternative methods!
"Letting it get to you. You know what that's called? Being Alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now, that's all that counts."
-The Eleventh Doctor
(Doctor Who, Season 6, Episode 4, "The Doctor's Wife")
Letting my Crohn's Disease "get to me" or bother me can be a good thing because it makes me want to do something about it! Also, it reminds me to be grateful for the healthy parts of my body and the ways in which I am healthy. As I mentioned before, when I think of my Crohn's Disease, I think of it in a more positive way by viewing it as a health challenge rather than a health problem. I choose not to view my intestines as bad guys but, rather, as the organs in my body that need more love and attention!
If you want to learn more about IBD and learn about a great organization in Canada that raises money to find a cure for IBD, visit Crohn's and Colitis Canada!
If you want to learn more about IBD and learn about a great organization in Canada that raises money to find a cure for IBD, visit Crohn's and Colitis Canada!
These are the two things that I'm dealing with right now. Of course, there are other things that I'm dealing with too like things going on in my family (mostly health and stress related), getting stressed out with school, and continuing my journey of living a life full of positive energy but figuring out my life and dealing with my mild Crohn's Disease are two of the main paths that I'm on at the moment. I just have to remember to stay positive and remember that I am in control.
"Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it."
-Princess Merida
(Disney Pixar's Brave)
(Disney Pixar's Brave)
We all go through times in our lives when we become overwhelmed with everything, whether it be things staying the same or too many changes. We just need to pay attention to them in order to learn, grow, and be thankful for the experiences that are building our futures.
-Kaylie
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